A good father takes time to play
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He has strong integrity. He is
truly someone who is dedicated
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He's not afraid to show his love
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He is a caring provider
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And he's a kind spiritual leader
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These are just a few ways
to describe a father's heart.
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Hi and welcome to A Father's
Heart. My name is Xavier
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and I'll be your host today.
I am a father of two children
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Two little girls. Unfortunately,
kids don't come with manuals
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So this program caters to
the fathers that are out there
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and we're here to talk about
what it's like to be a father
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What is it? What does it take?
Do you have to have a manual?
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Do you have to Google anything?
And right now we're just gonna
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discuss, and please
join us in conversation today
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for the topic of genetics.
It's not your child's fault
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With me today is
Gordon and Denry. Welcome
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Thank you, thank you.
Thanks for having us man
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Denry how many kids do you
have? Man I have 3 children
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3 children. 2
boys and a little girl.
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And they are the delight of
my life man. They bring me joy
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and they also bring me
gray hair but I love them.
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And Gordon? I have 2
children. I have a boy, Justin
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he is 19 years old, on his
way to college and my daughter
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she's 16. Both of them
are the delight of my life.
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Matter of fact I'm havin
tears already in my eyes because
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my son is gonna be leaving
home soon, so. I love them.
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Man, I'm looking
forward to that day.
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But he's closer to it
so it's realistic for him
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But for me I'm countin down.
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12 more years to go, for one.
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You wait until you get to
that point, I know, I know
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how hard it is, I'm gonna
change my mind, yeah my daughter
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my oldest is 4 years old
and then I have a newborn and
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I don't want to grow up. 7 years
old, that's good enough for me.
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and stay there, don't go any
further. But it's just crazy how
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have you ever heard when they
say you know growin up at home
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or anything like that, you know
you're just like your father
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Yes man, oh man, my mother
Let me grab my pillow for this
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my mother has told me so many
times you remind me of your dad
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or you're just like your father.
Or you know she would say my
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my dad's name, you're Delvin
you know and sometimes in the
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positive but a lot of
times in the negative.
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Lot of times in the negative.
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So cast the blame, let's say
you're to be blamed for all of
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your father's mistake. And
really as fathers we shouldn't
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cast blame. We should
be able to take the blame
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from all of our mistakes
in ourselves. I think what we
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do as fathers is that we
kind of project our mistakes
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on the child and that shouldn't
happen because that child
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takes that blame
throughout their lifetime.
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And you know what it did for me
was that, and my mother did it
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in love, maybe just out of
humor but you're just like your
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father, even if I was datin a
girl you know, my father was a
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I guess a womanizer would
you consider and so she was like
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you know you remember
you are your father's son.
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And so the thought would always
be in my mind, man even if I had
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good intentions, or a pure
mind set because she keeps sayin
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you know you're just like your
father maybe I should be more
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like my father. Maybe
I should be a womanizer.
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And so those
questions were always in my mind
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am I being like my
father or am I not?
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So it really didn't
help you. Not really, no.
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And it's difficult because
like my 4 year old daughter
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she is from my previous
marriage and a lot of times
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you know unconsciously
some of the things that she does
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kind of play on my
mind, I have to catch myself
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because it's difficult you know
to separate yourself from that
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when you see some of the traits
and everything, whether you
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come from a, whether your child
is from a loving, caring home
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or comes from a divorced home
it's difficult to be a father
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when you see some of the traits
from, you know, the mother
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or anything like that and
you have to catch yourself,
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or even when you, like I
said I resonate what you said
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Denry because growin up, I grew
up in a normal, typical home
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and you know my dad, my
mom but there's a lot of times
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my mom would be like,
you're just like your father.
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you know, you're just and it
made me want to alienate myself
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with you know as far as like
my temper and things like that
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my dad, I loved my dad but you
know when they said that to me
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why work on myself, why be
better, why just not continue
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I mean if I'm just
like him why even try?
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What's different for me in
my home, my mom never said that
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I was never told that but
somehow you know as I got older
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I realized that I'm just
like him. You know my dad would
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always have a whole
bunch of stuff in his pocket
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receipts whatever it is and
it hit me I think I was about
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20, in my 20s and I put
my hands in my pocket one day
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and I pulled it out and I'm
like Wow I'm just like my dad!
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But I never had that
image imprinted in my mind
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but I realized later you
know that I'm just like him
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and as a child what I remember
clearly is not wanting to be
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like him because he wasn't
always home, he worked away
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from home and he'd just
come home on the weekends and
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whenever he came home he
still didn't have time for us,
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he was out doing everything
else. We went to church
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and he was not an Adventist,
so it was just myself, my sister
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my adopted brother and my mom
But I said to myself, I'm not
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gonna be like him, even workin
work ethic, workin all the time
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no time for the family. You know
what I realized, I realized that
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even as a pastor I have to
really force myself and check
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myself so that I don't become
like him just spendin all the
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time workin, workin on
this, workin on everything else
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but my family. So I made
the effort to slow down and
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realize you know
what, you gotta spend time
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with the children. So
even though I didn't have that
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imprinted in me because I
think it's something in the DNA
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I realized that I have these
tendencies as my dad's, I know
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that we can throw it
away, I think we need to realize
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that and not blame our children
but put the blame on ourselves
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and realize you know what,
this is me and I can make some
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corrections here and I like
to look to my Heavenly Father
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because I think He
doesn't blame us for anything
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He takes the blame on Himself
and I think that is what matters
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we're takin the
blame on ourselves. Yeah.
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It's interesting he
came from that perspective.
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Like you know how much
he was trying not to be
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For me, I find myself
a genetic match of my dad
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A twin of my dad. I was lookin
at a picture what I mean by that
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lookin at a picture, years ago I
was in Florida visitin relatives
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my aunt, my dad's
sister and opened up the album
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and I saw a picture of myself
and I was tryin to say to myself
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when was I at this event,
the event that was goin on?
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Like when was this? My
aunt was like that's not you
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that's your father. And I
was so shocked that I was lookin
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at a picture of my dad
but I thought it was me.
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And it's so much, you
cannot avoid it sometimes.
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You just can't avoid being
who you are. And so you use it
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now I tend to use it now
for good to bring out the good
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in my father. The bad stuff
like he said, I'll let the Lord
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work those things out. But
the good traits of my father
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is humor, those things so now
instead of saying I'm not gonna
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be like my father, my father
is in me which I had no choice
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to be like my father.
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I think we make a choice, we
have to make a conscious choice
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to say you know what, I'm
not gonna go down this road
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and a lot of fathers are not
making those conscious choices
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This is not where I wanna
go, I want to be different
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I'm going to model
something else or someone else
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sometimes we don't have
that right image from our
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biological fathers but we
can find somebody to model
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whereby we can choose
to make different choices.
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That's the thing you know,
we have to you say come to a
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realization of it because
that's affecting us as fathers
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Whether we like it or not
it's affecting us consciously or
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unconsciously and it's ok in a
way to say, you know, it's there
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but it's not ok to keep
going with it. If we know it's
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something wrong, especially
where we raise our children
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because then we keep that
generational sin essentially
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that generational mishap, you
know, going with our kids and
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you know I think about it with
my dad, I love, like I said,
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I love my dad, he was very
authoritarian so it was my way
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or the highway and for me
I've taken a different approach
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it's been difficult, it hasn't
been perfect and I've had to
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pray about it a lot and
study a lot and really come to a
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realization, you know, I don't
want to make the same mistakes
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kinda like what you said Denry,
you know, you bring out the good
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and my dad is great but I'm
trying to do the good there, he
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the good qualities that he
has and I talk to my kids, I
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dialogue with them and instead
of saying my way or the highway
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I kind of, even though she's 4
and my newborn she's goo and gaa
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but my wife and I give her the
attention recognizing that from
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now we're giving you
the attention you need
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not perfect because I'm gonna
mess up but at least I know
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I can do better than what
I did before and it's taking
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a lot of work, you know men
are prideful and we're father
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you know, we don't make mistakes
so it's different, I mean I
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don't know, what do
you think about that?
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I mean what do you do with that?
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Well in my case I'm
torn between two worlds.
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my biological father
and then my step father.
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Actually, three worlds. My
biological father, my stepfather
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and then my Father in heaven
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Hmm. Right. But my
biological father, genetically,
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things come out. Uh huh. And
he's not around you know, so I
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want to ask questions about
certain things, my temperament
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and these things but he's
not around, so I can't ask him
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But then I noticed I've adapted
things from my stepfather
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who's not my biological
father but because he was around
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he's the one who raised
me, you know, I found myself
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patterned and I said the same
thing to God, I don't want to be
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like you when I grow up.
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Because there were some
things goin on in our home
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and I find out I'm just like
him, so I'm like my biological
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father, I'm like my stepfather
both for some of the good
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and some of the bad. And I
have to consciously, literally
00:11:20.98\00:11:24.81
just like man, it's almost
like you're saying to yourself
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who am I going to be today?
Who am I going to be today?
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I'll tell you. this is kinda
tuggin at my heart's strings
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and I'm tryin
to hold it together
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I love my dad and so let me just
put this disclaimer out there
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But there's things he did,
how I was raised, he was never
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bein there, he was never there
00:11:57.91\00:11:59.91
I resented that whole,
my father for a long time
00:11:59.95\00:12:05.89
to the point
where when he got sick
00:12:09.86\00:12:16.26
I now didn't have time for him
00:12:17.50\00:12:19.83
Wow, wow, wow
00:12:19.87\00:12:21.87
I did everything
not to be available
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Then he got blind and he
needed me and would call me
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yeah, it affected me
and I didn't know how much
00:12:33.35\00:12:38.05
it affected me. I literally
had to look outside of my father
00:12:38.09\00:12:46.70
and outside of the
pain and really ask God to
00:12:46.73\00:12:51.33
change my heart because
my heart was real locked
00:12:51.37\00:12:56.57
where my dad was concerned. And
it's just because there was no
00:12:56.60\00:12:59.54
time. There was no time. I mean
we would go ridin in the car
00:12:59.57\00:13:03.75
we would go do some things but
it was different, we were always
00:13:03.78\00:13:06.88
goin to somebody's house and
there it was just me over there
00:13:06.92\00:13:11.52
and my dad is doin
what he needs to do,
00:13:11.55\00:13:13.76
so I was always by myself.
So when you get to that point
00:13:13.79\00:13:17.36
when I'm grown I don't have
time for you when you need me
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The older he got, he
got sick, in a nursing home
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I wouldn't go. God
had to work on my heart.
00:13:30.17\00:13:34.84
I had to start to see my
father through the eyes of my
00:13:35.81\00:13:38.45
Heavenly Father and I thank God
that I was able to come to grips
00:13:38.48\00:13:44.45
with that. And were able to
go to the nursing home, singin,
00:13:44.49\00:13:50.03
prayin and talk to him
and develop that relationship
00:13:50.06\00:13:56.80
that we really didn't have and
I really had to forgive my dad
00:13:56.83\00:14:01.90
to move forward or I'd
never be able to move forward
00:14:01.94\00:14:05.47
So the genetics really played
into my life and the one thing
00:14:05.51\00:14:11.61
that I definitely wanted to make
sure that I'm not in the same
00:14:11.65\00:14:17.35
place with my
son and my daughter.
00:14:17.39\00:14:18.72
So I do everything that
I can. Am I perfect? No.
00:14:19.75\00:14:23.19
I make mistakes, yes
but I share with them
00:14:23.22\00:14:28.36
I talk with them, we have fun
and I spend that time because I
00:14:28.40\00:14:33.64
want this
generational issue to stop.
00:14:33.67\00:14:36.47
You know it mustn't go past
me. Because I don't want them to
00:14:37.21\00:14:40.64
feel and experience
the pain I experienced.
00:14:40.68\00:14:42.64
I've been sharing a
word with my son - legacy.
00:14:42.68\00:14:45.71
My older son I've really been
on him about this. What is the
00:14:46.95\00:14:51.35
legacy that you are
creating for your children?
00:14:51.39\00:14:56.16
The next generation, even
for your brothers and sisters.
00:14:56.19\00:14:59.36
And a lot of times we look
at our dads and we feel like
00:15:00.33\00:15:05.77
that's when the world started.
Our dads, We forget they had
00:15:05.80\00:15:09.24
a father too. Yeah. And they
had a grandfather and sometimes
00:15:09.27\00:15:14.04
we have good legacies that
are continued or bad legacies.
00:15:14.08\00:15:18.68
My step dad, right, similar to
Gordon, deep tissue moment here
00:15:18.71\00:15:23.89
my step dad, he, he and
I love the guy. I love him
00:15:23.92\00:15:29.69
I love him. I love both of them
00:15:29.72\00:15:32.96
But he took the time,
for him to come into my life
00:15:32.99\00:15:36.13
and take me on as his son,
it took a long time but I didn't
00:15:36.16\00:15:39.63
I didn't see that because he got
married to my mother when I was
00:15:39.67\00:15:44.87
about 11 years old so I
expect him to become this father
00:15:44.91\00:15:47.78
champion to take me up to the
playground, take me everywhere
00:15:47.81\00:15:51.25
teach me how to play bat,
all these things that I wanted
00:15:51.28\00:15:53.65
but he didn't do that. He
was actually neglecting me
00:15:53.68\00:15:58.09
and I was blamin and I was mad
and resentful, I was resentful
00:15:58.12\00:16:03.66
he used to call me when I was
in college he wanted me to fix
00:16:03.69\00:16:06.26
the computer or say something,
I hated his answers, his phone
00:16:06.29\00:16:10.57
calls but I come to find out,
his real father, we had a heart
00:16:10.60\00:16:15.54
to heart and he told me his real
father his biological father
00:16:15.57\00:16:20.24
totally neglected him and the
guy only lived maybe less than
00:16:20.28\00:16:25.55
50 miles from him and up to this
day would not pick up the phone
00:16:25.58\00:16:29.92
to call him. But now my father
and I, I mean we're like, I'm
00:16:29.95\00:16:35.79
like buddies and anytime
he calls me I can call him
00:16:35.82\00:16:40.10
and it's like a good dialogue
00:16:40.13\00:16:41.90
because we've had
that heart to heart.
00:16:41.93\00:16:44.07
We've talked about the
bad legacy and now we decided
00:16:44.10\00:16:47.14
we want to establish a
new, good, sound legacy
00:16:47.17\00:16:51.11
in Jesus Christ. Hmm.
00:16:51.14\00:16:52.97
I like that because again we
are genetically predisposed to
00:16:53.01\00:16:57.35
somethings you know but
it's up to us not to blame our
00:16:57.38\00:17:00.48
children, I mean it's not their
fault. It's not their fault
00:17:00.52\00:17:03.59
the way they are. There are
some things they're gonna do
00:17:03.62\00:17:05.55
because they have the
character like my daughter Ann
00:17:05.59\00:17:09.22
when I deal with her sometimes
it's like a reflection of myself
00:17:09.26\00:17:13.19
It's frustrating. I'm like
I wanna Ahh and then I'm like
00:17:13.23\00:17:17.33
wait a minute. What did
I do when I was a child?
00:17:17.37\00:17:19.07
Ok I did worse. Never mind,
let's talk about, it's difficult
00:17:19.10\00:17:23.30
you know but I look at it as, ok
you're genetically predisposed
00:17:23.34\00:17:28.11
you have the DNA that's just
how it is from both mom and dad
00:17:28.14\00:17:32.11
so a lot of the traits that
she has are my own. And like my
00:17:32.15\00:17:35.82
parents told me you gonna
pay for the things that you did
00:17:35.85\00:17:38.75
when you were a kid. I see it.
I'm like Lord did I, I did worse
00:17:38.79\00:17:43.12
I'm like what do I do with
this what can I do with this?
00:17:43.16\00:17:45.49
And I try to address her, you
know, in a way she'll understand
00:17:45.53\00:17:49.86
and maintain discipline but
at the same time it's difficult
00:17:49.90\00:17:53.94
because nobody
comes from a perfect home
00:17:53.97\00:17:57.77
Hmm. Nobody. And we have
to turn, it sounds cliché but
00:17:57.81\00:18:02.61
it's true we have to turn to the
Father, you know, God the Father
00:18:02.64\00:18:06.51
to understand you know that our
kids are not going to be what
00:18:06.55\00:18:12.19
we necessarily want them to be
a 100%. But they're gonna be our
00:18:12.22\00:18:16.69
kids no matter what. You know
even after death we're still
00:18:16.73\00:18:19.56
gonna be remembered as
the father of this child.
00:18:19.59\00:18:21.90
And it's just hard.
It's difficult because again
00:18:21.93\00:18:26.77
all you wanna do is, you're
just like, you're just like
00:18:26.80\00:18:29.94
as a cop out, not to deal with
the issue. But you're hurting
00:18:29.97\00:18:35.04
your child and you're just
alienating your child and I just
00:18:35.08\00:18:38.88
you know, what do you do
in situations where you know,
00:18:38.91\00:18:42.78
your temper is up because your
child is doin something that you
00:18:42.82\00:18:46.52
know they're doin, do you
ever take the time to think that
00:18:46.55\00:18:49.49
maybe you did that or
worse? What do you think?
00:18:49.52\00:18:51.99
I think you have to take time
out when your tempers are up
00:18:52.03\00:18:55.66
and you're about to really
go into your child. Uh huh
00:18:55.70\00:19:00.04
Maybe it's best at
that point when you're upset
00:19:00.07\00:19:04.04
to back out, to just pause
and say, you know what I'm gonna
00:19:04.07\00:19:10.58
deal with this when I'm calm
because if you deal with that
00:19:10.61\00:19:14.12
child when your temper,
you know when you're flaring
00:19:14.15\00:19:16.85
let me take you into a
window of my little life
00:19:16.89\00:19:20.69
ummm, growin up, that little
readin book and for some reason
00:19:22.09\00:19:28.86
I couldn't get this
word Joe and I would say
00:19:28.90\00:19:34.24
Mr. Toe builds a house instead
of Mr. Joe builds a house
00:19:34.27\00:19:38.61
and my daddy, if I'm readin,
he's there, he would just
00:19:38.64\00:19:44.91
be so mad and he'd go in and I
tell you that would just freeze
00:19:44.95\00:19:52.22
I mean lock me up and for a long
time readin became a problem
00:19:52.25\00:20:01.23
because all I would feel
is hands comin or and I think
00:20:02.73\00:20:11.34
it's the same thing when we're
upset instead of takin it out
00:20:11.37\00:20:17.78
on the child, pause,
take a moment, walk away
00:20:17.81\00:20:24.15
then come back and deal with
the issue. When you're calm,
00:20:24.19\00:20:28.52
when you're more rational,
your thoughts are clearer
00:20:28.56\00:20:31.63
then you can actually
deal with the issue. Instead of
00:20:31.66\00:20:35.06
right there in that moment
because what you do you can
00:20:35.10\00:20:37.97
can cause traumatic effect
to, to really affect the child
00:20:38.00\00:20:44.97
I'd really just pause, walk away
00:20:45.01\00:20:47.41
Man, I have made so many
mistakes by just being a father
00:20:47.44\00:20:55.28
I have made so many mistakes by
tryin to not be like my father
00:20:56.25\00:21:01.86
Oh Lord. Both of them.
And just like, similar to you
00:21:01.89\00:21:07.13
I have done that where I have
reprimanded my child or uh uh
00:21:07.16\00:21:12.37
you know he's havin a hard
time readin and because I'm bein
00:21:12.40\00:21:16.71
impatient, yes, and it's for
my glory, not for his benefit
00:21:16.74\00:21:22.71
because I want my son to excel,
I want him to be this A+ student
00:21:22.74\00:21:28.62
in school, I want him to
be the spelling bee champion
00:21:28.65\00:21:31.22
so that I can look good
and feel good about myself
00:21:31.25\00:21:34.96
I'm bein impatient with him and
so when he's readin and I'm like
00:21:34.99\00:21:40.30
how many times are we
gonna go over this word?
00:21:40.33\00:21:42.40
you just said this word.
But I'm forgettin he was a child
00:21:42.43\00:21:46.43
and I sometimes, you know
the funny thing that God does
00:21:46.47\00:21:49.44
with us, we have flashbacks
sometimes of our childhood
00:21:49.47\00:21:52.87
My word was "the" I couldn't
get that word "the". Two words
00:21:52.91\00:21:59.11
the and the number 3. I'm
West Indian so sometimes I have
00:21:59.15\00:22:03.79
difficulty in sayin the number
3 I say tree. Hmm. And even now
00:22:03.82\00:22:09.82
while I'm tryin to say it I have
to think about making sure I'm
00:22:09.86\00:22:12.53
I'm sayin it right. And so my
mom was like you know having a
00:22:12.56\00:22:16.40
difficulty with me but now
my son was having difficulties
00:22:16.43\00:22:19.77
and instead of me bein patient
and rememberin how hard it was
00:22:19.80\00:22:24.64
when I was tryin to read now
I want my son to just overnight
00:22:24.67\00:22:29.41
get it. So that you can make
me proud and I can walk around
00:22:29.44\00:22:33.78
with my chest high. But God
wants us to be patient, He's
00:22:33.82\00:22:36.95
patient with us. Yeah. But
we don't want to be patient
00:22:36.99\00:22:39.89
with our kids.
00:22:39.92\00:22:41.52
Yeah. One Sabbath morning,
well after church, sorry Sabbath
00:22:41.56\00:22:45.69
afternoon my son did
something he was very young
00:22:45.73\00:22:52.40
and I got real upset,
that flashback that was my dad
00:22:52.43\00:22:57.47
kind of flashback. And I
you know, Lord forgive me but I
00:22:57.51\00:23:04.18
used the rod and I
spanked him so much
00:23:04.21\00:23:11.49
that he actually
cut his feet. Mercy!
00:23:11.52\00:23:16.09
On the side of the bed.
I'm not proud of it. Mercy!
00:23:16.12\00:23:18.99
And he was bleedin.
Mercy. And I didn't stop
00:23:20.00\00:23:26.00
To think of how much it affected
him. And I prayed he doesn't
00:23:27.80\00:23:33.17
remember the stuff, you know.
My wife had to come and say
00:23:33.21\00:23:37.28
that's enough. He was
a child. And I stopped.
00:23:37.31\00:23:43.08
Never ever when you're
angry or upset spank your child
00:23:43.82\00:23:49.62
Walk away and then when
you're clear you can come back
00:23:49.66\00:23:54.73
and deal with the issues. Yeah.
00:23:54.76\00:23:56.93
It's a lot. I mean you do that
you get angry, you wanna as men
00:23:58.17\00:24:03.10
we wanna react, we wanna stop,
we wanna discipline the child
00:24:03.14\00:24:07.91
make sure they stop but
like you said, never, never ever
00:24:07.94\00:24:11.75
hit your child when you're angry
you know and do anything like
00:24:11.78\00:24:14.98
that. Don't discipline,
just walk away, take a breather
00:24:15.02\00:24:18.32
come back when you
have your head right.
00:24:18.35\00:24:21.26
And then you'll see you
know, cause other times when you
00:24:21.29\00:24:24.26
spank your child or discipline
you know, you regret it later
00:24:24.29\00:24:28.83
you know it hurts. Because you
are like you know, I probably
00:24:28.86\00:24:31.77
should've done that differently
but again we're mimicking what
00:24:31.80\00:24:36.30
we grew up with. It goes back to
the whole genetic predisposition
00:24:36.34\00:24:39.84
and we were doin
what we were taught to do.
00:24:39.87\00:24:41.74
So I don't know. Anybody
out there have you gone through
00:24:42.34\00:24:45.75
anything like that? Ha ha
ha I'm sorry I'm not laughin
00:24:45.78\00:24:49.82
at you, I'm laughin because you
know this is right on. You know
00:24:49.85\00:24:54.32
And I'm not tryin to be
philosophical or psychological
00:24:54.36\00:24:59.96
But I wonder sometimes the
reason why we're so hard on
00:25:00.00\00:25:04.37
our children is because of
some insecurity that we have
00:25:04.40\00:25:08.84
of ourself. Hmm. We're trying
to make them and mold them to be
00:25:08.87\00:25:14.01
perfect because, you ever hear
of you know like the dads who
00:25:14.04\00:25:19.71
take their children to the
playground, first they're just
00:25:19.75\00:25:22.95
having fun but after a while
they're gettin them into high
00:25:22.98\00:25:25.75
school volley ball or football
team and they're tryin to
00:25:25.79\00:25:28.76
relive their dreams
through their child.
00:25:28.79\00:25:32.93
And they push them harder than
their coach or their trainer
00:25:32.96\00:25:36.40
why you, why did you drop the
ball? I remember watching the
00:25:36.43\00:25:39.60
show a long time ago and
the guy had a fumble in the game
00:25:39.63\00:25:43.51
and everybody forgave the
guy I mean the team they got the
00:25:43.54\00:25:48.34
ball back but the father was
so hard on the son for fumblin
00:25:48.38\00:25:52.88
the ball. Later on in the story
to find out the father failed
00:25:52.91\00:25:57.22
he got kicked off the team
because of his drinking habits
00:25:57.25\00:26:00.96
and he was like tryin to relive
his complete, his, his past
00:26:00.99\00:26:07.16
through his child. And so a lot
of times I feel that that's why
00:26:07.20\00:26:11.30
we are so hard on our child
because we're insecure of our
00:26:11.33\00:26:15.10
failures so we try to
make our children perfect
00:26:15.14\00:26:18.57
But I thank God
that's not how God treats us.
00:26:18.61\00:26:22.01
I thank God He
don't treat us that way.
00:26:22.04\00:26:24.41
I don't think that the
only thing is insecurity though
00:26:24.45\00:26:26.78
I think it's because sometimes
what we have actually learned
00:26:26.82\00:26:34.72
from our parents, from
our fathers that we project
00:26:34.76\00:26:39.39
that on our children and some
men are sure about themselves
00:26:39.43\00:26:44.67
but we don't know how to do
anything else, you know, we just
00:26:44.70\00:26:48.54
don't know how to. I'm not
proud of some of the things
00:26:48.57\00:26:51.61
that I've done to my children
especially my son, because
00:26:51.64\00:26:56.98
he was the firstborn and I
wanted to sure that he was solid
00:26:57.01\00:27:02.35
you know, so I poured everything
negative and positive into him
00:27:02.38\00:27:06.79
If I can take some of
the stuff back, I would
00:27:06.82\00:27:09.52
I think for our viewers at
home being a father is not easy
00:27:10.63\00:27:15.23
it never was meant to be easy
00:27:15.26\00:27:17.83
but it's not impossible.
We have a Father in heaven
00:27:17.87\00:27:21.64
who deals with us on a constant
basis when we're disobedient
00:27:21.67\00:27:26.27
we're
rebellious, we're messin up.
00:27:26.31\00:27:29.24
He never deals with
us in anger, if He did
00:27:29.28\00:27:31.95
you know we'd
need more protection.
00:27:31.98\00:27:34.48
But we have a Father
in heaven who loves us
00:27:34.52\00:27:37.65
And even though we're not
perfect, He is and He's willing
00:27:37.69\00:27:41.46
to help to be the
best fathers we can be.
00:27:41.49\00:27:45.29
So please take some time, take
some time with your children
00:27:45.33\00:27:49.03
and love them the
way God loves you.
00:27:49.06\00:27:52.60
Thank you.
00:27:52.63\00:27:54.17