A good father takes time to play 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.50 He has strong integrity 00:00:04.93\00:00:07.37 He is someone that is truly dedicated 00:00:07.87\00:00:10.14 He's not afraid to show his love 00:00:12.17\00:00:13.98 He is a caring provider 00:00:15.84\00:00:17.98 And, he is a kind spiritual leader 00:00:20.05\00:00:22.72 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart 00:00:22.75\00:00:26.19 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart. My name is Xavier 00:00:30.13\00:00:32.96 Today we'll be talking about baby momma. 00:00:32.99\00:00:35.16 She's going to be in your life forever and it's okay. 00:00:35.20\00:00:38.20 Every father is in different situations, different instances 00:00:38.23\00:00:41.90 a lot of times nowadays, unfortunately, we do have a lot 00:00:41.94\00:00:45.27 of baby mommas and we do have a lot of baby daddies. 00:00:45.31\00:00:48.74 But a lot of times the daddies are not okay with baby mommas 00:00:48.78\00:00:52.51 So today to talk about this with me today is Gordon and Denry 00:00:52.55\00:00:56.62 How you guys doing? Pretty good man, really good 00:00:56.65\00:00:59.39 Good. Baby mommas. I know a little bit about you guys 00:00:59.42\00:01:04.69 And I know you don't have baby mommas. I mean you do, 00:01:04.73\00:01:07.86 but you're married to them. hahahaha, yeah 00:01:07.90\00:01:10.47 You know me myself, I do have a four year old 00:01:11.00\00:01:13.10 from a previous marriage and baby mommas we know can be 00:01:13.13\00:01:19.37 difficult because there's a friction, a break 00:01:19.41\00:01:23.51 the bond is gone. Some people don't even have the marriage 00:01:23.55\00:01:27.65 to look back on. They just have a baby momma 00:01:27.68\00:01:30.69 And I want to talk a little bit about the interaction because 00:01:31.35\00:01:34.42 for me, it took me a while. It took a lot of prayer 00:01:34.46\00:01:38.39 and not because the person, the mother of my child is bad 00:01:38.43\00:01:41.83 but because I chose the wrong person. However, I still have to 00:01:41.86\00:01:46.00 show respect to her as the mother of my child 00:01:46.03\00:01:48.60 In that time too you have the element of child exhibiting 00:01:48.64\00:01:54.18 traits from the mother which initially frustrated you in the 00:01:54.21\00:01:56.54 first place. So you know those elements come into play for me 00:01:56.58\00:02:00.35 I know it took a lot of prayer, it took counseling, it took 00:02:00.38\00:02:02.98 you know I had a big system of support to be able to overcome 00:02:03.02\00:02:08.49 and respect her because either way she's going to be in my 00:02:08.52\00:02:11.13 child's life forever. And either I step in to be a father 00:02:11.16\00:02:16.16 or I step out all the way and that's not an option 00:02:16.20\00:02:18.67 So what do you guys think about that? 00:02:18.70\00:02:21.14 You know one thing I'm learnin is words. I have a difficult 00:02:21.17\00:02:24.74 time with words. Sometimes from my background, how I interpret 00:02:24.77\00:02:29.44 words and I see how words have so much meaning. 00:02:29.48\00:02:33.01 And even when we look at the history of the words baby mother 00:02:33.05\00:02:39.09 it comes with a negative connotation. 00:02:39.12\00:02:42.66 You know it's usually baby mother drama, comes from our 00:02:42.69\00:02:46.90 urban societies where it's one of those words that you take 00:02:46.93\00:02:51.77 it's a negative words but you try to put a positive light 00:02:51.80\00:02:55.64 to it. And so rather than referring to the mother of our 00:02:55.67\00:03:00.81 children as baby mothers because it has that negativity 00:03:00.84\00:03:04.31 refer to them as they are, the mother of my child 00:03:04.35\00:03:07.82 What's wrong with that. And that also gives us psychologically 00:03:08.52\00:03:13.12 hey, there's a reverence and respect that she gets. 00:03:13.15\00:03:16.49 Even if she's problematic there's reverence and respect 00:03:18.13\00:03:24.97 she gets because she's the mother of my child 00:03:25.00\00:03:28.97 Even if she's problematic as you say that isn't the child's fault 00:03:29.60\00:03:37.28 And we should keep the children out of the, I think you 00:03:38.05\00:03:46.76 at one point in time you were in love, whatever it is that 00:03:46.79\00:03:51.19 you call it. At one point in time you felt some kind of way 00:03:51.23\00:03:54.56 you chose to have this child together or maybe you didn't but 00:03:54.60\00:04:00.54 it just happened or whatever the situation is 00:04:00.57\00:04:03.14 but the fact of the matter is if you're having difficulties 00:04:03.17\00:04:07.68 or drama whatever you want to call it, yes that mother is 00:04:07.71\00:04:10.68 going to be in the child's life. 00:04:10.71\00:04:12.51 Forever. So that father and that mother need to get along 00:04:12.55\00:04:21.42 together for the benefit of the child and I think that is where 00:04:21.46\00:04:25.59 we adults, you've grown, you're grown already, done your thing 00:04:25.63\00:04:32.47 give your child a chance to have some semblance of wholeness 00:04:32.50\00:04:37.27 where the mother and father even if you're not in the same home 00:04:37.31\00:04:42.28 together I think that child needs to have some semblance 00:04:42.31\00:04:45.01 of wholeness - to be whole. Yes it's true. I think my wife 00:04:45.05\00:04:48.38 now, she told me to pray for her to pray for my ex-wife. Listen 00:04:48.42\00:04:53.99 I'm not gonna lie, it was hard It was hard. Jesus you know 00:04:54.02\00:04:59.19 says love your enemies. I was like God you know I can love 00:04:59.23\00:05:03.87 these enemies, but not this one. You know it's because of that 00:05:03.90\00:05:08.50 emotion, that friction, that anger and God kept reminding me 00:05:08.54\00:05:14.74 it's not about you, it's about your little one. 00:05:14.78\00:05:17.15 And when I thought about what God revealed to me, 00:05:17.18\00:05:19.68 just the fact that I had to man up, I had to man up 00:05:19.71\00:05:24.32 just like he told Paul, my grace is sufficient for you 00:05:24.35\00:05:27.06 man up. You know a lot of times we find these excuses not to be 00:05:27.09\00:05:30.83 part of the child's life because we can't get along with mother 00:05:30.86\00:05:33.86 and we lead this child astray. We are cannibal, we are cannibal 00:05:34.36\00:05:39.47 so for me it was like you had to man up, I had to man up 00:05:39.50\00:05:43.44 and be in the life of my child and find a way to have what they 00:05:43.47\00:05:47.21 call co-parental relationship with the baby's mother. 00:05:47.24\00:05:50.25 With my child's mother. So how do we, I mean what about 00:05:50.28\00:05:53.28 have you guys anything, I know you work in the church, have you 00:05:53.31\00:05:56.15 seen anybody like that, you know in a relationship, how do you 00:05:56.18\00:05:59.42 how do they even begin to have a relationship with the mother 00:05:59.45\00:06:03.43 where it's just a co-parental relationship? 00:06:03.46\00:06:06.09 You're saying the word man up. And I think society has 00:06:06.83\00:06:12.77 misunderstood what that term means. Man up means we think 00:06:12.80\00:06:17.61 don't cry, that's not manly like No, no. Man up means take 00:06:17.64\00:06:22.04 responsibility. Own up to your responsibility. This is your 00:06:22.08\00:06:28.28 child. Invest in your child's life. And there's a word 00:06:28.32\00:06:32.99 that we hear a lot and I think the word breaks down the psyche 00:06:33.02\00:06:38.49 of our children. You were a mistake. Or even if we don't 00:06:38.53\00:06:44.53 necessarily say it but because how the father and the mother 00:06:44.57\00:06:50.14 act towards each other, they can't stand each other, the 00:06:50.17\00:06:54.48 argument constantly, the drama. It says to the child, man 00:06:54.51\00:06:59.81 maybe if I wasn't here, mom and dad would've been better. 00:06:59.85\00:07:03.22 And especially if the child hears before you were here 00:07:03.25\00:07:07.26 he used to take me out, he used to do these things for me 00:07:07.29\00:07:11.66 So in the child's mind, it's oh I was a mistake 00:07:12.86\00:07:18.27 I wasn't meant to be. 00:07:18.87\00:07:20.54 See the crazy but wonderful thing about God is He takes 00:07:21.34\00:07:24.64 what we consider mistakes 00:07:24.67\00:07:29.14 He takes our mess and brings a messiah out of it. 00:07:29.18\00:07:33.18 So all of us now have a message. Now you look at Solomon, you 00:07:33.21\00:07:36.52 could say Solomon was a mistake. David and Bathsheba were not 00:07:36.55\00:07:40.46 supposed to be together. So Solomon if you want to say 00:07:40.49\00:07:44.39 is a mistake but look at Solomon the wisest man and look at his 00:07:44.43\00:07:46.96 lineage. Who comes on the scene? 00:07:47.00\00:07:49.46 The Messiah. And now we have a message to all the fathers and 00:07:49.50\00:07:53.54 everyone, yes you may think you made a mistake 00:07:53.57\00:07:57.44 but God takes our mess and when you put it in His hand 00:07:57.47\00:08:03.14 No child is a mistake. No child. Absolutely not. 00:08:04.11\00:08:08.25 Even is the parents are not getting along that child should 00:08:08.28\00:08:12.79 never feel that they're in the middle of it and they're 00:08:12.82\00:08:17.66 the problem. The child should never be made to feel that way. 00:08:17.69\00:08:21.50 That's why the parents need to work on their issues and leave 00:08:21.53\00:08:25.33 the child out of it because this becomes even more complicated 00:08:25.37\00:08:29.00 because you're married, you divorce and there's a child 00:08:29.04\00:08:34.78 and now that woman gets married to someone else, so here's a 00:08:34.81\00:08:41.98 you get married to someone else and if that mother don't want 00:08:42.02\00:08:46.86 you to see your child that gets even more complicated 00:08:46.89\00:08:50.13 how do you keep the child out of all of that? 00:08:50.16\00:08:54.13 And still be able to make that child feel secure and to be able 00:08:54.16\00:09:00.07 to go on with life. I think that's how difficult it is 00:09:00.10\00:09:03.10 and we need to be able to manage that and one of the things 00:09:03.14\00:09:05.24 I think that we can do is be respectful of each other 00:09:05.27\00:09:09.58 as parents, we have to respect the fact that we have a child 00:09:09.61\00:09:14.68 let's deal with the issue. A lot of times we don't deal 00:09:14.72\00:09:17.75 with the issue, we want to deal with everything else, we want to 00:09:17.79\00:09:21.09 put the children in the middle. But if the issue is 00:09:21.12\00:09:25.43 spending time, child support whatever it is, 00:09:25.46\00:09:27.66 deal with that issue and not argue about all kinds of 00:09:27.70\00:09:31.97 other things. Put your emotions away, put your feelings aside 00:09:32.00\00:09:35.70 and just do what's right for the benefit of the child 00:09:35.74\00:09:38.74 That's what gets me. It gets me because children always 00:09:38.77\00:09:43.24 get the short end of it and we adults, you know you've 00:09:43.28\00:09:47.12 already made a mess of your life, give the children a chance 00:09:47.15\00:09:51.29 It's important because I know as a parent for me that was 00:09:51.32\00:09:55.16 really tough when I was in seminary and my daughter 00:09:55.19\00:10:00.00 I was really depressed at home and really depressed 00:10:00.03\00:10:03.80 like I didn't want to live any more even though I had Christ 00:10:03.83\00:10:06.10 in my life, even though I'm walking with Him 00:10:06.13\00:10:08.10 just I hit a pitfall, I was at the bottom of the well 00:10:08.14\00:10:13.04 my well was dry and I contemplated taking my life 00:10:13.07\00:10:17.45 and you know what God did. I had a picture of my daughter 00:10:18.08\00:10:21.98 on the wall and I looked at her and He said if you don't want to 00:10:22.02\00:10:25.35 live for me or for yourself, at least live for her. 00:10:25.39\00:10:28.52 I was like, Wow, wow! 00:10:28.56\00:10:31.46 It was quick. I just get emotional just thinking about it 00:10:32.06\00:10:35.16 it's like sometimes we are so selfish, we wanna be right, 00:10:35.20\00:10:40.44 we want to battle against the other parent, we wanna be 00:10:40.47\00:10:42.70 you're wrong, no you're wrong who cares? who cares? 00:10:42.74\00:10:46.24 It's your child, an innocent human being who's caught in the 00:10:46.27\00:10:50.21 middle, who needs to be loved and cherished, and you know 00:10:50.25\00:10:55.15 let's go beyond that. What about I know a lot of parents that are 00:10:55.18\00:10:58.99 never gotten married and they you know they commercialize 00:10:59.02\00:11:03.12 these things into entertainment hey let's entertain the fact 00:11:03.16\00:11:09.30 you're not there, let me go get DNA tested and everything 00:11:09.33\00:11:11.43 because you're not the baby's father, you're not the baby's 00:11:11.47\00:11:13.00 blah blah blah. But what about those that do know that they are 00:11:13.03\00:11:16.81 the baby's father but they use the excuse I'm not married 00:11:16.84\00:11:19.77 to her, I've never been and I pay my child support on time 00:11:19.81\00:11:24.01 How do we tell them as ministers how do we tell them how to cope 00:11:25.08\00:11:31.15 with the mother of the child because you know she's gonna be 00:11:31.19\00:11:34.69 tch tch tch a lot of times, or he might be tch tch tch 00:11:34.72\00:11:38.16 a lot of times. How do we tell them, you know, to just be quiet 00:11:38.19\00:11:41.86 and focus on your child and respect the mother of your child 00:11:41.90\00:11:45.63 as the mother. How do we? That father needs to have a 00:11:45.67\00:11:49.00 connection with the Heavenly Father and understand the 00:11:49.04\00:11:52.67 Heavenly Father's heart. Once they have that kinda connection 00:11:52.71\00:11:56.51 then they can relate, no matter what darts come their way. 00:11:56.54\00:12:01.75 they can deflect it to Jesus and deal with their child 00:12:01.78\00:12:09.99 see because when we, we are emotional beings and when we're 00:12:10.03\00:12:14.93 attacked we want to retaliate but the father needs to say no 00:12:14.96\00:12:18.93 for the benefit of my child I can't retaliate. This is about 00:12:18.97\00:12:25.57 the child, it's not about me. 00:12:25.61\00:12:28.84 Throw all the darts you want at me but leave the children 00:12:29.61\00:12:34.45 out of it. I think that's what that father needs to do. 00:12:34.48\00:12:38.39 Be able to, throw those darts at me but when it comes your way 00:12:38.42\00:12:42.12 say Jesus, here it's yours. I'm going to be there for my child 00:12:42.16\00:12:47.86 It's more than just child support. It's more than that. 00:12:47.90\00:12:52.20 10, 20 dollars whatever it is it's not going to make a 00:12:52.23\00:12:55.07 difference to that child's life. What makes the difference is 00:12:55.10\00:12:57.87 you being there for the child, spending time, as much time as 00:12:57.91\00:13:02.74 you can with the child. Now it becomes difficult when the 00:13:02.78\00:13:07.52 mother or father whoever has custody don't want you to spend 00:13:07.55\00:13:11.05 time with the child. It becomes very difficult. But if you don't 00:13:11.09\00:13:15.02 have that problem then spend as much time as you can 00:13:15.06\00:13:18.66 with the child, I think that helps. 00:13:18.69\00:13:21.53 Now Ephesians talks about how the Father's love and if you 00:13:21.56\00:13:25.97 notice it's talking about, the last 4 chapters your know 00:13:26.00\00:13:29.87 husbands love your wives, then it says fathers, you know, 00:13:29.90\00:13:35.78 raise your children in a loving Christ's way, it's speaking to 00:13:35.81\00:13:39.78 fathers and when you look at God's relationship with us 00:13:39.81\00:13:44.65 now I'm not trying to be theological here, but let's look 00:13:46.49\00:13:50.29 for a second at God created the world, perfect. Perfect world 00:13:50.33\00:13:56.73 There was nothing wrong with it. No sin, no pollution no bad word 00:13:56.77\00:14:00.84 no nothing. We chose. We always say if I was there, come on man 00:14:00.87\00:14:08.71 let's be honest. Some of us would've made pies out of that 00:14:08.74\00:14:11.88 fruit, whatever fruit that was on the tree, sell it, market it 00:14:11.91\00:14:15.72 whatever. But we made the mistake but look what God did. 00:14:15.75\00:14:20.46 He steps in, He takes full responsibility. 00:14:20.49\00:14:24.79 He takes full responsibility. I think we forget John 3:16 00:14:27.36\00:14:31.73 We look at the part where He sent His son, but God So Loved 00:14:31.77\00:14:36.77 the world, the Father loved the world so much that He gave 00:14:36.81\00:14:44.15 His Son and that word means dispose of, to our disposal 00:14:44.18\00:14:49.52 because He loved us so much He gave His Son 00:14:50.69\00:14:53.89 so that we can live. God took, you talked about man up, God 00:14:53.92\00:14:57.89 manned up, or God up, whatever in this case and took full 00:14:57.93\00:15:02.23 responsibility for our actions. And so fathers whatever you may 00:15:02.26\00:15:10.41 think about the lady, you can even save her life her salvation 00:15:10.44\00:15:17.08 by how you demonstrate the love of God towards your child. 00:15:17.11\00:15:20.48 That love is unconditional. No strings attached. 00:15:20.52\00:15:24.59 No strings attached. That's the type of love I think fathers 00:15:24.62\00:15:27.56 we need to have, testify. Yeah man that's unconditional. So 00:15:27.59\00:15:31.09 no matter you throw this at me, you throw that at me 00:15:31.13\00:15:34.30 you can talk about me as much as you want, I'm still gonna 00:15:34.33\00:15:39.93 gonna love that child and guess what I'm still gonna love you. 00:15:39.97\00:15:43.04 Yes. Just lookin at the Bible itself because a lot of people 00:15:43.07\00:15:46.81 take the Bible and discard it as a fairy tale or stories and I 00:15:46.84\00:15:52.45 found comfort in the story of Jesus not because of His life 00:15:52.48\00:15:57.65 itself. If most people don't read the Bible they don't 00:15:57.69\00:16:01.52 understand the fact that Jesus had older brothers which goes 00:16:01.56\00:16:04.16 to show that Joseph had a previous marriage 00:16:04.19\00:16:06.39 whether he was divorced, whether she passed away, nobody knows 00:16:06.43\00:16:09.86 that's fine, that's not the point. Point is that Jesus 00:16:09.90\00:16:12.70 Himself did not come from a perfect background. 00:16:12.73\00:16:14.87 Now if I place myself in Joseph's shoes, you know 00:16:14.90\00:16:19.27 hey, by the way, this is the Holy Spirit, I got your girl 00:16:19.31\00:16:22.34 pregnant and you gotta raise this child, you guys. 00:16:22.38\00:16:26.21 Raise Him right, He's gonna be the Savior of the world 00:16:26.25\00:16:29.42 Now I know you guys are going to get married you aint married yet 00:16:30.02\00:16:32.45 but just to let you know she's pregnant. And Joseph, I mean 00:16:32.49\00:16:35.46 I'd be freakin out, like what's going on? Yeah, what? huh? 00:16:35.49\00:16:39.46 And I understand he wanted to put her away you know 00:16:39.49\00:16:43.00 out of his righteousness he wanted to put her away and 00:16:43.03\00:16:45.27 but instead the angel came and told him, hey don't do that. 00:16:45.30\00:16:49.20 He's the Savior of the world and He's going to be named Jesus 00:16:49.24\00:16:52.21 And to me, I'm like, even Jesus did not come from a perfect 00:16:52.24\00:16:56.21 ideal family and what if Jesus didn't even look like Joseph? 00:16:56.24\00:17:01.78 you know questions and murmuring but the point is that Jesus 00:17:02.88\00:17:05.92 came from an imperfect family as a perfect Savior. 00:17:05.95\00:17:10.26 Did you ever think about, just going with you, Joseph 00:17:11.16\00:17:15.33 whatever kind of diapers they had back then 00:17:15.36\00:17:18.03 Joseph changed God's diapers? 00:17:18.07\00:17:21.04 Did you ever think about that? Remember how the context 00:17:21.07\00:17:24.51 at first when he heard Mary was pregnant, first of all who would 00:17:24.54\00:17:28.91 believe this? And then to say on top of it's from the Holy Spirit 00:17:28.94\00:17:32.51 Whatever interpretation of how you view it but it just doesn't 00:17:32.55\00:17:36.18 make sense in human nature. How is this possible in human nature 00:17:36.22\00:17:40.16 whether he did we don't know but because he heard it was 00:17:40.19\00:17:46.33 from God he said ok. But look even before when he found she 00:17:46.36\00:17:52.37 was pregnant it says, in respect for her he was going to do it 00:17:52.40\00:17:56.84 quietly. He was going to divorce her quietly 00:17:56.87\00:17:58.87 He still had respect for her. 00:17:58.91\00:18:02.41 We can learn a lot from Joseph. Then when Jesus comes he takes 00:18:02.44\00:18:08.42 Jesus as his son, think about it When Jesus took His first steps 00:18:08.45\00:18:13.96 when God took His first steps on earth as human, Joseph was there 00:18:13.99\00:18:18.86 When God fell for the first time he fell, whatever, Joseph was 00:18:20.13\00:18:26.17 probably I can imagine Joseph being a father, come here son 00:18:26.20\00:18:29.14 when the older ones were bullyin him or whatever, come here son 00:18:30.17\00:18:34.08 so even if this was outside of Joseph's box, Joseph took the 00:18:34.68\00:18:40.45 responsibility. You know we hear a lot about Mary but we don't 00:18:40.48\00:18:44.49 really realize that Joseph took care of God when He was a baby 00:18:44.52\00:18:50.53 And taught Him how to be a man 00:18:51.33\00:18:53.23 Wow! That is such a good picture of what a father should be like 00:18:53.26\00:18:59.73 But let's talk about what prevents us from being like that 00:19:00.74\00:19:04.97 I think what we're dealing with is when there's that separation 00:19:05.01\00:19:09.78 there's anger in both parties 00:19:10.65\00:19:14.98 so you have to get over that anger first. 00:19:15.02\00:19:17.59 Before you can relate to the child. And I love the thing 00:19:17.62\00:19:22.42 I love the text the Bible says Heap coals of fire on the head 00:19:22.46\00:19:26.09 by love, do kind things. If you are in that type of relationship 00:19:26.13\00:19:32.17 when God is working with you and you're dealing with God 00:19:32.20\00:19:34.84 and God is telling, you've got to love this person you have 00:19:34.87\00:19:39.01 to love this person. So you do nice things. You do kind things 00:19:39.04\00:19:43.14 that person will give you the right to be in your child's life 00:19:43.18\00:19:50.59 because you will have no friction. It takes 2 to fight. 00:19:51.75\00:19:54.76 You gonna fight but I'm not gonna fight with you. 00:19:55.59\00:19:57.73 I'm not going to retaliate. I'm just going to love you. 00:19:57.76\00:20:01.16 I think that makes a difference. That's unconditional love 00:20:01.20\00:20:04.33 that we talked about in the whole context of baby momma 00:20:04.37\00:20:08.14 situation. It would make a huge difference in life. 00:20:08.17\00:20:12.54 But we just don't love. We're all so tied up with ourselves 00:20:12.57\00:20:15.01 and you know we all want to fight, we just want to fight 00:20:15.04\00:20:18.98 with each other instead of loving each other. 00:20:19.01\00:20:21.28 And love will conquer a multitude of stuff. 00:20:21.32\00:20:24.35 At times you know people get divorced. 00:20:24.39\00:20:27.06 Fathers think if they divorce the wife, they divorce the 00:20:28.16\00:20:29.99 the children. You don't divorce your children. 00:20:30.03\00:20:32.16 And even the ones we hate to talk about it what is reality 00:20:32.19\00:20:36.36 even the ones that never got married but had children 00:20:36.40\00:20:39.07 they just kind of fade away, you know it's not right. You wanna 00:20:39.10\00:20:42.34 be sure you do things according you're married and then you 00:20:42.37\00:20:44.87 have kids but the reality is we don't see that today. 00:20:44.91\00:20:47.28 And even though we try to be politically correct the reality 00:20:47.31\00:20:51.98 is it happens and they still need to step up. 00:20:52.01\00:20:54.78 They still need to step up even if ideally it should be 00:20:54.82\00:20:58.85 that they marry the mother. 00:20:58.89\00:21:00.42 But even if that never happens at least have the dignity 00:21:00.46\00:21:04.66 and self-respect to be there for your child 00:21:04.69\00:21:08.30 At the end of it all is an innocent life at stake 00:21:08.33\00:21:13.90 and we are literally, as men of God, we are literally held 00:21:13.94\00:21:18.11 accountable as priests in the home, as the ones that take 00:21:18.14\00:21:21.38 like the Old Testament, we take the sacrificial lamb. We are 00:21:21.41\00:21:25.71 held accountable for our family for our children 00:21:25.75\00:21:28.45 for their wellbeing. We need to start stepping up regardless 00:21:28.48\00:21:32.25 of whether we get along with the mother or not. 00:21:32.29\00:21:34.09 You know we like to say we're Christians and we follow Christ 00:21:35.16\00:21:41.00 but sometimes are you willing to do everything Christ did? 00:21:41.03\00:21:44.67 What did Christ refer to Himself what kinda food did Christ refer 00:21:44.70\00:21:47.90 to Himself as? The Bread of Life 00:21:47.94\00:21:50.71 And what happens to bread? It becomes consumed. 00:21:50.74\00:21:55.64 When you're compassionate and God was driven by compassion 00:21:57.31\00:22:01.15 you make yourself available to be consumed 00:22:01.18\00:22:04.59 As a father it's not just paying child support 00:22:06.35\00:22:11.09 That's just beating the quotum, just the minimum 00:22:11.96\00:22:15.30 It's being consumed. Allowing yourself, especially if you are 00:22:15.33\00:22:20.90 a father where you and the wife are separate or whatever 00:22:20.94\00:22:23.81 or your ex is separate or the mother of your child is separate 00:22:23.84\00:22:28.71 especially in that case. 00:22:28.74\00:22:30.85 You are to be consumed more now because there is not the 00:22:30.88\00:22:36.05 Biblical foundation of the husband and the wife 00:22:36.08\00:22:39.25 so you're not 24 hours in the child's life. 00:22:40.32\00:22:44.63 whether it's every other weekend or every weekend 00:22:44.66\00:22:47.80 when you are with this child, you are to be consumed 00:22:47.83\00:22:52.33 by this child and even the baby mother 00:22:52.37\00:22:55.90 excuse me, the mother of the child. Mother of your child. 00:22:55.94\00:23:00.38 To be consumed, make yourself available and say here I am 00:23:01.38\00:23:05.75 how can I serve in a righteous way today? 00:23:05.78\00:23:08.95 How can I minister to you? If fathers see what they do 00:23:08.98\00:23:12.69 as ministry, cause that's the thing too, talking about 00:23:12.72\00:23:16.52 as pastors, we see pastoring as ministry 00:23:16.56\00:23:21.10 but as being parents we see what we do as labor, that's our labor 00:23:21.13\00:23:25.97 No, it's a ministry too. Their soul is in jeopardy without you 00:23:26.00\00:23:31.71 ministering to them. So ministering to our children 00:23:31.74\00:23:35.61 and to the mothers of our children 00:23:35.64\00:23:38.71 and the children, most of the time the children when they're 00:23:38.75\00:23:41.75 caught in the middle of the mess, most of the times 00:23:41.78\00:23:47.12 they end up being unproductive in society 00:23:47.16\00:23:53.03 and we have to be careful with that. We want our children 00:23:53.06\00:23:58.13 to be productive. We want them to be as whole as they can 00:23:58.17\00:24:03.51 because let's be real we live in a sinful world and because 00:24:03.54\00:24:07.78 all of us have sinned and come short of the glory of God 00:24:07.81\00:24:11.21 we need to make sure as best we can to keep our children 00:24:11.25\00:24:19.49 so that they will not become into pieces or just a mess 00:24:19.52\00:24:27.13 because of our situation. My question then to you 00:24:27.16\00:24:32.37 I'm just inquisitive, how did you deal with your situation 00:24:32.40\00:24:37.61 keeping your daughter out of it, how did you deal with it? 00:24:37.64\00:24:42.54 What are some of the things you did? 00:24:42.58\00:24:44.05 I exercised a lot to relieve that stress but honestly 00:24:44.08\00:24:48.35 I prayed. Like my wife now she says, pray for her and everythin 00:24:48.38\00:24:52.95 because in all honesty the child's mother also needs to 00:24:52.99\00:24:56.89 allow the child's father to interact with the child. Yes 00:24:56.93\00:24:59.86 So that's why prayer is important. To me it was 00:24:59.89\00:25:01.66 important not because out of self-righteousness 00:25:01.70\00:25:03.87 but because it was about me forgiving her. 00:25:03.90\00:25:07.04 And as far as her being able to be influenced by God to 00:25:07.07\00:25:11.54 let me see my child. And I fought for it, I went to court 00:25:11.57\00:25:14.74 and I fought for her. I fought for my daughter. 00:25:14.78\00:25:17.45 I cried, it was hard. I wanted to give up countless times 00:25:17.48\00:25:21.18 but because it was my child, nothing would stand between me 00:25:21.22\00:25:27.26 and my child. And that's the thing you ought to understand 00:25:27.29\00:25:30.63 praying about the other person is as much about you healing 00:25:30.66\00:25:34.56 as God healing the other person 00:25:34.60\00:25:36.73 and being able to have a co-parental relationship 00:25:36.77\00:25:39.03 in which you can see the child because right now there's a lot 00:25:39.07\00:25:42.54 of people that are going through this and are silent about it. 00:25:42.57\00:25:45.11 They have gone through this but are silent about it. 00:25:46.21\00:25:48.14 We need to remove the taboo label and talk about it. 00:25:48.18\00:25:51.01 Fix it, work on it and get parents to work together to 00:25:51.05\00:25:55.88 be there for the child. 00:25:55.92\00:25:57.25 So prayer is an important component is what you're saying? 00:25:57.29\00:25:59.49 Very much. We've got to as parents, husbands, wives pray 00:25:59.52\00:26:05.49 about every issue even when we're not together. 00:26:05.53\00:26:09.50 And not only pray but do some thing about because we can 00:26:09.53\00:26:14.54 pray but if we don't make some kind of positive move to show 00:26:14.57\00:26:19.57 love, what it is to fight for your child, I mean fight for 00:26:19.61\00:26:23.78 that relationship. I know a lot of folks that are going 00:26:23.81\00:26:27.45 through a similar situation but some of them have just given up 00:26:27.48\00:26:33.56 They've just given up, so the child suffers. 00:26:34.86\00:26:36.89 I just want to thank my biological dad 00:26:36.93\00:26:41.10 I just want to thank him. I wanted more, didn't get more 00:26:41.13\00:26:46.47 but I'll never forget, well they told me about it 00:26:46.50\00:26:50.04 and my mother shared it to me again recently 00:26:50.07\00:26:52.97 that there was a time when I was about 2-3 years old 00:26:53.01\00:26:57.05 I was about to die, she called on him and he rushed me to 00:26:57.08\00:27:03.18 emergency room. So just want to say Thank You dad. 00:27:03.22\00:27:07.22 from the bottom of my heart that you were there 00:27:07.26\00:27:12.23 even if it was just that, you were there. 00:27:12.26\00:27:15.10 And this is awesome. We can keep going on and on 00:27:15.13\00:27:19.77 but we ran out of time. So if you have any questions 00:27:20.10\00:27:24.44 and I know that you do, email us at AFH@3ABN.org 00:27:24.47\00:27:29.48 Again, AFH@3ABN.org 00:27:29.51\00:27:31.78 with your questions or comments and we'll address them as 00:27:31.81\00:27:34.82 we possibly can. Again, be there for your children 00:27:34.85\00:27:38.22 fight for your children. Yes, the mother of your child is 00:27:38.25\00:27:41.32 going to be there. Respect her as best you can, if you can't 00:27:41.36\00:27:44.23 get on your knees and respect your Maker. He will help you 00:27:44.26\00:27:47.46 respect her. Pray for your children, be there for your 00:27:47.50\00:27:50.37 children, fight like your life depends on it. Even if yours 00:27:50.40\00:27:54.00 doesn't theirs does. So man up. And be there for your child 00:27:54.04\00:27:59.27 Thank you for watching. 00:27:59.31\00:28:01.48