A good father takes time to play
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He has strong integrity
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He is someone
that is truly dedicated
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He is not afraid
to show his love.
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He is a caring provider
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And he is a
kind, spiritual leader.
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These are just a few ways
to describe a Father's Heart.
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Hi Welcome to A Father's
Heart. My name is Xavier
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and I'll be your host. Today's
topic is A Fatherless Trinity
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when the image of God
does not exist. And we see that
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more often than not in
this day and age in various ways
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but specifically when
the father is no longer there
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or is abusive. So let's
talk about it today. Right now.
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And with me to talk
about it is Gordon and Denry
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Yeah. How you guys doing? I'm
doing good. I'm glad to be here
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A Fatherless Trinity. I know
that sounds weird but when the
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image of God does not exist
where the father is abusive
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or missing or any other way that
a father affects the image of
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God for their children because
as you know we do as fathers
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we do give the resemblance
of the image of God to them
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because they're little,
they don't know. But what if we
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cause that image to
be marred or even vanish.
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You know one of the things when
I'm preaching at time, or even
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just speaking to a
general population I find myself
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sometimes I have to be cautious
in saying the word Father
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because for some people
when they hear that word,
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it's offensive.
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Because of what happened in
their childhood, what they've
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experienced. So any
time they hear God the Father
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it's like they
can't separate those two.
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Their father was abusive,
their father molested them
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their father was negligent,
so it's God who is abusive,
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God the
oppressor, God the molester
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So any time we use the word
father, sometimes I can even
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see it sometimes
in some of my members
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not just male or female, I mean
not just females but sometimes
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male, just feel uneasy.
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Because again we look at the
image of God and when we look at
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the image of God
that's how we see our fathers.
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We can only deal with our
earthly fathers and if our
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earthly fathers have been
abusive to us or if our earthly
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fathers have neglected us,
that's how we see God the Father
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and for so many
people in the world
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who have been through abuse
and have been through all of
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these things and again these
are things I believe the devil
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uses to mar that
perfect image of God.
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Just to destroy it. And I
don't know, maybe there's things
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we can talk about to
help restore that image
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how do you restore it?
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I was counseling an individual
a while back and the young lady
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brought it to me
what her father did to her
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She was there with her
fiancé in the counseling session
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and he was like,
tell, tell tell the pastor
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and you can just see like,
the whole time, we've been doin
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the Sabbath, the whole day she
was calm, happy, smiling, joking
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but as soon as she
started talking about her father
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you could just see
the rage, it kicked in
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and she even said, this is a
person who's going to my church
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she said, I
don't believe in God.
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She said where was her when I
was crying to Him over and over
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again, asking Him
to have my father stop.
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And so for her, she
connected the two together.
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And so for her she
can't separate them.
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She can't. And so the image of
God for her has been tarnished
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But then the Lord impressed
on me, tell her about Jesus
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How he was abandoned. How he
was beaten up and He even called
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on His Father, Where
are You? Where are You?
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And I can see when I started
talkin about Jesus, cause
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honestly when she's goin through
lots of time in your ministry
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you've got it in there, well
you don't have it but the Spirit
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gives you but I fell
silent, I don't have anything
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and the Spirit moved on
me, tell them about Jesus
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how He suffered and how
even He called on His Father
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and He felt like He was
neglected, that His Father was
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not answering. But He
still reached out to His Father.
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And so bringin people to Jesus
bringin people who are tarnished
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and showin 'em Jesus brings out
because once I started tellin
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about Jesus you could see
her face is like the, whatever
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protection she had, anger,
it just started to drop slowly
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even almost to tears.
I think it's important to
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always resemble the image
of Christ as best as you can
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Obviously we're not
perfect but do your best because
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like for me, for example, I grew
up in Adventist home, grew up
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great, everything was good,
I was vegetarian, the works.
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But one moment in time,
an interaction between me and
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my father completely made me
reject God and become a Satanist
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for 12 years. You know
one time you're a teenager,
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you're hormonal or so they
say, it's studies but anyway
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I was talking to them
and everything and my dad
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couldn't deal with because
he was never taught to deal with
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his emotions so he
couldn't deal with mine
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I love my dad to death, he's
a great dad, he just, that one
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point he couldn't deal with and
so in front of my mom he said
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I can't deal with the boy
anymore, you deal with him
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I felt so rejected that I
completely said, ok I'm angry
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I'm upset and one moment in
time I just said, God, you're
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not real because my dad hurt
me. But they say you're real, so
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if they say you're
real then Satan must be real
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I'm not getting what I want
from you, initially I'm actually
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transferring, projecting
my anger toward rejection from
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my dad to God and said I'm
not getting what I want from you
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so I'm going to get it from him
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And it's interesting
that the devil is ready
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the devil's ready to
give you what you want
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What I got was 12
years of misery and pain
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So, it's important that we
as fathers resemble the image
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of Christ, through thick
and thin. No matter what happens
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no matter how we feel, it's
important because our children
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depend on it, even
their salvation depends on it
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What do you think?
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I do think you're right.
A young man tells me a story
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we're talking and he was saying
in his home, he grew up in an
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Adventist home there was so much
abuse. No one knew it but they
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were a model church family.
And he grew up in that home
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Left, went to college.
Started in the ministry
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But never dealt with the
pain, never dealt with the abuse
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never dealt with the rejection,
you're no good, all the stuff
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that his father did
to him. End up pastoring
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and in his pastoral
ministry he ends up messing up
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had to come out of the
ministry because of what he did
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all because of what
happened when he was a child
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It mars the image of God and
sometimes we try to, you know
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do things to Band-Aid our pain
go into ministry, get all caught
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up in work, workaholic
and what happens to us?
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Is that we begin to
go down a different path.
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So it's important, it's very
important for us to keep God's
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image in our home. Let
our children see God's image
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let them see that God is love,
let them, we don't wanna kick
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you can't kick a child and
tell the child God loves you
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You can't abuse a
child and say God loves you
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You know slap a child over
the head and say God loves you
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It means like what I talk about
what I did. You know I regret
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what I did to my son
even if it was for one moment
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But still you can't do that
and expect that child to believe
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that God loves them. I think
that's the big problem we have
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I've seen and I'm not a, I don't
have a book on this or nothing
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but there are two types
of atheists that interact
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There are atheists that are
in denial, they don't believe in
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the existence of God, it's not
scientifically proven that there
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is a God but there are atheists
who don't believe or don't trust
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God. The reason why I say
that, I was workin in juvenile
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residence home for mental health
for those who had mental problem
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abandoned, sociopaths, all the
different, and I had a young man
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there. He was just angry, he
was upset. And a co-worker and I
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were talking about God and he's
like you guys need to be quiet
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about this, I
don't believe in no God
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So I saw he was angry. I went
into his room tried to talk with
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him, what's wrong? how
come you don't believe in God?
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And it's not that he don't
believe in the existence of God
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but he doesn't believe
that God is there for him
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He said, I don't
believe in God because
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God took away my family.
Took me away from my family
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And so he connected that
misfortune or whatever happened
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he put the blame on God
and said I don't believe in you
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You're not this loving, pure
person that people talk about
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You're not this God that watches
over, how could you watch over
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everything? How could
you say you're in control?
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Just like you said, when
they see bad going on in life
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especially if it
comes from their family
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they project that to God
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and say, Hey you're not real
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You're not real
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that's a struggle because my
daughter you know, my 4 year old
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she's loose with her mom
but when she visits me and her
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step mom and her new sister
and being able to discipline
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my 4-year old in such a way
that it doesn't taint the image
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of God in her eyes, because
I'm her only example pretty much
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it's a struggle. It's a struggle
because you know you have to
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lay down the law, God says you
need to discipline your child
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but at the same time we're
not perfect, we don't have that
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perfect discipline. How
can I discipline my child
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without tainting the image
of God forever for her, you know
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even though she's 4?
She's relying on me as her dad
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to see my spiritual
walk, she mimics some of that
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but I don't want
her to ever be tainted
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the image of God for her to
be tainted because of something
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I did. We're ministers
and I know we go through that
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we have to be able to
discipline but at the same time
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not turn our children
into atheists. Or non-believers
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or whatever you want to call
it so how do we accomplish this
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without being able to do that?
With love. Because we can go
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to the other extreme and not
discipline but I think if we're
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gonna discipline we
have to do it with love.
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It can't be with anger and hate
but with love and they need to
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understand that because we love
them they're being corrected
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because that's still within
the boundaries of God because
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whom the Lord loves He chastises
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You know I'd rather my earthly
father chastise me than my
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Heavenly Father but
it's still done with love.
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I think love is the key.
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I wonder if we did research
on those who have different
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religions, maybe
raised in a Christian home
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or God fearing home, I mean
they have different religions
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the religion that they
chose had some connection
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to their childhood. I mean
like Deism where God is absent
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He made but He's absent you
know they chose that kinda path
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because they once had a father
but then he just became absent
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whether because he's physically
absent or emotionally absent
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I believe that there's a link
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between the paths in life that
we choose, the faith we choose
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and what happened at childhood
what happened at the cradle?
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what happened when we were
teenagers, we choose a religious
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path based on
what happened there.
00:14:38.27\00:14:41.81
There is a link. Everything that
links to childhood I believe
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we always, how we've been raised
in childhood, sometimes some
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of us get stuck, right
there at the age of abuse
00:14:52.29\00:14:57.06
that age of abandonment
and we can't move forward
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unless we have someone that's
counseling us, someone that
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encourages us like the
pastor I was talkin about
00:15:04.10\00:15:07.90
he couldn't move forward unless
he got counsel over 6 years
00:15:07.94\00:15:13.98
so there is that link. We some
how make our decisions because
00:15:15.01\00:15:19.91
of what has
happened to us in childhood
00:15:19.95\00:15:22.92
I think again of the importance
of being the fathers that God
00:15:22.95\00:15:29.66
wants us to be not who
society says we should be.
00:15:29.69\00:15:32.03
There's a big difference
because society says one thing
00:15:32.06\00:15:36.43
and God says another. Sometimes
I think we over complicate our
00:15:36.46\00:15:40.27
role as fathers simply because
we're trying to combine societal
00:15:40.30\00:15:44.67
standards with God's standards.
It's like oil and water,
00:15:44.71\00:15:48.44
you can't do that. Because
society says be the provider
00:15:48.48\00:15:52.45
be the breadwinner. You
know the wife stays home, yadda
00:15:52.48\00:15:56.82
But God says that's good and
all but you also need to be the
00:15:56.85\00:16:00.39
priest of the home. You
also need to set my example
00:16:00.42\00:16:04.73
in your home. The Bible says
As for me and my house we will
00:16:04.76\00:16:10.17
serve the Lord. We
need to live in such a way
00:16:10.20\00:16:16.00
I'm ok with being, in
the sense of, we're sinful.
00:16:16.04\00:16:19.87
We're not perfect.
00:16:19.91\00:16:21.24
That happens ok, I've
dealt with that reality
00:16:21.28\00:16:23.71
but the reality is
that God seeks to change us
00:16:23.75\00:16:28.35
make us better day by day and
we as fathers need to step up
00:16:28.38\00:16:34.89
our game and be closer to Christ
each and every day that our
00:16:34.92\00:16:39.16
children may see our walk
and not only partake of that
00:16:39.19\00:16:43.40
bread of life that we're
eating from but also enjoy it
00:16:43.43\00:16:47.14
and learn what it is
to walk with our Maker
00:16:47.17\00:16:50.71
So in calling the whole family
to devotions in the morning
00:16:51.61\00:16:57.28
or in the evening,
it's doing things like that
00:16:57.31\00:16:59.98
your child seeing you
spending time in prayer
00:17:00.02\00:17:04.29
spending time reading the Word
spending time living the example
00:17:04.32\00:17:11.56
exemplary life that they
see, they can see Christ in you
00:17:11.59\00:17:15.16
My son said to me a few days ago
You know Dad I can never live up
00:17:15.20\00:17:21.54
to your standards. I said
you don't have to live up to my
00:17:21.57\00:17:24.27
standards, I don't want you
to be. Because you spend so much
00:17:24.31\00:17:28.58
time in prayer, I don't think
I can do that. Now I never knew
00:17:28.61\00:17:32.88
he was paying
that keen attention
00:17:32.91\00:17:34.95
how much time I'll
be in my office praying.
00:17:34.98\00:17:37.79
and I never knew that but
he'd been watching and looking
00:17:37.82\00:17:41.89
and he said, Dad I don't think
I can, I know you, you're always
00:17:41.92\00:17:47.13
you're always prayin and you
spend so much time in devotion
00:17:47.16\00:17:50.67
I don't think I can get to that
standard. And I said to him,
00:17:50.70\00:17:55.97
you can, it's going to take
you time, it's your relationship
00:17:56.00\00:17:59.74
with God, but you can.
The point I'm making is that
00:17:59.77\00:18:04.55
he was watching and I'll tell
you something, my 19-year old
00:18:04.58\00:18:10.39
in the mornings he's in
his own personal devotions
00:18:11.45\00:18:15.19
he's reading and he likes to
sleep in late but he'll get up
00:18:16.06\00:18:21.73
and you're trying to rush him
along but he's going to spend
00:18:21.76\00:18:25.10
time in his devotion and prayer.
Where did he get that from?
00:18:25.13\00:18:29.60
He sees his father modeling that
and I didn't even know he was
00:18:29.64\00:18:36.71
doing it, you know. I'm
not tooting my horn here
00:18:36.75\00:18:40.08
I'm just making a point that we
as fathers need to model Christ
00:18:40.12\00:18:45.39
to our children and when we
model Christ to our children
00:18:45.42\00:18:48.32
they will grow to
be better citizens.
00:18:48.36\00:18:51.19
they'll grow to be better church
members, better Christians
00:18:51.23\00:18:54.70
What we practice and what
we do at home is sometimes what
00:18:56.46\00:19:01.87
highlights in our kids' lives.
00:19:01.90\00:19:04.11
Just like you. If the kid knows
that dad is a prayerful dad
00:19:04.14\00:19:10.78
that's my reference, that's my
dad you know he's a praying man
00:19:10.81\00:19:15.95
If you're a
drunkard, my dad is a drinker
00:19:15.98\00:19:20.19
so the things that we
model or we do in our free time
00:19:21.02\00:19:26.19
or what's important to us that's
the adjective our kid is going
00:19:26.23\00:19:30.47
to use, our children are
going to use to describe us.
00:19:30.50\00:19:33.77
It's a struggle for me at times
because I didn't have an example
00:19:34.94\00:19:39.77
of a God-fearing father. He was
a church goer with my mom and
00:19:39.81\00:19:45.61
myself but that doesn't
mean he was walking with Christ.
00:19:45.65\00:19:49.45
He is now by the grace of God
but for me when I got married
00:19:49.48\00:19:54.49
to my wife and we had a
baby and you know my 4-year old
00:19:54.52\00:20:00.13
of course is part of the family
she looked to me to be that
00:20:00.16\00:20:04.20
leader, spiritual leader
and I'm like I don't know how
00:20:04.23\00:20:07.54
Nobody ever taught it to me.
00:20:08.80\00:20:10.71
I don't know how. And God
revealed to me that you worry
00:20:10.74\00:20:16.75
too much, it's a
mustard seed that you need
00:20:16.78\00:20:19.45
All you need is a mustard seed
cause I know what you're talkin
00:20:19.48\00:20:23.32
about Gordon because I
got mentored by other pastors
00:20:23.35\00:20:27.46
who have been in the
faith for a long time
00:20:27.49\00:20:29.22
and I see them how
they are and I wanted that
00:20:29.26\00:20:32.19
and I thought
how can I reach that?
00:20:32.23\00:20:34.73
And I haven't reached yet.
But my wife, a God-fearing woman
00:20:35.50\00:20:39.97
prayed with me and prayed
for me and continues to do so
00:20:40.00\00:20:43.20
that I may be the man and the
leader that God wants me to be
00:20:43.24\00:20:46.88
because I haven't arrived
yet but discouragement is at
00:20:46.91\00:20:51.05
every quarter and I don't
let myself get discouraged
00:20:51.08\00:20:55.18
All I do is say, mustard
seed, to myself, mustard seed
00:20:55.22\00:21:00.32
that's all I need to be a
good father to my children
00:21:00.36\00:21:04.19
to be a good
husband, to be the man of God
00:21:04.23\00:21:07.03
that I'm called to be
00:21:07.06\00:21:08.40
I read a statement
that changed my life
00:21:08.43\00:21:14.40
my marriage, my home,
everything it revolutionized
00:21:14.44\00:21:18.31
The statement said: The role
of the priest is to pray for and
00:21:18.34\00:21:25.25
intercede for the
congregation or for the people
00:21:25.28\00:21:31.79
and the father's role as priest
is to intercede for his children
00:21:31.82\00:21:37.76
Pray for them, ask
God to forgive their sins
00:21:37.79\00:21:42.36
known as well as unknown,
and I'm telling you that changed
00:21:42.40\00:21:48.10
my life. So my prayer time
I'm interceding for my children
00:21:48.14\00:21:52.87
I'm interceding for my family
00:21:52.91\00:21:55.14
Taking them to the Throne of
Grace and I'm leaving them there
00:21:55.74\00:21:59.65
because I know that that's the
only way they're going to find
00:21:59.68\00:22:04.75
success in life. I understand
that role and that's the only
00:22:04.79\00:22:08.89
way I think we can recreate
the image of God in the eyes
00:22:08.92\00:22:15.86
of our children.
00:22:15.90\00:22:18.00
You're on it. He's on
it. Because we read Bible as
00:22:18.80\00:22:25.17
especially whatever background
we have, interpretation of Bible
00:22:25.21\00:22:30.81
and we like to get
pumped up when we read
00:22:30.85\00:22:34.65
the man is the head
of the house, you know
00:22:34.68\00:22:37.99
we really get our chests high
on that and we think, Ok God
00:22:38.02\00:22:42.62
is saying for us to be CEOs or
dictators or presidents of our
00:22:42.66\00:22:47.50
homes, but in the main
reference most of the time,
00:22:47.53\00:22:52.77
no actually all the time
you are the priest of the house
00:22:52.80\00:22:58.11
And you know what that means.
yeah and when we look at the
00:22:58.14\00:23:01.18
sanctuary and the role
of the priest as he said
00:23:01.21\00:23:03.51
the role of the
priest is always to restore
00:23:04.51\00:23:07.25
restore these people to God
00:23:08.18\00:23:10.59
restore them to God
00:23:11.49\00:23:13.96
Christ is our High
Priest, yes but in our families
00:23:13.99\00:23:17.16
He said, you are the priest
man It's interesting and I'm not
00:23:17.19\00:23:21.66
trying to be one-sided
or be controversial here
00:23:21.70\00:23:24.53
but I notice Jesus said,
when they came, his mother and
00:23:24.93\00:23:29.57
his brothers came looking for
Him, when the Pharisees got them
00:23:29.60\00:23:33.11
hey this guy is
starting a ruckus over here
00:23:33.14\00:23:35.64
you know, put him in check.
Jesus said, who is my mother
00:23:35.68\00:23:42.02
my brother, my sisters. He says
those who do the will of God
00:23:42.05\00:23:46.76
they are my mother, my
brothers and my sisters.
00:23:46.79\00:23:49.52
Notice He didn't
say they're my father
00:23:50.53\00:23:54.13
Notice that. He didn't say
they're my father because He
00:23:55.96\00:23:59.90
knew who His Father was.
00:23:59.93\00:24:03.57
He knew who His Father was, so
I ask fathers, do you know who
00:24:04.61\00:24:09.08
your real father is? I'm
not talking about biological
00:24:09.11\00:24:13.92
I'm not talking about adopted
00:24:14.68\00:24:18.25
step or whatever it is, I'm
talking about your real father
00:24:18.29\00:24:23.39
Turn to Romans 8. Those
who have accepted Jesus Christ
00:24:24.49\00:24:29.20
as Lord and Savior
are now adopted and called
00:24:29.23\00:24:34.00
look, look the way he
put it, it's Abba and father
00:24:35.50\00:24:39.37
personally, daddy.
You can call Him daddy
00:24:39.41\00:24:43.18
You know what daddy is.
When a child falls, Daddy, Daddy
00:24:44.28\00:24:48.58
Personal. And father is, that's
my father. You can be proud
00:24:49.62\00:24:55.76
of it, that's my
father over there.
00:24:55.79\00:24:57.43
So one is personal and one is
authoritative. That's my father
00:24:57.46\00:25:01.33
over there and so we can
call Him Father and so fathers
00:25:01.36\00:25:05.70
could call him and
say, Hey I have a father
00:25:05.73\00:25:08.87
Yes my biological father made
mistakes, or he wasn't there
00:25:08.90\00:25:12.57
but I have a father, I have
an example and now I need to be
00:25:12.61\00:25:16.68
the priest at my
home. What He's done to me
00:25:16.71\00:25:19.75
I need to show now to my family
00:25:19.78\00:25:22.15
I think too you know,
thinking about 1 Timothy 5:8
00:25:23.15\00:25:26.19
can't recall now every little
detail but I also think about
00:25:26.22\00:25:29.32
the fact that what would the
Trinity look like without the
00:25:29.36\00:25:33.29
Father. If we place that
much importance into our homes
00:25:33.33\00:25:40.07
of being a father, a Christian
good father towards children
00:25:40.10\00:25:46.91
you know the way God the Father
loves not just His Son but
00:25:46.94\00:25:52.11
everybody, it will be stronger
homes. I think we will have
00:25:52.15\00:25:56.69
strong homes and the importance
of it can't be emphasized enough
00:25:56.72\00:26:01.69
1 Timothy 5 reference that you
quoted, if that father is not
00:26:05.46\00:26:10.83
take care of his household,
he's worse than an infidel
00:26:10.87\00:26:15.64
So part of taking care of your
household is to restore and to
00:26:15.67\00:26:23.21
keep God's image in front
of them. Just praying for them
00:26:23.24\00:26:27.95
Praying for your
children. Doing what you can
00:26:27.98\00:26:31.72
to show them how
much you love them
00:26:31.75\00:26:33.72
all of those things, and working
financially, there's a whole
00:26:33.76\00:26:38.86
whole package has to be there
00:26:38.89\00:26:41.16
But you can't say, you
know what I give up on this or I
00:26:41.20\00:26:45.50
not gonna do, Bible says
you're worse than an infidel
00:26:45.53\00:26:48.40
Not even an
infidel, you're worse than
00:26:48.44\00:26:50.17
I think, I don't know we'll make
sure you're right. I think it's
00:26:51.47\00:26:54.51
1 Timothy 4:8,
if I'm not mistaken
00:26:54.54\00:26:57.25
wait till we get to our
Bibles fathers, but anyway
00:26:58.01\00:27:00.48
wait till we get to our
Bibles but it's and look at the
00:27:00.52\00:27:05.72
reference, it says if you're
not taking care of your children
00:27:05.75\00:27:10.43
or those of your own,
doesn't say children, your own
00:27:10.46\00:27:13.90
and then
especially those in your house
00:27:13.93\00:27:16.43
1 Timothy 5:8. Thank you.
See that's why he's the father
00:27:16.46\00:27:20.20
figure in this room. Hahaha.
That's why he's the father
00:27:20.24\00:27:23.10
figure in this room.
May we keep on going but
00:27:23.14\00:27:25.97
we're running out of time.
So next time we gotta pick this
00:27:26.01\00:27:28.81
up again though we definitely
do And for the viewers out there
00:27:28.84\00:27:32.55
thank you for joining us
today. If you have any questions
00:27:32.58\00:27:35.82
comments, concerns,
email us AFH@3ABN.ORG
00:27:35.85\00:27:41.09
AFH@3ABN.ORG We
cannot live without a
00:27:41.12\00:27:45.09
with a Fatherless Trinity.
We cannot live in this way
00:27:45.13\00:27:49.56
and fathers out there,
it's hard to be an example
00:27:49.60\00:27:54.24
of God but it's not impossible
With God all things are possible
00:27:54.27\00:27:58.21
Thank you for watching
00:27:58.24\00:27:59.84