Participants:
Series Code: 15GYC
Program Code: 15GYC000003A
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00:34 All right, welcome everyone to the noon plenary.
00:38 We would encourage everyone to take your seats 00:41 as quickly and quietly as possible. 00:45 We have an amazing treat before us. 00:49 I'm so excited about the person 00:51 that's gonna be sharing their testimony with you 00:56 in just a few movements. 00:58 Maria Kennedy is someone I have known 01:01 since I was probably 13 years older or so. 01:05 But we haven't had a lot of opportunity 01:07 to spend a lot of time together. 01:09 We would see each other about once a year 01:11 and we promise to be pen-pals. 01:14 And unfortunately, 01:16 she'd always dutifully write me these wonderful letters 01:19 and I was the world's worst pen-pal 01:21 and I would never write her back. 01:23 And then the next time I would see her, 01:24 I saw her every June, I'd be like, 01:25 "Maria I'm so sorry, this year I'll write you..." 01:29 and I always wanted to get to know her, 01:30 but I was so bad at writing letters 01:32 I never like... 01:34 reciprocated. 01:35 She never lost her sweet spirit. 01:38 But one thing that was a totally, 01:40 what has blown my mind over the years 01:42 as I have watched Maria, 01:44 from the time that we were both, 01:46 around 13 or so, 01:48 until now is that when we knew each other back 01:52 then both us were, I was a very shy person. 01:57 But I thought she was the most soft spoken 02:00 and mild person I had ever met in all my life. 02:03 And yet, God has taken her 02:07 through the most incredible experiences 02:11 and through the most remarkable challenges 02:14 that even I... 02:15 that I have always thought how did she... 02:17 how did she do this? 02:19 How did she manage it? 02:20 How is this happened? 02:22 God can take anyone anywhere, 02:25 and Maria's life is an amazing evidence 02:28 of that same thing, 02:30 I'm very excited to hear her. 02:31 So let's prepare our hearts to hear what she has to say. 02:35 I'm gonna say a prayer 02:36 and then the girl's are gonna bless us with some music, 02:38 and then the next voice you will hear 02:40 will be that of Maria Kennedy. 02:41 Let's pray. 02:43 Father, we thank you for this morning, 02:45 we thank you, for the blessings, 02:47 we thank you for the seminars 02:48 and the things that we have learned. 02:50 Lord, we pray that as Maria comes out 02:53 that you would just put your spirit upon her 02:55 in abounded measure, 02:56 that she will be filled with your grace, 02:58 that she would be enable to speak clearly 03:00 and powerfully your word 03:02 that as we hear her testimony, 03:04 we would be tremendously moved and blessed. 03:08 We know that you can do anything 03:10 so long as clay is pliable in your hands, 03:13 as you, oh, Lord, our father, 03:16 we are the clay and you are our potter, 03:19 and we are the works of your hands. 03:22 We love you. 03:24 In Jesus' name, Amen. 03:42 In the morning sunrise I behold Your glory 03:50 All creation sings Your majesty and praise 03:57 I come before You, resting in Your presence 04:03 My Maker and Redeemer 04:07 You're the Keeper of my days 04:10 And You are faithful to supply my need 04:17 You are faithful to give me joy abundantly 04:24 You are faithful to calm the storms of life for me 04:31 You are faithful, You're all I need 04:51 In the darkness of the night my heart is peaceful 04:58 As I rest beneath the Shadow of Your Wings 05:05 For You alone can fill my deepest longings 05:12 You're the Alpha and Omega, my Jehovah and my King 05:18 And You are faithful to supply my need 05:25 You are faithful to give me joy abundantly 05:32 You are faithful to calm the storms of life for me 05:39 You are faithful, You're all I need 05:46 And You are faithful to supply my need 05:53 You are faithful to give me joy abundantly 05:59 You are faithful to calm the storms of life for me 06:06 You are faithful 06:08 You're all I need 06:15 You are faithful 06:18 You're all I need. 06:32 Good morning. 06:38 Will you please, pray with me? 06:42 Dear Father, thank you that we are here today. 06:45 And Lord, I need you. 06:48 I pray that I would speak the words 06:50 that you want me to speak 06:51 and that would about you and not about me. 06:54 Thank you. Amen. 07:03 Christmas time, eight years ago, 07:06 I was in Minneapolis, attending my first GYC. 07:10 But I was not excited to be there, 07:13 I gone along, I was 16 at that time 07:16 and I was at a very dark time in my life. 07:19 And I was really struggling with a lot of doubts 07:23 and I wasn't even sure I believed in God. 07:28 And honestly, I'd pretty much gone a long 07:32 because my friends were going 07:34 and they invited me to go with them 07:36 and I didn't want to miss out on the trip. 07:41 So I arrived and I looked around me 07:43 and absolutely everyone appeared to be 07:46 all glowing and enthusiastic, 07:48 and just like most of you are here today. 07:52 And I honestly looked at them, and I just thought to myself 07:58 that they must be a complete bunch of hypocrites. 08:01 And I attended David Gate's seminar 08:06 simply because it was somewhat interesting to me, 08:08 and I thought I would probably be the least convicting one. 08:16 Anyways, every altar call, 08:18 I just clenched my fists a little tighter 08:20 and I stayed in my seat. 08:25 I really wish I could tell you that I left that GYC 08:27 with a new commitment to Christ 08:30 and a new lease on life 08:32 but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. 08:37 God did that work in my life later on. 08:42 I have been blessed with the opportunity 08:45 to return to GYC every year since then. 08:49 But the couple years that I have been back 08:52 every time my mind automatically goes back 08:55 to that dark place I was sat at that GYC in Minneapolis. 09:00 And it's always an amazing experience, 09:03 because it absolutely highlights for me the work 09:06 that God's done in my heart in life since then. 09:10 But I'd like to go back a little further than that GYC 09:13 and share a little bit more of my story with you. 09:19 I was born as a second of four kids. 09:22 My mom was a very conservative Adventist 09:25 and my father I believe was pretty much an Atheist. 09:30 But he wasn't in our lives very long 09:32 as he left when I was five years old. 09:36 A couple years after that 09:38 my mom got remarried to a wonderful man 09:41 who soon won my heart too, and I very soon forgot 09:46 that he was not my biological father. 09:50 But after what was a couple of the best years of my life 09:53 he died after a long and painful battle 09:56 with brain cancer. 10:00 And I'm just going to skip ahead here to when I was 13. 10:05 I remember lying in bed late 10:07 after the lights were turned out 10:11 and just quietly crying and mouthing the words, 10:15 "I hate you God." 10:18 And I know the strength of those words 10:20 is probably a little shocking to most of you, 10:22 but I was at a place in my life where I didn't understand 10:29 why God had allowed the things that happen in my life, 10:31 and I was really struggling. 10:35 You see, after my father had left 10:39 we were incredibly poor 10:41 and my mom often struggle 10:43 just to keep food in the kitchen cabinets. 10:46 And we had seen God work in our lives 10:48 time and time again. 10:52 It was just like all of those miracle stories 10:54 that you've probably often heard, 10:58 we'd wake up in the morning and there was no food 11:01 in the kitchen cabinets for breakfast, 11:04 and I remember friends driving up, 11:06 we lived way out in the country, 11:08 it wasn't just a quick trip for them to make. 11:11 And friends drove up in time for breakfast and said that, 11:13 God had told them to bring us food 11:15 and they left us with a dozen bags of groceries, 11:20 and soap, and toothpaste, and everything we didn't have. 11:25 And it was just like that often people would walk up 11:30 and put money in our hands 11:31 and say that God had told them to give it to us. 11:34 And we already received an anonymous check in the mail 11:39 at just the right time. 11:42 So and many times my mom spent hours recounting to us 11:47 the amazing things God had done in our lives through the years. 11:52 So you can see that was absolutely ingrained in me 11:54 that, God works miracles for us 11:56 and that he always comes through. 12:00 But he hadn't healed my father, and I couldn't understand that. 12:05 What kind of God was that anyways? 12:08 A God that blesses and heals people 12:11 when he wants to but just leaves a young father to die 12:13 when his kids need him. 12:15 So you could, so here I was at 13, 12:20 determining to hate the God 12:22 that allowed so much pain and suffering 12:24 that he alone had the power to prevent. 12:31 It didn't take me long after that 12:32 to declare to myself 12:34 that may be I just didn't believe in God. 12:39 I toyed a lot with the idea of atheism 12:42 through the next few years. 12:44 But honestly, I was a little wishy-washy with it. 12:50 I've seen so much that it was hard for me 12:52 to absolutely say that God didn't exist. 12:55 But neither could I make heads or tails 12:56 out of all the things that happened in my life 13:00 and all my doubts and anger at God, 13:04 and honestly, it was just easier to just tell myself 13:06 that I didn't believe in him and try to ignore it all. 13:12 I'm sure you're probably wondering 13:14 where my family was in all of this at this point. 13:18 By that point my mom had remarried once again 13:21 to another wonderful man, 13:26 and I was honestly a quite private 13:30 and very shy person, 13:31 and I pretty much completely shut them 13:34 out of what was going on in my heart. 13:36 I honestly don't think they really had much of a clue 13:39 that I was struggling. 13:42 And it was also really important to me 13:44 to not be a bad example to my younger siblings, 13:47 and I didn't want to bring pain to my parents. 13:51 So I didn't see any reason to spout my beliefs, 13:57 or may be I should say lack of belief. 14:02 So I live the quiet life of rebel, 14:04 while on the outside I followed all the rules 14:07 and I were skirts to my ankles. 14:13 Through this time I struggled a lot with social anxiety 14:17 and even attending church was really a struggle for me. 14:21 We attended a very conservative Adventist Church 14:25 that also a wonderful church. 14:28 But anyways, everyone appeared to be, 14:30 to me to be living perfect in Victoria's Christian lives. 14:34 And honestly, I just looked at all of them 14:36 and I thought that if they knew who I actually was 14:42 and what I was struggling with 14:44 that they would never be able to accept me. 14:48 When I attended that GYC in Minneapolis, 14:52 I was really pretty much at the end of my rope, 14:56 at that point I was feeling really hopeless 14:59 and miserable and somewhat suicidal. 15:03 Nothing changed immediately after that GYC, 15:07 but a few months after that I began to realize 15:11 how low a place I was at, and I really begin to realize 15:16 that I couldn't live like that any longer. 15:20 I read such a low and hopeless feeling point 15:23 that I strongly considered ending my own life. 15:28 And I think that was in many ways 15:30 what truly brought me to that bottom-of-the-pit type place. 15:35 It wasn't like I just all of a sudden 15:38 knew that God existed, 15:39 but, what happened was now I truly realize 15:41 that in the Godless life I created for myself, 15:45 there was no joy, and no peace. 15:49 When I think of that time in my life, 15:51 there where the always, truly comes to my mind is dark. 15:55 It was truly just a dark and miserable and hopeless. 16:02 Honestly, when it came down to it, 16:03 I knew that without God in my life 16:05 there was nothing in life for me. 16:09 And one day, I came to the point 16:11 where I just said, I can't live life like this, 16:14 I'm ready to give the God thing another chance. 16:20 Recently, I was reading the Great Controversy 16:23 and I came across this quote 16:25 that I thought really spoke to all the doubts 16:28 and questions that I struggled with at this point, 16:32 I'd like to read that for you. 16:35 "While God has given ample evidence for faith, 16:37 He will never remove all excuse for unbelief. 16:40 All who look for hooks 16:41 to hang their doubts upon will find them. 16:43 And those who refuse to accept and obey God's word 16:45 until every objection has been removed, 16:47 and there is no longer an opportunity for doubt, 16:49 will never come to the light." 16:52 And that's really what I did, I look for hooks, 16:55 staying my doubts upon, and I found them. 16:59 And my guess is that there's at least 17:00 probably a few young people here today 17:02 who are in a similar situation that I was. 17:07 And I just really like to encourage you 17:11 to not wait for every doubt 17:12 you struggle with to be removed. 17:15 And to not entertain the thought 17:17 that you can just go your own way 17:20 and live your own life 17:21 until God makes himself known to you 17:24 in some miraculous way and... 17:30 and all your questions are answered. 17:32 That's a complete trap 17:34 that the devil has or was waiting for you. 17:39 Just a couple months after my dubious decision 17:42 to allow God back into my life, 17:49 my family decided that they wanted us 17:52 to have a mission experience together 17:54 before my older sister and I left home. 17:58 And, the big thing about me at that point 18:02 was that I had big goals and dreams, 18:08 and that I wanted to complete, and at that point 18:11 I was very interested in aviation 18:14 and also medical work. 18:16 And so I was finally 17 18:18 and so I could get my pilot's license, 18:20 and I wanted to I had everything mapped out 18:24 for that year. 18:26 I was planning on getting, going to get my pilot's license 18:29 and getting EMS training, 18:30 and my goal was eventually to work in Alaska 18:35 as a bush pilot. 18:36 But anyways, so I had everything mapped out 18:38 for that year and then my family says that, 18:43 we're leaving for Thailand for a mission trip. 18:48 And, so you can imagine that just to say, 18:51 "I was not happy about that" really be an understatement. 18:57 So through the next couple months 18:59 as we prepared to leave I truly I fussed and wind about it 19:02 but it was really to no avail, 19:04 and a few months later found us boarding a plane for Thailand. 19:09 But the catch to it that made it 19:11 more than just a little three week mission trip 19:16 was that we have arrived with one way tickets. 19:19 So we arrived there in Thailand 19:21 and I obviously had quite a bad attitude about it, 19:25 and I wasn't sure, 19:28 I didn't know how long I would be there for. 19:33 A couple weeks after that 19:35 we were invited to visit a small bamboo school 19:38 near the border of Thailand. 19:42 And it was a little bit of an atypical situation 19:46 with this little bamboo school. 19:47 First off there was no way to legally get there, 19:52 so we had to sneak across the river 19:55 either at dusk or dawn, 19:56 and also it was in a war zone. 19:59 And there were there is no current fighting 20:02 right in the area that we were 20:05 but there was fighting in the surrounding areas 20:09 and there was, we were always under threat of attack. 20:12 So we arrived at this little bamboo school 20:15 and kids came up, ran up and grabbed our hands 20:18 and lead us to our first bamboo hut. 20:22 And. 20:26 I know it's really the most cliche thing 20:28 ever to say about a mission trip, 20:30 but those little kids really grabbed my heart. 20:42 When you see those kids wearing rags 20:44 and they have used huge happy smiles on their faces 20:47 and they have no reason to be happy like that, 20:51 but when you see that, 20:54 all of a sudden nothing in life 20:55 that really felt like it truly mattered to you before, 20:58 feels like it matters to us much anymore. 21:02 Three days later, 21:04 might we were leaving getting ready to leave 21:06 and they asked me if I'd be willing to stay and teach? 21:10 And I said, "Yes." 21:13 Now, I had always been very stubborn and opinionated 21:18 and the one thing I always said 21:20 was that I would never ever teach. 21:25 But ironically, here I was 21:27 and I found myself sitting in a small, 21:29 one room bamboo school room 21:31 would 40 squirmy kindergarteners every day, 21:34 and I do come up with about six hours of stuff 21:36 to teach them every day. 21:38 And so it really challenge me ridiculously, 21:40 it wasn't something that came naturally for me, 21:42 but I also found myself really finding a lot of joy in it. 21:53 We were always under the threat of attack there, 21:55 as I mentioned before. 21:57 And I remember New Year's Day in 2008, 22:03 which I guess would be about eight years ago today. 22:05 And I remember laying there on my bamboo mat late at night, 22:10 and I began to hear 22:12 what sounded like a lot of gunfire. 22:15 And so, I was laying there, 22:18 and the thing was we had been told 22:20 that after New Year's Day, 22:24 they were planning an attack, 22:25 there would likely be attack shortly after New Year's Day. 22:28 So obviously, what was going through my mind 22:30 was that we were under attack 22:33 but, I didn't really know 22:35 and there's nothing I could do about it at the time. 22:38 Even if we were, there were soldiers in the area 22:40 that I knew would alert us if we did have to evacuate. 22:42 So the only thing I could do there was lay there 22:45 and pray to God for safety and try to get some sleep. 22:49 But I woke the next morning, and anyways, 22:54 I learned that the soldiers 22:56 had been having a little New Year celebration 22:59 and it was actually fireworks that, 23:01 it never even crossed my mind that they had fireworks. 23:04 But anyway, so it was moments like that 23:07 when I really felt that eminent danger, 23:13 and also moments when there was actually 23:15 real danger. 23:16 But anyways, I begin to truly feel my need of God. 23:21 Morning and night I sat cross legged 23:24 in this bamboo hut. 23:25 We didn't have electricity so there's, 23:27 so I look at these kids through the candle light. 23:31 And I would just watch them, 23:37 I just watch these kids 23:38 that had stories way worst than my own. 23:41 Many of them had watched their own parents 23:43 be tortured and killed, and they had known pain, 23:46 and sickness, and death, 23:48 and running for all of their young lives. 23:51 And these same kids sat and worship God. 23:56 Always have image stuck in my mind 23:58 of those little ones just throwing their heads back 23:59 and closing their eyes and just seeing their little hearts out. 24:04 And the need I saw around me 24:05 really took my eyes off my own misery. 24:09 Now, up to this point 24:11 I've been living a very mediocre Christian life, 24:15 after my... 24:17 after I told God 24:18 that I would give the God thing another chance, 24:20 honestly, I didn't change much in my life at all. 24:24 I was just, I guess I was just kind of waiting 24:28 for something to happen I'm not even sure. 24:34 All that really changed was that I no longer denied God. 24:38 But, so here I was and I began to truly feel my need of God, 24:42 partially out of fear 24:43 which I realize was not the best motivation. 24:47 But I began to actually get up 24:49 before the 5:30 worship bell in the morning 24:52 and actually read my Bible and pray. 24:56 And God was becoming much more real to me. 25:02 The other thing that happened through that time 25:04 at that little Bamboo school 25:06 was that it really reinforced my interest in medical work. 25:12 So at that point I was really interested 25:14 in shortest medical training I could get 25:17 to be able to return and work there. 25:20 So I returned for EMT training in the States. 25:23 And at first, 25:25 I was really focused on my reason for being there 25:27 and I was doing well. 25:30 But it didn't take very long for my old doubts 25:34 to start creeping back in 25:36 and I very soon started sliding back down 25:38 the slippery slope of rebellion and unbelief. 25:43 I had completely thrown myself into the EMS, 25:45 the whole EMS work scene, 25:48 which tends to be a very secular work environment. 25:51 And at least for me, it wasn't conducive at all 25:53 to a growing relationship with Christ. 25:57 And also through that time 25:59 I had quite a few horrific scenes 26:03 that I worked on, 26:05 and involving death and other things. 26:07 And so it really brought to the forefront of my mind 26:12 all my questions and towards God 26:16 about why he allowed all of this. 26:20 But the difference... 26:24 this time I was back for about ten months, 26:27 and towards the end of that time 26:28 I was really in a dark place again. 26:31 But the difference was that this time 26:33 I had this really fresh memory in my mind 26:37 of the incredible change 26:38 that God had made in my life a few months before. 26:42 And so I realized more than ever 26:46 that there was nothing in life for me without God. 26:51 In Psalms 143:3-8... 27:03 I read this the other day, and it completely, 27:06 I felt like it spoke to where I was at that point 27:09 better than I could today, 27:11 "For the enemy as persecuted my soul, 27:13 his crush my life to the ground, 27:15 he has made me do all in darkness 27:17 like those who have long been dead. 27:19 Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me, 27:21 my heart within me is distressed. 27:23 I remember the days of old, I meditate on all your works, 27:26 I muse on the work of your hands. 27:29 I spread out my hands to you, 27:30 my soul longs for you like a thirsty land. 27:35 Answer me speedily, 27:37 Oh Lord: my spirit fails do not hide your face from me, 27:39 lest I be like those who go down into the pit. 27:42 Cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning, 27:44 for in you do I trust: 27:46 cause me to know the way in which I should walk, 27:48 for I lift up my soul to you." 27:55 Anyways, I... 27:57 at that point I recommitted my life to God. 28:01 But by this point EMS 28:03 had become a huge passion in my life 28:05 and I was really hooked on it. 28:08 I reached the end of my training 28:09 and at this point all I wanted to do 28:12 was go continue my education. 28:15 I wanted to go on to paramedic 28:16 and possibly the flight nurse and... 28:22 But I had promised when I left Thailand 28:25 10 months before that I would return. 28:29 And at that point my mom actually called me 28:33 and reminded me of the commitment 28:36 that I had made, 28:37 and I was quite unhappy to listen to her, but I did. 28:43 So I return to Thailand 28:46 as an unwilling missionary again. 28:51 By this point the Bamboo school, 28:52 where we had lived had been, 28:55 where I had lived had been attacked and evacuated 28:58 and moved to nearby. 29:01 And my family was now living there 29:03 and very involved with the work there. 29:06 In my absence, a friend who was a nurse had arrived 29:09 and had started a clinic on our front porch 29:14 and every morning the patients would pack that little clinic. 29:18 And it wasn't very long before I found myself in the positions 29:22 where I had used a little training I had. 29:25 And it wasn't too long 29:27 before I really began to love the work there. 29:30 But I became more and more aware 29:32 that there was areas nearby 29:35 where they had no medical care whatsoever. 29:38 And I really, the desire really grew in me to move somewhere 29:45 where I could work in one of those areas. 29:54 So, it wasn't very long before I moved out 29:56 to a very remote mountain village. 30:03 And through that time I really grew a lot. 30:06 I would encounter all these medical situations 30:09 I did not know how to deal with. 30:11 And so I would have to walk up to where we had phone reception 30:13 and call my friend who was a nurse and just say, 30:16 "What do I do?" 30:17 And she was amazing with it 30:19 and she would always give me good advice 30:22 and was always very patient. 30:24 Sometimes, I look back to that time and I... 30:28 I just, I can't believe 30:29 that I don't know what I was thinking. 30:31 I was only 18 and but I'm really thankful 30:36 for the experiences that I had at that point 30:39 and the way that grew me. 30:44 But everything I was experiencing 30:46 and all the medical work I was attempting to do 30:48 to bring me back to desperately wanting 30:51 to go further my education. 30:53 By this point, I really had a love for this land 30:55 and this people, 30:57 And I promised myself that I would come back 31:00 but I still really wanted to go complete my goals 31:02 in plans first. 31:05 But the one thing holding me back was money. 31:09 And the one thing that I've really learned over the years 31:12 is that God's leading is always particularly direct 31:14 when you don't have a penny to your name. 31:18 I didn't have enough even for a ticket back to the States 31:22 and God wasn't providing it 31:24 and I was completely stuck where I was. 31:26 I practically felt like a captive missionary 31:28 and I didn't think it was very fair. 31:33 The thing was that 31:34 it wasn't just a desire to go do something. 31:40 There was there was nothing wrong with me 31:42 wanting to go further my education, 31:44 it was that it was practically a God in my life. 31:47 I couldn't see myself even being happy 31:49 if God didn't allow me to go complete my plans and dreams. 31:54 A few months later, as I was still struggling through this 31:58 I attended a Bible and medical missionary training 32:02 that was held by a current pastor 32:04 up north in Thailand. 32:06 And as I sat there every day 32:08 listening to God's word being read 32:10 and the Bible being studied, 32:14 God began to bring all the stuff up 32:15 in my heart and life. 32:18 And I started realizing 32:19 that there was a lot of stuff in my life 32:21 that I had not surrendered to God. 32:26 And I really felt that God tell me that now is the time. 32:31 Either I could choose to walk with him completely 32:33 or I could walk away and go do my own thing. 32:36 But at this point I knew that I couldn't do that. 32:47 So as I came to this point in my life 32:49 where I knew I had to decide, 32:50 I knew what my decision would be. 32:53 But I also knew that, I knew there was no way 32:55 I could walk away from God 32:57 and I knew where that would take me. 32:59 But honestly, I wanted to put off my decision 33:02 and do the halfway thing 33:04 until I completed all that I wanted to do. 33:09 But God was telling me that 33:10 now is the time to choose Him completely, 33:13 and I was honestly really mad about it. 33:16 There was this loop of road 33:19 that went through the rice fields. 33:22 And every day on our breaks 33:24 as I was struggling through this 33:25 I would take off and I would power walk around this loop, 33:30 and I would be so frustrated with God 33:32 and I would just spout on it, 33:33 at him the whole way around, 33:35 about how this was so unfair. 33:37 And then as it went around it again and again, 33:39 he'd be speaking to my heart 33:40 and my heart was softened a little bit more. 33:45 And it was probably about three days 33:48 that I was struggling through this 33:50 and I was at point I was completely miserable 33:53 and I was tired of fighting God with it. 33:55 And I hadn't had a moment of peace 33:57 since he brought this up in my heart. 33:59 So finally, I told him that he could have all of me 34:03 and that included my hopes, and my plans, and my dreams. 34:09 Honestly, I really think that 34:11 I thought my life was completely over, 34:14 but the piece I felt was incredible 34:16 and very worth it. 34:19 A couple months after that, I was back down on the border 34:23 and I was doing medical work again. 34:25 But for the first time my heart was completely there. 34:30 I had really accepted 34:31 that until God move me this was his plan for my life 34:36 and where he wanted me. 34:38 One evening a friend walked into the house 34:41 and asked me if we would be willing to take a baby. 34:45 And so, of course, I immediately wanted to know 34:49 what the situation was, 34:51 why the parents couldn't care for it? 34:54 And he said that they didn't have milk. 34:58 So obviously, the solution to me 35:00 seemed to be that it be much better 35:01 to keep the baby with the parents 35:03 if at all possible, 35:05 and simply help provide milk 35:07 if that was really what they needed. 35:09 So I grabbed a box of formula 35:11 and I headed off with a few villagers 35:15 to check the situation out. 35:18 And along the way 35:19 they all of a sudden informed me 35:20 that it wasn't just one baby but twins. 35:25 We arrived and I don't even know 35:28 how to describe the shock of seeing those little ones. 35:32 They had been born two months premature, 35:35 but at this point they were already at least one month old. 35:40 It was just like looking at those pictures 35:43 you see of starving kids in Africa. 35:47 Each one of, each of them was just a couple pounds 35:49 and I could pretty much completely cover them 35:50 with my hand. 35:52 Their bones poking out 35:53 all over their body and dirt all over them, 35:55 and their skin was just in horrible condition, 35:57 it was just, it was horrific. 36:01 And that I realize that they were about to die 36:04 and obviously, you know, 36:06 we had to at least get them to hospital, 36:08 but the parents very candidly told me that, 36:12 they didn't want them 36:14 and that they were giving them to me. 36:16 Now, it's easy for us to just wonder 36:19 how parents could possibly be so heartless. 36:23 But you need to understand the poverty 36:26 and the superstition and the ignorance 36:29 that they live with. 36:31 And in the current culture they have a belief 36:35 that if you have twins, one of them will die. 36:37 So honestly, I believe they were just waiting 36:39 for the inevitable to happen. 36:44 So we got to the hospital and the doctor asked me 36:47 what the mother's name was? 36:50 And in the shock of the moment 36:54 there I hadn't even thought to ask, 36:56 so I had no idea. 36:58 But the doctor said that 36:59 they had to have a mother's name on record, 37:00 so they were like, "Can we put yours down?" 37:03 And I don't know what else to say, so I said, "Yes." 37:10 In the Thai hospital system they have, 37:14 the nurses don't really do 37:15 what nurses do here in the States, 37:17 they pretty much just hand out pills 37:18 and give, I mean IV meds. 37:22 And so in order to have somebody stay in the hospital 37:26 you have to bring a caretaker for them. 37:29 So I stayed on a little cot 37:31 between their incubators for about that week. 37:36 And it was a couple days later that it really hit me 37:39 that I had two tiny and very sick little boys 37:44 that the hospital staffs were calling my sons. 37:47 And there was no way 37:48 that I could just abandon these little ones too. 37:52 Both of them were wearing these ID bracelets 37:55 that just said Maria's baby number one, 37:58 and Maria's baby number two. 38:00 And anyways, we joked around for a couple, 38:04 for a bit just naming going with the biblical hus and bus 38:07 for names but I named them Jabez and Isaac. 38:12 Jabez had a pressure sore on his back 38:14 that was about an inch in diameter 38:16 and almost went into the backbone. 38:18 And so, initially we had thought 38:20 he was in the worst condition and we weren't sure you know, 38:24 what the chances of him making it were. 38:27 But it wasn't very long till Isaac instead 38:30 who we thought was the healthiest one 38:33 got sepsis and pneumonia and started going downhill 38:38 and had to be transferred to a larger pick you 38:41 at another hospital. 38:47 And the doctors there told me that 38:48 if he made it through the day 38:50 that he would possibly have a chance. 38:54 By these points I had completely fallen in love 38:57 with both of those little boys. 38:59 And so, I paced back and forth 39:01 beside his incubator all day long 39:04 and just pleaded in pleaded with God for his little life. 39:11 And even when they were doing repeated rounds of CPR, 39:15 I still just couldn't, I couldn't give up. 39:17 I kept telling God that I knew he could still work a miracle. 39:22 And finally, they shoved a piece of paper in my face 39:25 and said, "We need you to sign for your son's body." 39:28 And at that point I just feel completely broken. 39:32 I've given my heart away to both of these little boys, 39:35 and I completely believe that God would work 39:37 and make a miracle out of both of their little lives. 39:40 And I could not understand any of it. 39:45 I went outside and it was dark 39:47 and I must have paced out there in the dark for another hour. 39:51 And the only thing I knew right then 39:53 was that there was another baby alone in a ward 39:56 on the other end of the hospital. 39:59 Honestly, right then what I really wanted to do 40:02 was run away and try to forget 40:04 about caring for anybody and anything. 40:09 But I knew that that little baby 40:11 didn't have anybody else 40:13 and I knew that no matter what I felt 40:15 I couldn't do that. 40:17 It was a really difficult few weeks. 40:20 Jabez was hanging in there 40:22 but the doctors didn't want to give me any hope for him 40:27 or at least not very much hope, 40:28 and the medical care was often extremely poor. 40:34 Honestly, through that time 40:35 I didn't talk to God for a week after Isaac died 40:38 and I didn't open my Bible. 40:41 Even though I given my life to God 40:44 and committed to working for him, 40:45 I never really dealt with all my questions and bitterness. 40:50 I pretty much just pushed it under a rug. 40:54 Isaac's death drudge back up those feelings for me 40:57 and I really felt like 41:00 God had completely blown and broken my trust again. 41:05 And here, I reached the point where God told me 41:08 that I needed to make my decision. 41:10 I could hang on to my bitterness in questions 41:13 or I could accept that the answers to my questions 41:15 lay only in the heart of God 41:17 and I could choose to trust him with that. 41:20 I had a choice to make, 41:22 I could go back to where I came from 41:24 or I could choose to trust God 41:26 even though I couldn't understand it. 41:30 And I told God that I would trust him 41:32 no matter what he allowed in my life. 41:36 And this is, I don't have time to share more in detail today 41:40 but this is a lesson that God has had to bring me back 41:42 through several more times. 41:44 And each time Satan has been right there 41:47 to whisper those doubts and questions in my ear again, 41:49 and place that bitterness right back in my heart. 41:52 And each time I've had that same decision 41:54 to make all over again. 41:58 And by God's grace, 41:59 each time he has given me the strength 42:01 to choose to trust him. 42:04 But becoming a single mom or even a mom at all 42:08 was not in the plan I had for myself. 42:12 But God did a lot of work in my life through that. 42:14 I believe in many ways 42:16 that God brought Jabez into my life 42:17 for my own salvation. 42:21 And more than anything else, 42:22 motherhood has brought into my life 42:23 a glaring need for faithfulness in all areas of my life. 42:32 By this point, God had done so much for me 42:35 and done in a credible work in my life, 42:38 but the one thing I never saw him 42:39 changing was me being single. 42:42 And honestly, I really didn't want to get married 42:46 I'd had, my whole life I'd had a really cynical outlook 42:49 on marriage. 42:50 I don't want to make it sound 42:52 like all the marriages around me were bad 42:54 because I know there was many that weren't. 42:57 But I just seen so many negative examples of marriage 43:00 or at least that's what I had focused on. 43:03 And I was convinced that pretty much inevitably 43:07 it was all downhill after the honeymoon. 43:10 So I had pretty much just said that 43:13 I would I never wanted to get married, 43:15 and I wasn't willing to trust anyone that much. 43:17 The initial romance wasn't worth it to me. 43:22 It would inevitably bring pain and heartbreak in the end. 43:27 After a couple of years of having Jabez though 43:30 my resolves started to break down just a little bit 43:33 as I did really want him to some way have a daddy. 43:38 One day I was praying and God, 43:42 I just thought that God asked me to pray 43:44 for my future husband. 43:46 And so I argued about it for a while 43:49 and, but finally it seemed like a really silly thing 43:52 to hang on to, 43:53 so I proceeded to write out this prayer 43:56 for my future husband. 43:58 I honestly can't say 44:00 that I was completely faithful with praying for him after that 44:04 but it did signal a change in my heart and life, 44:08 in my heart with that. 44:11 And it was just a few months after that, 44:14 that Jordan showed up in Thailand. 44:17 He was a paramedic 44:19 and he was there to volunteer for the summer 44:22 and we ended up doing a lot of medical work together. 44:27 And asked, we work together closely for a while. 44:31 I began to realize that this was a man I really respected 44:34 and we had an awful lot in common. 44:37 As far as I was concerned though, 44:39 I didn't really think that they would ever be a man 44:41 who would take not only a girl that was committed to a country 44:44 but also her child as his own. 44:48 So I really didn't want to think of him 44:50 as anything more than a good casual friend. 44:54 But I really didn't need to worry about Jabez. 44:57 By this point, 44:59 Jordan had really proven himself with him, 45:02 and he was honestly probably better friends with Jabez 45:04 than he was with me, 45:05 and if there was one way to my heart that was really it. 45:10 And what really clinched 45:14 was when Jabez threw up all over him 45:17 and he just laughed. 45:21 But I was still completely gone, 45:23 completely going with the good casual friend thing. 45:30 But I was completely oblivious 45:31 to what was God was doing in Jordan's heart at the time. 45:35 At the end of that summer Jordan left, 45:37 return to the States for nursing school, 45:39 and at that point neither of us had any clue 45:40 of any interest on the other's part. 45:44 But a couple months after that 45:46 Jordan called and talked to my parents 45:48 and asked for their blessing on a relationship with me. 45:54 It was really beautiful to see God work in our lives 45:57 as we fell in love. 45:59 And that next year Jordan brought me up 46:01 on a rainy bike ride to a mountain overlook 46:03 that was really special to both of us 46:05 and asked me to marry him. 46:07 And of course, I said, "Yes." 46:11 Just the couple of months before our wedding 46:15 we both fell in love again though. 46:18 But this time it was to another premature 46:20 and abandoned baby boy. 46:23 We both complete, we both agreed that 46:27 we didn't think it was a good idea for us 46:28 to adopt again at least anytime in the near future 46:31 because of the complicated situation 46:33 with Jabez's adoption. 46:36 But once again God really demonstrated 46:39 that our plans for our lives are not always his plans. 46:42 So one month before our wedding 46:44 I brought our little Jessie Asher home. 46:49 It was almost every love story 46:52 ends with either the proposal or the wedding 46:55 and that's a little bit of a pet peeve of mine, 46:58 so I really don't want to end there today. 47:02 I was talking to Jordan a few months ago 47:04 and asking him 47:06 if there's anything specific he wanted me to share 47:08 about our love story, 47:11 and he just asked me to tell you all 47:13 that marriage is awesome. 47:15 I'm not saying that to lift us or our marriage up, 47:19 we're both unfortunately, very real people 47:22 and we have struggles 47:24 and things that we need to talk through, 47:27 and ask forgiveness for. 47:29 But I'm saying this 47:30 because I believe that there is a lot of young people out there 47:33 who need encouragement in this area. 47:37 And I just want to tell any other sceptic out there, 47:40 I know I haven't been married for a long 47:42 and may be I don't have a right to say this yet, 47:45 but at this point there is no doubt in my mind 47:47 that amazing marriage is possible 47:49 by the grace of God. 47:50 Amen. 47:52 And we don't have a perfect marriage 47:55 but by the grace of God we do have a victorious one. 47:58 Amen. 48:02 Right now, 48:04 I'm not doing anything close to what my dreams were. 48:08 I'm actually pretty much living the exact life 48:11 that I vowed I never would. 48:14 And Jordan and I aren't even doing any of the things 48:17 we dreamed of doing together before our marriage. 48:22 We both felt that we would serve God best 48:24 by continuing to do medical missionary work together. 48:29 But God is also lead us away from that 48:31 for the time being right now. 48:33 But the one thing that 48:35 God has brought me back to time and time again 48:37 is that the way he plans our lives is perfect. 48:41 And he completely, 48:43 he plans my life in a way that I never could. 48:47 Right now, as you've probably picked up, 48:50 a large part of my life is being a mom 48:52 to our now three little boys. 48:56 And despite the fact that I love my life, 49:01 through the last several years 49:03 I really struggled with the idea 49:05 that I'm just a mom now. 49:08 I've been so thankful 49:09 for the way that God has brought me, 49:12 but honestly sometimes 49:14 it's been very tempting for me 49:15 to feel like I've stepped out of real mission work, 49:18 like, I'm less of a missionary by just being a wife and mom. 49:22 But through this struggle, 49:24 God has really been growing in me a passion 49:26 for the mission of motherhood 49:27 and the mission work that is needed 49:29 right in my very own home. 49:32 And he's really been giving me the awareness 49:35 that I've been given the privilege of helping 49:39 to form the character for a future generation. 49:43 Now, I know this is GYC 49:44 and it probably seems very out of place for me 49:48 to say anything to other moms out there. 49:50 But I know there's a few here, and I also know 49:54 that there's a whole lot of future young moms here, 49:57 so may be keep this in mind. 49:59 But anyways, 50:02 this quote is from Adventists home 50:03 and it's one that has really encouraged me 50:05 and I would just like to put this in here, 50:07 if you don't mind. 50:10 "If married men go into the work, 50:11 leaving their wives to care for the children at home, 50:13 the wife and mother is doing fully as great 50:15 and important a work as the husband and father. 50:17 Although one is in the missionary field, 50:19 the other is a home missionary, 50:21 whose cares and anxieties and burdens 50:23 frequently far exceed those of the husband and father. 50:27 Her work is a solemn and important one. 50:30 The husband in the open missionary field 50:31 may receive the honours of men, 50:33 while the home toiler may receive no earthly credit 50:36 for her labour. 50:37 But if she works for the best interest of her family, 50:40 seeking to fashion their characters 50:41 after the divine Model, 50:44 the recording angel writes her name 50:46 as one of the greatest missionaries in the world. 50:48 God does not see things 50:50 as man's finite vision views them." 50:52 And I'm not saying this to just be up here saying that, 50:56 oh, mother's work is just as great as men's 50:59 or greater, that's not my point at all. 51:02 But I would just really like to encourage 51:06 any other mother out there that might be here at this GYC 51:09 and just be hearing all these message, messages 51:11 and may possibly struggling with feeling 51:15 like they wish they could be out there 51:18 to a greater extent as well working for God. 51:22 And also, that's from Adventist home Chapter 38, 51:26 and I really encourage you to go read the whole chapter, 51:28 there's some incredible encouragement in there. 51:32 So I just wanted to throw that random little tit-bit in there, 51:35 specifically for any mom 51:36 who's struggling with her place in life. 51:38 But I also want to speak to the rest of you 51:42 who may be feel 51:43 like you're in a unimportant stage of life right now. 51:50 I'm just talking to you from where I am today 51:52 and I believe many of you can relate. 51:55 The thing is that so many of us 51:58 have these big great things we want to do in our lifetime, 52:03 and then we're not quite sure 52:05 why God hasn't allowed all that greatness 52:07 to manifest itself yet. 52:10 How many of you are either in school 52:12 or working or still living at home? 52:18 How many of you consider yourself 52:19 to be in a simple place of life right now at this moment? 52:26 This quote is for you, 52:28 it's one I heard several months ago, 52:29 and it's really stuck with me. 52:31 "If God doesn't rule your mundane 52:33 then he doesn't rule you 52:35 because that's where you live." 52:39 May be you're still living in your parents' house 52:41 and it doesn't feel like there's anything big 52:42 or great happening in your life. 52:46 And often, 52:48 the simple life you live in your home 52:50 is the hardest one 52:52 to live patiently and faithfully. 52:54 I think often we either consciously or unconsciously 52:59 feel that our homes are just a waiting place, 53:03 waiting to go to something big, waiting for real life to start. 53:08 And our family members tend to have a knack 53:12 for getting under our skin like nobody else can. 53:18 But I really, I love the song Hidden Valley, 53:20 so I don't know if anybody else is familiar with that song. 53:23 But the chorus goes, 53:24 Hidden valleys produce a life song 53:26 Hidden valleys will make a heart strong 53:29 Desperation can cause you to sing 53:31 Hidden Valley turn shepherds to kings. 53:35 I want to challenge you 53:37 to not wait till something big is happening in your life 53:39 to live faithfully. 53:41 God will truly bless you 53:43 as you develop faithfulness in these small places. 53:48 You know, when I was thinking and praying 53:51 about what I was supposed to share with you today, 53:55 I found myself just for a little while 53:58 really wishing that my story had been different. 54:01 I was wishing that I could get up here 54:03 and inspire you with a story of my faithful living. 54:08 How God had placed this huge part in my heart 54:10 for the mission field and how I gave up everything 54:12 and went, and how God had done this amazing work in my life. 54:16 I felt like if that was my story then I could-- 54:21 then I could get up here 54:23 and inspire you with the great commission. 54:25 I thought of all the missionaries I know 54:27 who have arrived in the mission field 54:29 all glowing on fire to do God's work, 54:31 and I felt, I thought of all of them 54:34 and how much better equipped 54:35 I thought each of them would be to be up here 54:37 and share with you their story. 54:40 But that's not my story. 54:43 God took me a different route 54:45 and he's slowly and gently changed 54:47 a struggling rebellious girl's heart 54:49 and he has turned it towards him 54:52 and a desire for sharing his gospel. 54:55 And I can't get up here 54:56 and tell you all about my goodness, 54:58 and my obedience, and my faithfulness, 55:00 faithful mission service. 55:04 But what I can tell you today is that I'm a normal person, 55:08 I am not some missionary super hero. 55:11 And I can tell you about the work 55:13 that God's done in my life, 55:17 in a very imperfect girl's heart. 55:20 I just want to say that God still working on me. 55:23 I've not reach some level of perfection 55:25 the to be able to be up here and share with you at GYC. 55:29 You have no idea of the struggle that I faced 55:32 with the reality of GYC looming up 55:34 and that I would need to share my story with you, 55:37 and I just felt so insignificant, 55:39 and imperfect, and unworthy. 55:43 But God is still working in me and he's not finished yet. 55:45 And I believe that, 55:47 I have a greater story to tell you all 55:50 because of my imperfections and failings. 55:53 And because I also have a greater story 55:55 of God's faithfulness to me 55:56 and all that he has done in my life. 56:03 The three big passions God has on my heart right now 56:06 is contentedness in the simple place I'm at, 56:10 and faithfulness in my daily living, 56:12 and, but most of all 56:14 a constant surrender of my plans and dreams 56:16 in exchange for the plans and dreams that God has for me. 56:21 And let me tell you 56:23 that's a pretty incredible exchange, 56:26 and that's a challenge I really want to end this with. 56:29 When I was praying and asking God 56:30 about what I was supposed to share, 56:32 I really felt 56:34 that although my heart is largely in the mission field 56:36 I was not supposed to challenge you 56:38 to a commitment to foreign mission work. 56:43 When Jesus comes back, he's not going to ask us 56:46 if we went to Thailand or China or India. 56:50 You know, God's going to ask us, 56:51 "Did you do work that I called you to do? 56:53 Were you a faithful servant?" 56:56 And I want to be able to say, "Yes, Lord, 56:58 I was faithful and all that you asked of me." 57:02 God doesn't need you to necessarily commit today 57:04 to go to a mission field. 57:07 God wants you to commit today 57:09 to following his leading wherever he sends you. 57:13 And that might mean that he sends you 57:14 to Papa New Guinea, 57:16 it might mean that you're in school, 57:18 it might mean that you're the CEO of a large company 57:21 or it might mean 57:22 that you're simply raising your little kids. 57:25 But I want to challenge you today 57:27 to give up your ideas 57:28 of how you think you will best serve God, 57:31 to give your hopes, your plans, your dreams to God. 57:37 As you've heard from my story, 57:40 the issuance of surrender and trust 57:43 has really been a theme through my life. 57:46 And I look back on the moment when I finally chose 57:49 to completely give all my plans to God 57:51 as being a pivotal point in my life. 57:55 My favourite text ever is John 10:10, 57:58 "I am come that they may have life 58:00 and that they may have it abundantly." 58:04 God came to this earth not just to give you life, 58:06 but to give you abundant life. 58:09 How can you not choose to trust a God 58:12 that wants to give you an abundant life? 58:16 Today, I want to challenge you 58:17 to make that choice to trust him. 58:22 And I want to challenge you specifically too 58:24 if you haven't already to make some time soon 58:29 to sit down and think through the plans and dreams 58:32 you have for yourself, and to give those to God. 58:38 You can trust him with them. 58:41 I can't tell you that your life will always be easy 58:45 or that it won't ever be painful. 58:48 But I can promise you that you will always look back 58:52 and be able to say that it was completely worth it 58:55 and that life with Jesus has been sweet. 59:08 Thank you. |
Revised 2016-07-11