All right, welcome
everyone to the noon plenary.
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We would encourage
everyone to take your seats
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as quickly and
quietly as possible.
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We have an
amazing treat before us.
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I'm so excited about the person
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that's gonna be sharing
their testimony with you
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in just a few movements.
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Maria Kennedy is
someone I have known
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since I was probably
13 years older or so.
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But we haven't had
a lot of opportunity
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to spend a lot of time together.
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We would see each
other about once a year
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and we promise to be pen-pals.
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And unfortunately,
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she'd always dutifully
write me these wonderful letters
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and I was the
world's worst pen-pal
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and I would
never write her back.
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And then the next
time I would see her,
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I saw her every
June, I'd be like,
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"Maria I'm so sorry,
this year I'll write you..."
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and I always
wanted to get to know her,
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but I was so bad
at writing letters
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I never like...
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reciprocated.
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She never lost her sweet spirit.
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But one thing
that was a totally,
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what has blown my
mind over the years
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as I have watched Maria,
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from the time that we were both,
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around 13 or so,
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until now is that when
we knew each other back
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then both us were, I
was a very shy person.
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But I thought she
was the most soft spoken
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and mild person I had
ever met in all my life.
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And yet, God has taken her
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through the most
incredible experiences
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and through the most
remarkable challenges
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that even I...
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that I have always
thought how did she...
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how did she do this?
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How did she manage it?
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How is this happened?
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God can take anyone anywhere,
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and Maria's life
is an amazing evidence
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of that same thing,
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I'm very excited to hear her.
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So let's prepare our hearts
to hear what she has to say.
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I'm gonna say a prayer
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and then the girl's are
gonna bless us with some music,
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and then the next
voice you will hear
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will be that of Maria Kennedy.
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Let's pray.
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Father, we thank
you for this morning,
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we thank you, for the blessings,
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we thank you for the seminars
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and the things
that we have learned.
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Lord, we pray
that as Maria comes out
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that you would just
put your spirit upon her
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in abounded measure,
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that she will be
filled with your grace,
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that she would be
enable to speak clearly
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and powerfully your word
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that as we hear her testimony,
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we would be
tremendously moved and blessed.
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We know that you can do anything
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so long as clay is
pliable in your hands,
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as you, oh, Lord, our father,
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we are the clay
and you are our potter,
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and we are the
works of your hands.
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We love you.
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In Jesus' name, Amen.
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In the morning
sunrise I behold Your glory
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All creation sings
Your majesty and praise
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I come before You,
resting in Your presence
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My Maker and Redeemer
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You're the Keeper of my days
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And You are
faithful to supply my need
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You are faithful to
give me joy abundantly
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You are faithful to calm
the storms of life for me
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You are
faithful, You're all I need
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In the darkness of the
night my heart is peaceful
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As I rest beneath
the Shadow of Your Wings
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For You alone can
fill my deepest longings
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You're the Alpha and
Omega, my Jehovah and my King
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And You are
faithful to supply my need
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You are faithful to
give me joy abundantly
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You are faithful to calm
the storms of life for me
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You are
faithful, You're all I need
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And You are
faithful to supply my need
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You are faithful to
give me joy abundantly
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You are faithful to calm
the storms of life for me
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You are faithful
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You're all I need
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You are faithful
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You're all I need.
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Good morning.
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Will you please, pray with me?
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Dear Father, thank you
that we are here today.
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And Lord, I need you.
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I pray that I
would speak the words
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that you want me to speak
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and that would about
you and not about me.
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Thank you. Amen.
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Christmas time, eight years ago,
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I was in Minneapolis,
attending my first GYC.
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But I was not
excited to be there,
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I gone along, I
was 16 at that time
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and I was at a very
dark time in my life.
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And I was really
struggling with a lot of doubts
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and I wasn't even
sure I believed in God.
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And honestly, I'd
pretty much gone a long
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because my friends were going
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and they invited
me to go with them
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and I didn't want to
miss out on the trip.
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So I arrived and
I looked around me
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and absolutely
everyone appeared to be
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all glowing and enthusiastic,
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and just like most
of you are here today.
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And I honestly looked at them,
and I just thought to myself
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that they must be a
complete bunch of hypocrites.
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And I attended
David Gate's seminar
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simply because it was
somewhat interesting to me,
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and I thought I would probably
be the least convicting one.
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Anyways, every altar call,
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I just clenched my
fists a little tighter
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and I stayed in my seat.
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I really wish I could
tell you that I left that GYC
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with a new commitment to Christ
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and a new lease on life
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but unfortunately,
that wasn't the case.
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God did that work
in my life later on.
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I have been blessed
with the opportunity
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to return to GYC
every year since then.
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But the couple years
that I have been back
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every time my mind
automatically goes back
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to that dark place I was
sat at that GYC in Minneapolis.
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And it's always an
amazing experience,
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because it absolutely
highlights for me the work
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that God's done in my
heart in life since then.
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But I'd like to go back a
little further than that GYC
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and share a little bit
more of my story with you.
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I was born as a
second of four kids.
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My mom was a very
conservative Adventist
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and my father I believe
was pretty much an Atheist.
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But he wasn't in
our lives very long
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as he left when I
was five years old.
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A couple years after that
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my mom got
remarried to a wonderful man
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who soon won my heart
too, and I very soon forgot
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that he was not
my biological father.
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But after what was a couple
of the best years of my life
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he died after a
long and painful battle
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with brain cancer.
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And I'm just going to skip
ahead here to when I was 13.
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I remember lying in bed late
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after the lights were turned out
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and just quietly
crying and mouthing the words,
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"I hate you God."
00:10:15.34\00:10:18.38
And I know the
strength of those words
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is probably a little
shocking to most of you,
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but I was at a place in my
life where I didn't understand
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why God had allowed the
things that happen in my life,
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and I was really struggling.
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You see, after
my father had left
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we were incredibly poor
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and my mom often struggle
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just to keep food in
the kitchen cabinets.
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And we had seen
God work in our lives
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time and time again.
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It was just like all
of those miracle stories
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that you've
probably often heard,
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we'd wake up in the
morning and there was no food
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in the kitchen
cabinets for breakfast,
00:11:01.36\00:11:04.03
and I remember
friends driving up,
00:11:04.06\00:11:06.70
we lived way out in the country,
00:11:06.73\00:11:08.86
it wasn't just a
quick trip for them to make.
00:11:08.90\00:11:11.03
And friends drove up in time
for breakfast and said that,
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God had told
them to bring us food
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and they left us with a
dozen bags of groceries,
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and soap, and toothpaste,
and everything we didn't have.
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And it was just like that
often people would walk up
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and put money in our hands
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and say that God had
told them to give it to us.
00:11:31.39\00:11:34.62
And we already received an
anonymous check in the mail
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at just the right time.
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So and many times my mom
spent hours recounting to us
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the amazing things God had done
in our lives through the years.
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So you can see that was
absolutely ingrained in me
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that, God works miracles for us
00:11:54.98\00:11:56.95
and that he
always comes through.
00:11:56.98\00:12:00.62
But he hadn't healed my father,
and I couldn't understand that.
00:12:00.65\00:12:05.25
What kind of God
was that anyways?
00:12:05.29\00:12:08.09
A God that
blesses and heals people
00:12:08.12\00:12:11.13
when he wants to but just
leaves a young father to die
00:12:11.16\00:12:13.40
when his kids need him.
00:12:13.43\00:12:15.43
So you could, so
here I was at 13,
00:12:15.46\00:12:20.54
determining to hate the God
00:12:20.57\00:12:21.97
that allowed so
much pain and suffering
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that he alone had
the power to prevent.
00:12:24.27\00:12:26.64
It didn't take
me long after that
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to declare to myself
00:12:32.81\00:12:34.15
that may be I just
didn't believe in God.
00:12:34.18\00:12:39.12
I toyed a lot with
the idea of atheism
00:12:39.15\00:12:42.12
through the next few years.
00:12:42.16\00:12:44.66
But honestly, I was a
little wishy-washy with it.
00:12:44.69\00:12:50.33
I've seen so much
that it was hard for me
00:12:50.37\00:12:52.10
to absolutely say
that God didn't exist.
00:12:52.13\00:12:55.00
But neither could
I make heads or tails
00:12:55.04\00:12:56.87
out of all the things
that happened in my life
00:12:56.91\00:13:00.28
and all my
doubts and anger at God,
00:13:00.31\00:13:04.35
and honestly, it was just
easier to just tell myself
00:13:04.38\00:13:06.95
that I didn't believe in
him and try to ignore it all.
00:13:06.98\00:13:12.69
I'm sure you're
probably wondering
00:13:12.72\00:13:14.46
where my family was in
all of this at this point.
00:13:14.49\00:13:18.49
By that point my mom
had remarried once again
00:13:18.53\00:13:21.86
to another wonderful man,
00:13:21.90\00:13:23.26
and I was
honestly a quite private
00:13:26.74\00:13:30.07
and very shy person,
00:13:30.11\00:13:31.67
and I pretty much
completely shut them
00:13:31.71\00:13:34.28
out of what was
going on in my heart.
00:13:34.31\00:13:36.24
I honestly don't think
they really had much of a clue
00:13:36.28\00:13:39.61
that I was struggling.
00:13:39.65\00:13:42.18
And it was also
really important to me
00:13:42.22\00:13:44.39
to not be a bad
example to my younger siblings,
00:13:44.42\00:13:47.59
and I didn't want to
bring pain to my parents.
00:13:47.62\00:13:51.96
So I didn't see any
reason to spout my beliefs,
00:13:51.99\00:13:57.37
or may be I should
say lack of belief.
00:13:57.40\00:14:02.40
So I live the
quiet life of rebel,
00:14:02.44\00:14:04.74
while on the outside
I followed all the rules
00:14:04.77\00:14:07.34
and I were skirts to my ankles.
00:14:07.38\00:14:09.24
Through this time I struggled
a lot with social anxiety
00:14:13.31\00:14:17.19
and even attending church
was really a struggle for me.
00:14:17.22\00:14:21.29
We attended a very
conservative Adventist Church
00:14:21.32\00:14:25.06
that also a wonderful church.
00:14:25.09\00:14:28.36
But anyways,
everyone appeared to be,
00:14:28.40\00:14:30.77
to me to be living perfect
in Victoria's Christian lives.
00:14:30.80\00:14:34.10
And honestly, I just
looked at all of them
00:14:34.14\00:14:36.91
and I thought that if
they knew who I actually was
00:14:36.94\00:14:42.21
and what I was struggling with
00:14:42.24\00:14:44.15
that they would
never be able to accept me.
00:14:44.18\00:14:48.78
When I attended
that GYC in Minneapolis,
00:14:48.82\00:14:52.85
I was really pretty
much at the end of my rope,
00:14:52.89\00:14:56.86
at that point I was
feeling really hopeless
00:14:56.89\00:14:59.09
and miserable and
somewhat suicidal.
00:14:59.13\00:15:03.83
Nothing changed
immediately after that GYC,
00:15:03.87\00:15:07.40
but a few months after
that I began to realize
00:15:07.44\00:15:11.61
how low a place I was at,
and I really begin to realize
00:15:11.64\00:15:16.48
that I couldn't live
like that any longer.
00:15:16.51\00:15:20.68
I read such a low and
hopeless feeling point
00:15:20.72\00:15:23.02
that I strongly
considered ending my own life.
00:15:23.05\00:15:28.19
And I think
that was in many ways
00:15:28.22\00:15:30.43
what truly brought me to that
bottom-of-the-pit type place.
00:15:30.46\00:15:35.83
It wasn't like I
just all of a sudden
00:15:35.86\00:15:37.97
knew that God existed,
00:15:38.00\00:15:39.53
but, what happened
was now I truly realize
00:15:39.57\00:15:41.67
that in the Godless
life I created for myself,
00:15:41.70\00:15:45.47
there was no joy, and no peace.
00:15:45.51\00:15:49.44
When I think of
that time in my life,
00:15:49.48\00:15:51.08
there where the always,
truly comes to my mind is dark.
00:15:51.11\00:15:55.95
It was truly just a dark
and miserable and hopeless.
00:15:55.98\00:16:01.99
Honestly, when
it came down to it,
00:16:02.02\00:16:03.93
I knew that
without God in my life
00:16:03.96\00:16:05.53
there was
nothing in life for me.
00:16:05.56\00:16:09.30
And one day, I came to the point
00:16:09.33\00:16:11.43
where I just said, I
can't live life like this,
00:16:11.47\00:16:14.34
I'm ready to give the
God thing another chance.
00:16:14.37\00:16:17.01
Recently, I was
reading the Great Controversy
00:16:20.14\00:16:23.35
and I came across this quote
00:16:23.38\00:16:25.18
that I thought really
spoke to all the doubts
00:16:25.21\00:16:28.05
and questions that I
struggled with at this point,
00:16:28.08\00:16:31.99
I'd like to read that for you.
00:16:32.02\00:16:33.62
"While God has given
ample evidence for faith,
00:16:35.02\00:16:37.23
He will never remove
all excuse for unbelief.
00:16:37.26\00:16:40.06
All who look for hooks
00:16:40.10\00:16:41.43
to hang their
doubts upon will find them.
00:16:41.46\00:16:43.26
And those who refuse to
accept and obey God's word
00:16:43.30\00:16:45.77
until every
objection has been removed,
00:16:45.80\00:16:47.57
and there is no longer
an opportunity for doubt,
00:16:47.60\00:16:49.54
will never come to the light."
00:16:49.57\00:16:52.47
And that's really what
I did, I look for hooks,
00:16:52.51\00:16:54.98
staying my doubts
upon, and I found them.
00:16:55.01\00:16:59.08
And my guess is
that there's at least
00:16:59.11\00:17:00.68
probably a few
young people here today
00:17:00.72\00:17:02.88
who are in a similar
situation that I was.
00:17:02.92\00:17:07.09
And I just really
like to encourage you
00:17:07.12\00:17:11.06
to not wait for every doubt
00:17:11.09\00:17:12.79
you struggle with to be removed.
00:17:12.83\00:17:15.60
And to not entertain the thought
00:17:15.63\00:17:17.43
that you can
just go your own way
00:17:17.47\00:17:20.27
and live your own life
00:17:20.30\00:17:21.70
until God makes
himself known to you
00:17:21.74\00:17:24.17
in some miraculous way and...
00:17:24.21\00:17:27.31
and all your
questions are answered.
00:17:30.35\00:17:32.75
That's a complete trap
00:17:32.78\00:17:34.12
that the devil has
or was waiting for you.
00:17:34.15\00:17:36.25
Just a couple months
after my dubious decision
00:17:39.29\00:17:42.89
to allow God back into my life,
00:17:42.92\00:17:49.40
my family decided
that they wanted us
00:17:49.43\00:17:52.80
to have a mission
experience together
00:17:52.83\00:17:54.70
before my older
sister and I left home.
00:17:54.74\00:17:58.17
And, the big thing
about me at that point
00:17:58.21\00:18:02.24
was that I had
big goals and dreams,
00:18:02.28\00:18:07.98
and that I wanted to
complete, and at that point
00:18:08.02\00:18:11.02
I was very
interested in aviation
00:18:11.05\00:18:14.62
and also medical work.
00:18:14.66\00:18:16.32
And so I was finally 17
00:18:16.36\00:18:18.53
and so I could get
my pilot's license,
00:18:18.56\00:18:20.86
and I wanted to I
had everything mapped out
00:18:20.90\00:18:24.63
for that year.
00:18:24.67\00:18:26.00
I was planning on getting,
going to get my pilot's license
00:18:26.03\00:18:29.04
and getting EMS training,
00:18:29.07\00:18:30.41
and my goal was
eventually to work in Alaska
00:18:30.44\00:18:35.04
as a bush pilot.
00:18:35.08\00:18:36.58
But anyways, so I
had everything mapped out
00:18:36.61\00:18:38.71
for that year and
then my family says that,
00:18:38.75\00:18:43.52
we're leaving for
Thailand for a mission trip.
00:18:43.55\00:18:48.32
And, so you can
imagine that just to say,
00:18:48.36\00:18:50.99
"I was not happy about that"
really be an understatement.
00:18:51.03\00:18:54.26
So through the
next couple months
00:18:57.47\00:18:59.07
as we prepared to leave I
truly I fussed and wind about it
00:18:59.10\00:19:02.60
but it was really to no avail,
00:19:02.64\00:19:04.54
and a few months later found us
boarding a plane for Thailand.
00:19:04.57\00:19:09.74
But the catch to it that made it
00:19:09.78\00:19:11.65
more than just a
little three week mission trip
00:19:11.68\00:19:16.28
was that we have
arrived with one way tickets.
00:19:16.32\00:19:19.92
So we arrived there in Thailand
00:19:19.95\00:19:21.62
and I obviously had
quite a bad attitude about it,
00:19:21.66\00:19:25.53
and I wasn't sure,
00:19:25.56\00:19:28.00
I didn't know how
long I would be there for.
00:19:28.03\00:19:30.07
A couple weeks after that
00:19:33.34\00:19:35.14
we were invited to
visit a small bamboo school
00:19:35.17\00:19:38.31
near the border of Thailand.
00:19:38.34\00:19:42.41
And it was a little bit
of an atypical situation
00:19:42.44\00:19:45.98
with this little bamboo school.
00:19:46.01\00:19:47.75
First off there was no
way to legally get there,
00:19:47.78\00:19:52.49
so we had to
sneak across the river
00:19:52.52\00:19:55.39
either at dusk or dawn,
00:19:55.42\00:19:56.96
and also it was in a war zone.
00:19:56.99\00:19:59.43
And there were there
is no current fighting
00:19:59.46\00:20:02.33
right in the area that we were
00:20:02.36\00:20:05.70
but there was fighting
in the surrounding areas
00:20:05.73\00:20:08.97
and there was, we were
always under threat of attack.
00:20:09.00\00:20:12.17
So we arrived at
this little bamboo school
00:20:12.21\00:20:15.64
and kids came up, ran
up and grabbed our hands
00:20:15.68\00:20:18.91
and lead us to
our first bamboo hut.
00:20:18.95\00:20:22.25
And.
00:20:22.28\00:20:26.19
I know it's really
the most cliche thing
00:20:26.22\00:20:28.62
ever to say
about a mission trip,
00:20:28.66\00:20:30.79
but those little kids
really grabbed my heart.
00:20:30.83\00:20:34.06
When you see
those kids wearing rags
00:20:42.14\00:20:44.54
and they have used huge
happy smiles on their faces
00:20:44.57\00:20:47.78
and they have no
reason to be happy like that,
00:20:47.81\00:20:51.45
but when you see that,
00:20:51.48\00:20:54.32
all of a sudden nothing in life
00:20:54.35\00:20:55.85
that really felt like it
truly mattered to you before,
00:20:55.88\00:20:58.69
feels like it
matters to us much anymore.
00:20:58.72\00:21:02.82
Three days later,
00:21:02.86\00:21:04.79
might we were leaving
getting ready to leave
00:21:04.83\00:21:06.90
and they asked me if I'd
be willing to stay and teach?
00:21:06.93\00:21:10.20
And I said, "Yes."
00:21:10.23\00:21:13.13
Now, I had always been
very stubborn and opinionated
00:21:13.17\00:21:18.71
and the one thing I always said
00:21:18.74\00:21:20.78
was that I would
never ever teach.
00:21:20.81\00:21:25.25
But ironically, here I was
00:21:25.28\00:21:27.35
and I found myself
sitting in a small,
00:21:27.38\00:21:29.82
one room bamboo school room
00:21:29.85\00:21:31.45
would 40 squirmy
kindergarteners every day,
00:21:31.49\00:21:34.16
and I do come up with
about six hours of stuff
00:21:34.19\00:21:36.59
to teach them every day.
00:21:36.62\00:21:38.06
And so it really
challenge me ridiculously,
00:21:38.09\00:21:40.66
it wasn't something
that came naturally for me,
00:21:40.70\00:21:42.83
but I also found myself really
finding a lot of joy in it.
00:21:42.86\00:21:46.94
We were always under
the threat of attack there,
00:21:53.51\00:21:55.34
as I mentioned before.
00:21:55.38\00:21:57.51
And I remember New
Year's Day in 2008,
00:21:57.55\00:22:03.12
which I guess would be
about eight years ago today.
00:22:03.15\00:22:05.79
And I remember laying there
on my bamboo mat late at night,
00:22:05.82\00:22:10.13
and I began to hear
00:22:10.16\00:22:12.33
what sounded
like a lot of gunfire.
00:22:12.36\00:22:15.60
And so, I was laying there,
00:22:15.63\00:22:18.07
and the thing
was we had been told
00:22:18.10\00:22:20.30
that after New Year's Day,
00:22:20.34\00:22:24.04
they were planning an attack,
00:22:24.07\00:22:25.61
there would likely be attack
shortly after New Year's Day.
00:22:25.64\00:22:28.38
So obviously, what
was going through my mind
00:22:28.41\00:22:30.38
was that we were under attack
00:22:30.41\00:22:33.78
but, I didn't really know
00:22:33.82\00:22:35.78
and there's nothing I
could do about it at the time.
00:22:35.82\00:22:38.42
Even if we were, there
were soldiers in the area
00:22:38.45\00:22:40.19
that I knew would alert us
if we did have to evacuate.
00:22:40.22\00:22:42.66
So the only thing I
could do there was lay there
00:22:42.69\00:22:45.09
and pray to God for safety
and try to get some sleep.
00:22:45.13\00:22:49.56
But I woke the next
morning, and anyways,
00:22:49.60\00:22:54.70
I learned that the soldiers
00:22:54.74\00:22:56.74
had been having a
little New Year celebration
00:22:56.77\00:22:59.31
and it was
actually fireworks that,
00:22:59.34\00:23:01.01
it never even crossed my
mind that they had fireworks.
00:23:01.04\00:23:04.51
But anyway, so it
was moments like that
00:23:04.55\00:23:07.68
when I really felt
that eminent danger,
00:23:07.72\00:23:13.29
and also moments
when there was actually
00:23:13.32\00:23:15.22
real danger.
00:23:15.26\00:23:16.59
But anyways, I begin to
truly feel my need of God.
00:23:16.62\00:23:21.10
Morning and night
I sat cross legged
00:23:21.13\00:23:24.10
in this bamboo hut.
00:23:24.13\00:23:25.57
We didn't have
electricity so there's,
00:23:25.60\00:23:27.74
so I look at these kids
through the candle light.
00:23:27.77\00:23:31.07
And I would just watch them,
00:23:31.11\00:23:37.35
I just watch these kids
00:23:37.38\00:23:38.81
that had stories
way worst than my own.
00:23:38.85\00:23:41.35
Many of them had
watched their own parents
00:23:41.38\00:23:43.42
be tortured and killed,
and they had known pain,
00:23:43.45\00:23:46.49
and sickness, and death,
00:23:46.52\00:23:48.22
and running for all
of their young lives.
00:23:48.26\00:23:51.49
And these same kids
sat and worship God.
00:23:51.53\00:23:56.23
Always have
image stuck in my mind
00:23:56.26\00:23:58.00
of those little ones
just throwing their heads back
00:23:58.03\00:23:59.93
and closing their eyes and just
seeing their little hearts out.
00:23:59.97\00:24:04.27
And the need I saw around me
00:24:04.31\00:24:05.67
really took my
eyes off my own misery.
00:24:05.71\00:24:09.81
Now, up to this point
00:24:09.84\00:24:11.35
I've been living a very
mediocre Christian life,
00:24:11.38\00:24:15.12
after my...
00:24:15.15\00:24:17.22
after I told God
00:24:17.25\00:24:18.59
that I would give the
God thing another chance,
00:24:18.62\00:24:20.76
honestly, I didn't
change much in my life at all.
00:24:20.79\00:24:24.69
I was just, I guess I
was just kind of waiting
00:24:24.73\00:24:28.73
for something to
happen I'm not even sure.
00:24:28.76\00:24:30.90
All that really changed was
that I no longer denied God.
00:24:34.44\00:24:38.34
But, so here I was and I began
to truly feel my need of God,
00:24:38.37\00:24:42.28
partially out of fear
00:24:42.31\00:24:43.65
which I realize was
not the best motivation.
00:24:43.68\00:24:47.18
But I began to actually get up
00:24:47.22\00:24:49.15
before the 5:30
worship bell in the morning
00:24:49.18\00:24:52.75
and actually read
my Bible and pray.
00:24:52.79\00:24:56.62
And God was becoming
much more real to me.
00:24:56.66\00:25:02.33
The other thing that
happened through that time
00:25:02.36\00:25:04.50
at that little Bamboo school
00:25:04.53\00:25:06.33
was that it really reinforced
my interest in medical work.
00:25:06.37\00:25:12.37
So at that point I
was really interested
00:25:12.41\00:25:14.71
in shortest medical
training I could get
00:25:14.74\00:25:17.15
to be able to
return and work there.
00:25:17.18\00:25:20.15
So I returned for EMT
training in the States.
00:25:20.18\00:25:23.72
And at first,
00:25:23.75\00:25:25.09
I was really focused on
my reason for being there
00:25:25.12\00:25:27.46
and I was doing well.
00:25:27.49\00:25:30.16
But it didn't take
very long for my old doubts
00:25:30.19\00:25:34.20
to start creeping back in
00:25:34.23\00:25:36.20
and I very soon
started sliding back down
00:25:36.23\00:25:38.93
the slippery slope of
rebellion and unbelief.
00:25:38.97\00:25:43.54
I had completely
thrown myself into the EMS,
00:25:43.57\00:25:45.84
the whole EMS work scene,
00:25:45.87\00:25:48.24
which tends to be a very
secular work environment.
00:25:48.28\00:25:51.18
And at least for me,
it wasn't conducive at all
00:25:51.21\00:25:53.65
to a growing
relationship with Christ.
00:25:53.68\00:25:57.42
And also through that time
00:25:57.45\00:25:59.35
I had quite a
few horrific scenes
00:25:59.39\00:26:03.69
that I worked on,
00:26:03.73\00:26:05.16
and involving
death and other things.
00:26:05.19\00:26:07.70
And so it really brought
to the forefront of my mind
00:26:07.73\00:26:12.40
all my questions and towards God
00:26:12.43\00:26:16.44
about why he
allowed all of this.
00:26:16.47\00:26:20.78
But the difference...
00:26:20.81\00:26:24.48
this time I was back
for about ten months,
00:26:24.51\00:26:27.32
and towards the end of that time
00:26:27.35\00:26:28.68
I was really in
a dark place again.
00:26:28.72\00:26:31.92
But the
difference was that this time
00:26:31.95\00:26:33.49
I had this really
fresh memory in my mind
00:26:33.52\00:26:37.29
of the incredible change
00:26:37.33\00:26:38.66
that God had made in my
life a few months before.
00:26:38.69\00:26:42.86
And so I realized more than ever
00:26:42.90\00:26:46.77
that there was nothing
in life for me without God.
00:26:46.80\00:26:51.34
In Psalms 143:3-8...
00:26:51.37\00:26:54.91
I read this the other
day, and it completely,
00:27:03.82\00:27:06.62
I felt like it spoke to
where I was at that point
00:27:06.65\00:27:09.59
better than I could today,
00:27:09.62\00:27:11.63
"For the enemy as
persecuted my soul,
00:27:11.66\00:27:13.60
his crush my life to the ground,
00:27:13.63\00:27:15.53
he has made me
do all in darkness
00:27:15.56\00:27:17.23
like those who
have long been dead.
00:27:17.27\00:27:19.13
Therefore my spirit
is overwhelmed within me,
00:27:19.17\00:27:21.27
my heart within
me is distressed.
00:27:21.30\00:27:23.61
I remember the days of old,
I meditate on all your works,
00:27:23.64\00:27:26.81
I muse on the
work of your hands.
00:27:26.84\00:27:29.21
I spread out my hands to you,
00:27:29.24\00:27:30.78
my soul longs for
you like a thirsty land.
00:27:30.81\00:27:35.72
Answer me speedily,
00:27:35.75\00:27:37.09
Oh Lord: my spirit fails
do not hide your face from me,
00:27:37.12\00:27:39.89
lest I be like those
who go down into the pit.
00:27:39.92\00:27:42.66
Cause me to hear your
loving kindness in the morning,
00:27:42.69\00:27:44.86
for in you do I trust:
00:27:44.89\00:27:46.43
cause me to know the
way in which I should walk,
00:27:46.46\00:27:48.53
for I lift up my soul to you."
00:27:48.56\00:27:50.27
Anyways, I...
00:27:55.87\00:27:57.41
at that point I
recommitted my life to God.
00:27:57.44\00:28:01.84
But by this point EMS
00:28:01.88\00:28:03.28
had become a huge
passion in my life
00:28:03.31\00:28:05.61
and I was really hooked on it.
00:28:05.65\00:28:08.15
I reached the end of my training
00:28:08.18\00:28:09.85
and at this point
all I wanted to do
00:28:09.88\00:28:12.89
was go continue my education.
00:28:12.92\00:28:14.99
I wanted to go on to paramedic
00:28:15.02\00:28:16.69
and possibly the
flight nurse and...
00:28:16.73\00:28:18.99
But I had promised
when I left Thailand
00:28:22.70\00:28:25.67
10 months before
that I would return.
00:28:25.70\00:28:29.47
And at that point my
mom actually called me
00:28:29.50\00:28:33.58
and reminded me
of the commitment
00:28:33.61\00:28:36.28
that I had made,
00:28:36.31\00:28:37.65
and I was quite unhappy
to listen to her, but I did.
00:28:37.68\00:28:43.05
So I return to Thailand
00:28:43.08\00:28:45.99
as an unwilling
missionary again.
00:28:46.02\00:28:51.06
By this point the Bamboo school,
00:28:51.09\00:28:52.73
where we had lived had been,
00:28:52.76\00:28:55.33
where I had lived had
been attacked and evacuated
00:28:55.36\00:28:58.13
and moved to nearby.
00:28:58.17\00:29:01.50
And my family
was now living there
00:29:01.54\00:29:03.34
and very involved
with the work there.
00:29:03.37\00:29:06.14
In my absence, a friend
who was a nurse had arrived
00:29:06.17\00:29:09.14
and had started a
clinic on our front porch
00:29:09.18\00:29:14.48
and every morning the patients
would pack that little clinic.
00:29:14.52\00:29:18.19
And it wasn't very long before
I found myself in the positions
00:29:18.22\00:29:22.52
where I had used a
little training I had.
00:29:22.56\00:29:25.89
And it wasn't too long
00:29:25.93\00:29:27.56
before I really began
to love the work there.
00:29:27.60\00:29:29.96
But I became more and more aware
00:29:30.00\00:29:32.07
that there was areas nearby
00:29:32.10\00:29:35.80
where they had no
medical care whatsoever.
00:29:35.84\00:29:38.81
And I really, the desire really
grew in me to move somewhere
00:29:38.84\00:29:45.75
where I could work
in one of those areas.
00:29:45.78\00:29:49.28
So, it wasn't very
long before I moved out
00:29:54.36\00:29:56.36
to a very remote
mountain village.
00:29:56.39\00:29:59.13
And through that
time I really grew a lot.
00:30:03.47\00:30:06.43
I would encounter all
these medical situations
00:30:06.47\00:30:09.00
I did not know how to deal with.
00:30:09.04\00:30:11.04
And so I would have to walk up
to where we had phone reception
00:30:11.07\00:30:13.64
and call my friend who
was a nurse and just say,
00:30:13.68\00:30:16.21
"What do I do?"
00:30:16.24\00:30:17.58
And she was amazing with it
00:30:17.61\00:30:18.98
and she would
always give me good advice
00:30:19.01\00:30:22.55
and was always very patient.
00:30:22.58\00:30:24.55
Sometimes, I look
back to that time and I...
00:30:24.59\00:30:27.99
I just, I can't believe
00:30:28.02\00:30:29.76
that I don't know
what I was thinking.
00:30:29.79\00:30:31.93
I was only 18 and
but I'm really thankful
00:30:31.96\00:30:36.73
for the experiences
that I had at that point
00:30:36.77\00:30:39.60
and the way that grew me.
00:30:39.63\00:30:40.97
But everything
I was experiencing
00:30:44.97\00:30:46.74
and all the medical
work I was attempting to do
00:30:46.78\00:30:48.84
to bring me back
to desperately wanting
00:30:48.88\00:30:51.05
to go further my education.
00:30:51.08\00:30:53.82
By this point, I really
had a love for this land
00:30:53.85\00:30:55.92
and this people,
00:30:55.95\00:30:57.45
And I promised myself
that I would come back
00:30:57.49\00:31:00.06
but I still really
wanted to go complete my goals
00:31:00.09\00:31:02.96
in plans first.
00:31:02.99\00:31:05.89
But the one thing
holding me back was money.
00:31:05.93\00:31:09.50
And the one thing that I've
really learned over the years
00:31:09.53\00:31:12.07
is that God's leading is
always particularly direct
00:31:12.10\00:31:14.60
when you don't have
a penny to your name.
00:31:14.64\00:31:18.64
I didn't have enough even
for a ticket back to the States
00:31:18.67\00:31:22.14
and God wasn't providing it
00:31:22.18\00:31:24.11
and I was
completely stuck where I was.
00:31:24.15\00:31:26.51
I practically felt
like a captive missionary
00:31:26.55\00:31:28.88
and I didn't
think it was very fair.
00:31:28.92\00:31:33.05
The thing was that
00:31:33.09\00:31:34.46
it wasn't just a
desire to go do something.
00:31:34.49\00:31:40.30
There was there was
nothing wrong with me
00:31:40.33\00:31:41.96
wanting to go
further my education,
00:31:42.00\00:31:44.43
it was that it was
practically a God in my life.
00:31:44.47\00:31:47.44
I couldn't see
myself even being happy
00:31:47.47\00:31:49.17
if God didn't allow me to go
complete my plans and dreams.
00:31:49.20\00:31:54.24
A few months later, as I was
still struggling through this
00:31:54.28\00:31:58.71
I attended a Bible and
medical missionary training
00:31:58.75\00:32:02.18
that was held
by a current pastor
00:32:02.22\00:32:03.99
up north in Thailand.
00:32:04.02\00:32:06.32
And as I sat there every day
00:32:06.35\00:32:07.99
listening to
God's word being read
00:32:08.02\00:32:10.36
and the Bible being studied,
00:32:10.39\00:32:14.00
God began to
bring all the stuff up
00:32:14.03\00:32:15.70
in my heart and life.
00:32:15.73\00:32:18.40
And I started realizing
00:32:18.43\00:32:19.77
that there was a
lot of stuff in my life
00:32:19.80\00:32:21.64
that I had not
surrendered to God.
00:32:21.67\00:32:26.17
And I really felt that God
tell me that now is the time.
00:32:26.21\00:32:31.28
Either I could choose
to walk with him completely
00:32:31.31\00:32:33.88
or I could walk away
and go do my own thing.
00:32:33.92\00:32:36.72
But at this point I
knew that I couldn't do that.
00:32:36.75\00:32:40.22
So as I came to
this point in my life
00:32:47.10\00:32:48.96
where I knew I had to decide,
00:32:49.00\00:32:50.33
I knew what my
decision would be.
00:32:50.37\00:32:53.60
But I also knew that,
I knew there was no way
00:32:53.64\00:32:55.40
I could walk away from God
00:32:55.44\00:32:57.77
and I knew where
that would take me.
00:32:57.81\00:32:59.67
But honestly, I
wanted to put off my decision
00:32:59.71\00:33:02.14
and do the halfway thing
00:33:02.18\00:33:04.41
until I completed
all that I wanted to do.
00:33:04.45\00:33:09.38
But God was telling me that
00:33:09.42\00:33:10.75
now is the time to
choose Him completely,
00:33:10.79\00:33:13.02
and I was honestly
really mad about it.
00:33:13.05\00:33:16.22
There was this loop of road
00:33:16.26\00:33:19.13
that went
through the rice fields.
00:33:19.16\00:33:22.23
And every day on our breaks
00:33:22.26\00:33:24.03
as I was struggling through this
00:33:24.07\00:33:25.40
I would take off and I would
power walk around this loop,
00:33:25.43\00:33:30.51
and I would be so
frustrated with God
00:33:30.54\00:33:32.24
and I would just spout on it,
00:33:32.27\00:33:33.61
at him the whole way around,
00:33:33.64\00:33:35.38
about how this was so unfair.
00:33:35.41\00:33:37.45
And then as it went
around it again and again,
00:33:37.48\00:33:39.48
he'd be speaking to my heart
00:33:39.51\00:33:40.85
and my heart was
softened a little bit more.
00:33:40.88\00:33:42.72
And it was
probably about three days
00:33:45.79\00:33:48.42
that I was
struggling through this
00:33:48.46\00:33:50.73
and I was at point I
was completely miserable
00:33:50.76\00:33:53.66
and I was tired of
fighting God with it.
00:33:53.70\00:33:55.56
And I hadn't had
a moment of peace
00:33:55.60\00:33:57.27
since he brought
this up in my heart.
00:33:57.30\00:33:59.83
So finally, I told him
that he could have all of me
00:33:59.87\00:34:03.44
and that included my hopes,
and my plans, and my dreams.
00:34:03.47\00:34:09.01
Honestly, I really think that
00:34:09.04\00:34:11.21
I thought my life
was completely over,
00:34:11.25\00:34:14.72
but the piece I
felt was incredible
00:34:14.75\00:34:16.58
and very worth it.
00:34:16.62\00:34:19.62
A couple months after that,
I was back down on the border
00:34:19.65\00:34:23.16
and I was doing
medical work again.
00:34:23.19\00:34:25.46
But for the first time my
heart was completely there.
00:34:25.49\00:34:30.30
I had really accepted
00:34:30.33\00:34:31.87
that until God move me
this was his plan for my life
00:34:31.90\00:34:36.24
and where he wanted me.
00:34:36.27\00:34:38.57
One evening a friend
walked into the house
00:34:38.61\00:34:40.98
and asked me if we would
be willing to take a baby.
00:34:41.01\00:34:45.68
And so, of course, I
immediately wanted to know
00:34:45.71\00:34:49.75
what the situation was,
00:34:49.78\00:34:51.12
why the parents
couldn't care for it?
00:34:51.15\00:34:54.26
And he said that
they didn't have milk.
00:34:54.29\00:34:58.49
So obviously, the solution to me
00:34:58.53\00:35:00.10
seemed to be
that it be much better
00:35:00.13\00:35:01.56
to keep the
baby with the parents
00:35:01.60\00:35:03.00
if at all possible,
00:35:03.03\00:35:05.20
and simply help provide milk
00:35:05.23\00:35:07.90
if that was
really what they needed.
00:35:07.94\00:35:09.47
So I grabbed a box of formula
00:35:09.50\00:35:11.87
and I headed off
with a few villagers
00:35:11.91\00:35:15.04
to check the situation out.
00:35:15.08\00:35:18.01
And along the way
00:35:18.05\00:35:19.38
they all of a sudden informed me
00:35:19.41\00:35:20.92
that it wasn't
just one baby but twins.
00:35:20.95\00:35:25.49
We arrived and I don't even know
00:35:25.52\00:35:28.26
how to describe the shock
of seeing those little ones.
00:35:28.29\00:35:32.66
They had been born
two months premature,
00:35:32.69\00:35:35.10
but at this point they were
already at least one month old.
00:35:35.13\00:35:40.94
It was just like
looking at those pictures
00:35:40.97\00:35:43.27
you see of
starving kids in Africa.
00:35:43.30\00:35:47.08
Each one of, each of
them was just a couple pounds
00:35:47.11\00:35:49.34
and I could pretty
much completely cover them
00:35:49.38\00:35:50.91
with my hand.
00:35:50.95\00:35:52.28
Their bones poking out
00:35:52.31\00:35:53.65
all over their body
and dirt all over them,
00:35:53.68\00:35:55.88
and their skin was
just in horrible condition,
00:35:55.92\00:35:57.92
it was just, it was horrific.
00:35:57.95\00:36:01.42
And that I realize
that they were about to die
00:36:01.46\00:36:04.86
and obviously, you know,
00:36:04.89\00:36:06.29
we had to at least
get them to hospital,
00:36:06.33\00:36:08.33
but the parents very
candidly told me that,
00:36:08.36\00:36:12.67
they didn't want them
00:36:12.70\00:36:14.04
and that they
were giving them to me.
00:36:14.07\00:36:16.91
Now, it's easy
for us to just wonder
00:36:16.94\00:36:19.54
how parents could
possibly be so heartless.
00:36:19.57\00:36:23.14
But you need to
understand the poverty
00:36:23.18\00:36:26.41
and the
superstition and the ignorance
00:36:26.45\00:36:29.08
that they live with.
00:36:29.12\00:36:31.72
And in the current
culture they have a belief
00:36:31.75\00:36:35.32
that if you have
twins, one of them will die.
00:36:35.36\00:36:37.66
So honestly, I
believe they were just waiting
00:36:37.69\00:36:39.26
for the inevitable to happen.
00:36:39.29\00:36:41.16
So we got to the
hospital and the doctor asked me
00:36:44.63\00:36:47.64
what the mother's name was?
00:36:47.67\00:36:50.47
And in the shock of the moment
00:36:50.51\00:36:54.91
there I hadn't
even thought to ask,
00:36:54.94\00:36:56.75
so I had no idea.
00:36:56.78\00:36:58.11
But the doctor said that
00:36:58.15\00:36:59.48
they had to have a
mother's name on record,
00:36:59.51\00:37:00.95
so they were like,
"Can we put yours down?"
00:37:00.98\00:37:03.75
And I don't know what
else to say, so I said, "Yes."
00:37:03.79\00:37:10.53
In the Thai
hospital system they have,
00:37:10.56\00:37:14.36
the nurses don't really do
00:37:14.40\00:37:15.73
what nurses do
here in the States,
00:37:15.76\00:37:17.10
they pretty much
just hand out pills
00:37:17.13\00:37:18.57
and give, I mean IV meds.
00:37:18.60\00:37:22.10
And so in order to have
somebody stay in the hospital
00:37:22.14\00:37:26.07
you have to bring
a caretaker for them.
00:37:26.11\00:37:29.68
So I stayed on a little cot
00:37:29.71\00:37:31.91
between their
incubators for about that week.
00:37:31.95\00:37:36.15
And it was a couple days
later that it really hit me
00:37:36.18\00:37:39.55
that I had two tiny
and very sick little boys
00:37:39.59\00:37:44.19
that the hospital
staffs were calling my sons.
00:37:44.23\00:37:47.30
And there was no way
00:37:47.33\00:37:48.66
that I could just
abandon these little ones too.
00:37:48.70\00:37:52.47
Both of them were
wearing these ID bracelets
00:37:52.50\00:37:55.14
that just said
Maria's baby number one,
00:37:55.17\00:37:58.01
and Maria's baby number two.
00:37:58.04\00:38:00.11
And anyways, we
joked around for a couple,
00:38:00.14\00:38:04.38
for a bit just naming going
with the biblical hus and bus
00:38:04.41\00:38:07.78
for names but I
named them Jabez and Isaac.
00:38:07.82\00:38:12.45
Jabez had a
pressure sore on his back
00:38:12.49\00:38:14.92
that was about
an inch in diameter
00:38:14.96\00:38:16.56
and almost went
into the backbone.
00:38:16.59\00:38:18.43
And so, initially we had thought
00:38:18.46\00:38:20.30
he was in the worst condition
and we weren't sure you know,
00:38:20.33\00:38:24.53
what the chances
of him making it were.
00:38:24.57\00:38:27.34
But it wasn't very
long till Isaac instead
00:38:27.37\00:38:30.67
who we thought
was the healthiest one
00:38:30.71\00:38:33.17
got sepsis and pneumonia
and started going downhill
00:38:33.21\00:38:38.38
and had to be
transferred to a larger pick you
00:38:38.41\00:38:41.22
at another hospital.
00:38:41.25\00:38:42.58
And the doctors
there told me that
00:38:47.02\00:38:48.72
if he made it through the day
00:38:48.76\00:38:50.43
that he would
possibly have a chance.
00:38:50.46\00:38:54.33
By these points I had
completely fallen in love
00:38:54.36\00:38:57.00
with both of those little boys.
00:38:57.03\00:38:59.57
And so, I paced back and forth
00:38:59.60\00:39:01.54
beside his
incubator all day long
00:39:01.57\00:39:04.11
and just pleaded in pleaded
with God for his little life.
00:39:04.14\00:39:08.18
And even when they were
doing repeated rounds of CPR,
00:39:11.21\00:39:15.08
I still just
couldn't, I couldn't give up.
00:39:15.12\00:39:17.85
I kept telling God that I knew
he could still work a miracle.
00:39:17.89\00:39:22.19
And finally, they shoved
a piece of paper in my face
00:39:22.22\00:39:24.99
and said, "We need you to
sign for your son's body."
00:39:25.03\00:39:28.73
And at that point I
just feel completely broken.
00:39:28.76\00:39:32.43
I've given my heart away
to both of these little boys,
00:39:32.47\00:39:35.10
and I completely
believe that God would work
00:39:35.14\00:39:37.01
and make a miracle out of
both of their little lives.
00:39:37.04\00:39:40.21
And I could not
understand any of it.
00:39:40.24\00:39:45.11
I went outside and it was dark
00:39:45.15\00:39:47.42
and I must have paced out there
in the dark for another hour.
00:39:47.45\00:39:51.55
And the only
thing I knew right then
00:39:51.59\00:39:53.96
was that there was
another baby alone in a ward
00:39:53.99\00:39:56.62
on the other
end of the hospital.
00:39:56.66\00:39:59.59
Honestly, right then
what I really wanted to do
00:39:59.63\00:40:02.23
was run away and try to forget
00:40:02.26\00:40:04.57
about caring for
anybody and anything.
00:40:04.60\00:40:09.74
But I knew that that little baby
00:40:09.77\00:40:11.61
didn't have anybody else
00:40:11.64\00:40:13.17
and I knew that
no matter what I felt
00:40:13.21\00:40:15.08
I couldn't do that.
00:40:15.11\00:40:17.48
It was a really
difficult few weeks.
00:40:17.51\00:40:20.42
Jabez was hanging in there
00:40:20.45\00:40:22.05
but the doctors didn't
want to give me any hope for him
00:40:22.08\00:40:27.19
or at least not very much hope,
00:40:27.22\00:40:28.72
and the medical care
was often extremely poor.
00:40:28.76\00:40:31.29
Honestly, through that time
00:40:34.50\00:40:35.83
I didn't talk to God
for a week after Isaac died
00:40:35.86\00:40:38.33
and I didn't open my Bible.
00:40:38.37\00:40:41.90
Even though I
given my life to God
00:40:41.94\00:40:44.07
and committed
to working for him,
00:40:44.11\00:40:45.87
I never really dealt with
all my questions and bitterness.
00:40:45.91\00:40:50.45
I pretty much just
pushed it under a rug.
00:40:50.48\00:40:54.28
Isaac's death drudge
back up those feelings for me
00:40:54.32\00:40:57.09
and I really felt like
00:40:57.12\00:41:00.29
God had completely blown
and broken my trust again.
00:41:00.32\00:41:05.19
And here, I reached
the point where God told me
00:41:05.23\00:41:08.16
that I needed to
make my decision.
00:41:08.20\00:41:09.80
I could hang on to my
bitterness in questions
00:41:10.23\00:41:13.13
or I could accept that
the answers to my questions
00:41:13.17\00:41:15.67
lay only in the heart of God
00:41:15.70\00:41:17.04
and I could choose
to trust him with that.
00:41:17.07\00:41:20.78
I had a choice to make,
00:41:20.81\00:41:22.14
I could go back
to where I came from
00:41:22.18\00:41:24.81
or I could choose to trust God
00:41:24.85\00:41:26.45
even though I
couldn't understand it.
00:41:26.48\00:41:30.42
And I told God
that I would trust him
00:41:30.45\00:41:32.62
no matter what he
allowed in my life.
00:41:32.65\00:41:36.73
And this is, I don't have time
to share more in detail today
00:41:36.76\00:41:40.36
but this is a lesson that
God has had to bring me back
00:41:40.40\00:41:42.60
through several more times.
00:41:42.63\00:41:44.63
And each time Satan
has been right there
00:41:44.67\00:41:47.04
to whisper those doubts
and questions in my ear again,
00:41:47.07\00:41:49.80
and place that bitterness
right back in my heart.
00:41:49.84\00:41:52.81
And each time I've
had that same decision
00:41:52.84\00:41:54.91
to make all over again.
00:41:54.94\00:41:58.35
And by God's grace,
00:41:58.38\00:41:59.71
each time he has
given me the strength
00:41:59.75\00:42:01.28
to choose to trust him.
00:42:01.32\00:42:04.35
But becoming a single
mom or even a mom at all
00:42:04.39\00:42:08.46
was not in the
plan I had for myself.
00:42:08.49\00:42:12.03
But God did a lot of
work in my life through that.
00:42:12.06\00:42:14.63
I believe in many ways
00:42:14.66\00:42:16.13
that God brought
Jabez into my life
00:42:16.16\00:42:17.80
for my own salvation.
00:42:17.83\00:42:21.04
And more than anything else,
00:42:21.07\00:42:22.40
motherhood has
brought into my life
00:42:22.44\00:42:23.91
a glaring need for faithfulness
in all areas of my life.
00:42:23.94\00:42:26.94
By this point, God
had done so much for me
00:42:32.68\00:42:35.48
and done in a
credible work in my life,
00:42:35.52\00:42:38.15
but the one
thing I never saw him
00:42:38.19\00:42:39.79
changing was me being single.
00:42:39.82\00:42:42.76
And honestly, I really
didn't want to get married
00:42:42.79\00:42:46.13
I'd had, my whole life I'd
had a really cynical outlook
00:42:46.16\00:42:48.96
on marriage.
00:42:49.00\00:42:50.80
I don't want to make it sound
00:42:50.83\00:42:52.17
like all the
marriages around me were bad
00:42:52.20\00:42:54.57
because I know there
was many that weren't.
00:42:54.60\00:42:57.54
But I just seen so many
negative examples of marriage
00:42:57.57\00:43:00.28
or at least that's
what I had focused on.
00:43:00.31\00:43:03.28
And I was convinced
that pretty much inevitably
00:43:03.31\00:43:07.02
it was all downhill
after the honeymoon.
00:43:07.05\00:43:09.12
So I had pretty
much just said that
00:43:10.35\00:43:13.12
I would I never
wanted to get married,
00:43:13.15\00:43:15.09
and I wasn't willing
to trust anyone that much.
00:43:15.12\00:43:17.89
The initial romance
wasn't worth it to me.
00:43:17.93\00:43:22.13
It would inevitably bring
pain and heartbreak in the end.
00:43:22.16\00:43:27.50
After a couple of
years of having Jabez though
00:43:27.54\00:43:30.14
my resolves started to
break down just a little bit
00:43:30.17\00:43:33.58
as I did really want him
to some way have a daddy.
00:43:33.61\00:43:36.14
One day I was praying and God,
00:43:38.61\00:43:42.58
I just thought that
God asked me to pray
00:43:42.62\00:43:44.49
for my future husband.
00:43:44.52\00:43:46.15
And so I argued
about it for a while
00:43:46.19\00:43:49.32
and, but finally it
seemed like a really silly thing
00:43:49.36\00:43:52.53
to hang on to,
00:43:52.56\00:43:53.90
so I proceeded to
write out this prayer
00:43:53.93\00:43:56.80
for my future husband.
00:43:56.83\00:43:58.17
I honestly can't say
00:43:58.20\00:44:00.50
that I was completely faithful
with praying for him after that
00:44:00.54\00:44:04.07
but it did signal a
change in my heart and life,
00:44:04.11\00:44:08.58
in my heart with that.
00:44:08.61\00:44:11.85
And it was just a
few months after that,
00:44:11.88\00:44:14.48
that Jordan
showed up in Thailand.
00:44:14.52\00:44:17.72
He was a paramedic
00:44:17.75\00:44:19.09
and he was there to
volunteer for the summer
00:44:19.12\00:44:22.12
and we ended up doing a
lot of medical work together.
00:44:22.16\00:44:27.60
And asked, we work
together closely for a while.
00:44:27.63\00:44:31.10
I began to realize that this
was a man I really respected
00:44:31.13\00:44:34.44
and we had an
awful lot in common.
00:44:34.47\00:44:37.84
As far as I was
concerned though,
00:44:37.87\00:44:39.77
I didn't really think
that they would ever be a man
00:44:39.81\00:44:41.61
who would take not only a girl
that was committed to a country
00:44:41.64\00:44:44.95
but also her child as his own.
00:44:44.98\00:44:48.88
So I really didn't
want to think of him
00:44:48.92\00:44:50.45
as anything more
than a good casual friend.
00:44:50.49\00:44:54.72
But I really didn't
need to worry about Jabez.
00:44:54.76\00:44:57.43
By this point,
00:44:57.46\00:44:59.69
Jordan had really
proven himself with him,
00:44:59.73\00:45:01.90
and he was honestly probably
better friends with Jabez
00:45:02.23\00:45:04.43
than he was with me,
00:45:04.47\00:45:05.80
and if there was one way to
my heart that was really it.
00:45:05.83\00:45:07.54
And what really clinched
00:45:10.57\00:45:14.68
was when Jabez
threw up all over him
00:45:14.71\00:45:17.25
and he just laughed.
00:45:17.28\00:45:21.45
But I was still completely gone,
00:45:21.48\00:45:23.79
completely going with
the good casual friend thing.
00:45:23.82\00:45:26.42
But I was completely oblivious
00:45:30.09\00:45:31.46
to what was God was doing
in Jordan's heart at the time.
00:45:31.49\00:45:35.60
At the end of that
summer Jordan left,
00:45:35.63\00:45:37.10
return to the
States for nursing school,
00:45:37.13\00:45:38.97
and at that point
neither of us had any clue
00:45:39.00\00:45:40.84
of any interest
on the other's part.
00:45:40.87\00:45:44.94
But a couple months after that
00:45:44.97\00:45:46.81
Jordan called and
talked to my parents
00:45:46.84\00:45:48.44
and asked for their blessing
on a relationship with me.
00:45:48.48\00:45:53.98
It was really beautiful
to see God work in our lives
00:45:54.02\00:45:56.99
as we fell in love.
00:45:57.02\00:45:59.65
And that next year
Jordan brought me up
00:45:59.69\00:46:01.19
on a rainy bike ride
to a mountain overlook
00:46:01.22\00:46:03.56
that was really
special to both of us
00:46:03.59\00:46:05.19
and asked me to marry him.
00:46:05.23\00:46:07.50
And of course, I said, "Yes."
00:46:07.53\00:46:11.83
Just the couple of
months before our wedding
00:46:11.87\00:46:14.17
we both fell in
love again though.
00:46:15.90\00:46:18.37
But this time it
was to another premature
00:46:18.41\00:46:20.38
and abandoned baby boy.
00:46:20.41\00:46:23.61
We both complete,
we both agreed that
00:46:23.65\00:46:27.02
we didn't think it
was a good idea for us
00:46:27.05\00:46:28.78
to adopt again at least
anytime in the near future
00:46:28.82\00:46:31.35
because of the
complicated situation
00:46:31.39\00:46:33.52
with Jabez's adoption.
00:46:33.56\00:46:36.69
But once again God
really demonstrated
00:46:36.73\00:46:39.13
that our plans for our
lives are not always his plans.
00:46:39.16\00:46:42.90
So one month before our wedding
00:46:42.93\00:46:44.50
I brought our
little Jessie Asher home.
00:46:44.53\00:46:49.40
It was almost every love story
00:46:49.44\00:46:52.04
ends with either the
proposal or the wedding
00:46:52.07\00:46:55.48
and that's a little
bit of a pet peeve of mine,
00:46:55.51\00:46:58.31
so I really don't
want to end there today.
00:46:58.35\00:47:02.62
I was talking to
Jordan a few months ago
00:47:02.65\00:47:04.89
and asking him
00:47:04.92\00:47:06.25
if there's anything
specific he wanted me to share
00:47:06.29\00:47:08.49
about our love story,
00:47:08.59\00:47:11.06
and he just asked
me to tell you all
00:47:11.09\00:47:13.26
that marriage is awesome.
00:47:13.29\00:47:15.46
I'm not saying that to
lift us or our marriage up,
00:47:15.50\00:47:19.43
we're both
unfortunately, very real people
00:47:19.47\00:47:22.87
and we have struggles
00:47:22.90\00:47:24.24
and things that we
need to talk through,
00:47:24.27\00:47:27.84
and ask forgiveness for.
00:47:27.88\00:47:29.44
But I'm saying this
00:47:29.48\00:47:30.81
because I believe that there is
a lot of young people out there
00:47:30.85\00:47:33.92
who need
encouragement in this area.
00:47:33.95\00:47:37.52
And I just want to tell
any other sceptic out there,
00:47:37.55\00:47:40.76
I know I haven't
been married for a long
00:47:40.79\00:47:42.22
and may be I don't have
a right to say this yet,
00:47:42.26\00:47:45.23
but at this point
there is no doubt in my mind
00:47:45.26\00:47:47.83
that amazing
marriage is possible
00:47:47.86\00:47:49.50
by the grace of God.
00:47:49.53\00:47:50.87
Amen.
00:47:50.90\00:47:52.53
And we don't have
a perfect marriage
00:47:52.57\00:47:55.54
but by the grace of God
we do have a victorious one.
00:47:55.57\00:47:58.14
Amen.
00:47:58.17\00:47:59.51
Right now,
00:48:02.74\00:48:04.08
I'm not doing anything
close to what my dreams were.
00:48:04.11\00:48:08.28
I'm actually pretty
much living the exact life
00:48:08.32\00:48:11.09
that I vowed I never would.
00:48:11.12\00:48:14.69
And Jordan and I aren't
even doing any of the things
00:48:14.72\00:48:17.86
we dreamed of doing
together before our marriage.
00:48:17.89\00:48:22.70
We both felt that
we would serve God best
00:48:22.73\00:48:24.80
by continuing to do medical
missionary work together.
00:48:24.83\00:48:29.27
But God is also
lead us away from that
00:48:29.30\00:48:31.11
for the time being right now.
00:48:31.14\00:48:33.84
But the one thing that
00:48:33.88\00:48:35.31
God has brought me
back to time and time again
00:48:35.34\00:48:37.88
is that the way he
plans our lives is perfect.
00:48:37.91\00:48:41.88
And he completely,
00:48:41.92\00:48:43.55
he plans my life in a
way that I never could.
00:48:43.59\00:48:47.59
Right now, as
you've probably picked up,
00:48:47.62\00:48:50.96
a large part of my
life is being a mom
00:48:50.99\00:48:52.69
to our now three little boys.
00:48:52.73\00:48:56.46
And despite the
fact that I love my life,
00:48:56.50\00:49:00.97
through the last several years
00:49:01.00\00:49:03.27
I really struggled with the idea
00:49:03.30\00:49:04.97
that I'm just a mom now.
00:49:05.01\00:49:08.48
I've been so thankful
00:49:08.51\00:49:09.84
for the way that
God has brought me,
00:49:09.88\00:49:12.61
but honestly sometimes
00:49:12.65\00:49:14.58
it's been very tempting for me
00:49:14.62\00:49:15.95
to feel like I've stepped
out of real mission work,
00:49:15.98\00:49:18.42
like, I'm less of a missionary
by just being a wife and mom.
00:49:18.45\00:49:22.96
But through this struggle,
00:49:22.99\00:49:24.33
God has really been
growing in me a passion
00:49:24.36\00:49:26.43
for the mission of motherhood
00:49:26.46\00:49:27.80
and the mission
work that is needed
00:49:27.83\00:49:29.16
right in my very own home.
00:49:29.20\00:49:32.20
And he's really been
giving me the awareness
00:49:32.23\00:49:35.90
that I've been given
the privilege of helping
00:49:35.94\00:49:39.47
to form the character
for a future generation.
00:49:39.51\00:49:43.11
Now, I know this is GYC
00:49:43.14\00:49:44.78
and it probably seems
very out of place for me
00:49:44.81\00:49:47.98
to say anything to
other moms out there.
00:49:48.02\00:49:50.59
But I know there's a
few here, and I also know
00:49:50.62\00:49:54.39
that there's a whole lot
of future young moms here,
00:49:54.42\00:49:57.16
so may be keep this in mind.
00:49:57.19\00:49:59.53
But anyways,
00:49:59.56\00:50:02.06
this quote is
from Adventists home
00:50:02.10\00:50:03.93
and it's one that
has really encouraged me
00:50:03.97\00:50:05.90
and I would just
like to put this in here,
00:50:05.93\00:50:07.50
if you don't mind.
00:50:07.54\00:50:10.01
"If married men
go into the work,
00:50:10.04\00:50:11.57
leaving their wives to
care for the children at home,
00:50:11.61\00:50:13.68
the wife and mother
is doing fully as great
00:50:13.71\00:50:15.34
and important a work
as the husband and father.
00:50:15.38\00:50:17.35
Although one is in
the missionary field,
00:50:17.88\00:50:19.78
the other is a home missionary,
00:50:19.81\00:50:21.62
whose cares and
anxieties and burdens
00:50:21.65\00:50:23.55
frequently far exceed
those of the husband and father.
00:50:23.59\00:50:27.66
Her work is a
solemn and important one.
00:50:27.69\00:50:30.03
The husband in the
open missionary field
00:50:30.06\00:50:31.89
may receive the honours of men,
00:50:31.93\00:50:33.76
while the home toiler
may receive no earthly credit
00:50:33.80\00:50:36.26
for her labour.
00:50:36.30\00:50:37.63
But if she works for the
best interest of her family,
00:50:37.67\00:50:39.93
seeking to
fashion their characters
00:50:40.27\00:50:41.94
after the divine Model,
00:50:41.97\00:50:43.30
the recording
angel writes her name
00:50:44.41\00:50:46.14
as one of the greatest
missionaries in the world.
00:50:46.17\00:50:48.74
God does not see things
00:50:48.78\00:50:50.11
as man's finite
vision views them."
00:50:50.15\00:50:52.91
And I'm not saying this to
just be up here saying that,
00:50:52.95\00:50:56.69
oh, mother's work is
just as great as men's
00:50:56.72\00:50:59.29
or greater, that's
not my point at all.
00:50:59.32\00:51:02.72
But I would just
really like to encourage
00:51:02.76\00:51:06.80
any other mother out there
that might be here at this GYC
00:51:06.83\00:51:09.80
and just be hearing
all these message, messages
00:51:09.83\00:51:11.93
and may possibly
struggling with feeling
00:51:11.97\00:51:15.27
like they wish
they could be out there
00:51:15.30\00:51:18.47
to a greater extent
as well working for God.
00:51:18.51\00:51:22.51
And also, that's from
Adventist home Chapter 38,
00:51:22.54\00:51:26.51
and I really encourage you
to go read the whole chapter,
00:51:26.55\00:51:28.68
there's some incredible
encouragement in there.
00:51:28.72\00:51:32.29
So I just wanted to throw that
random little tit-bit in there,
00:51:32.32\00:51:35.36
specifically for any mom
00:51:35.39\00:51:36.93
who's struggling
with her place in life.
00:51:36.96\00:51:38.89
But I also want to
speak to the rest of you
00:51:38.93\00:51:41.96
who may be feel
00:51:42.00\00:51:43.33
like you're in a unimportant
stage of life right now.
00:51:43.37\00:51:46.84
I'm just talking to
you from where I am today
00:51:50.41\00:51:52.74
and I believe
many of you can relate.
00:51:52.77\00:51:55.54
The thing is that so many of us
00:51:55.58\00:51:58.11
have these big great things
we want to do in our lifetime,
00:51:58.15\00:52:03.22
and then we're not quite sure
00:52:03.25\00:52:05.05
why God hasn't
allowed all that greatness
00:52:05.09\00:52:07.16
to manifest itself yet.
00:52:07.19\00:52:10.59
How many of you
are either in school
00:52:10.63\00:52:12.73
or working or
still living at home?
00:52:12.76\00:52:14.86
How many of you
consider yourself
00:52:18.23\00:52:19.83
to be in a simple place of
life right now at this moment?
00:52:19.87\00:52:22.97
This quote is for you,
00:52:26.31\00:52:28.34
it's one I heard
several months ago,
00:52:28.38\00:52:29.84
and it's really stuck with me.
00:52:29.88\00:52:31.91
"If God doesn't
rule your mundane
00:52:31.95\00:52:33.72
then he doesn't rule you
00:52:33.75\00:52:35.12
because that's where you live."
00:52:35.15\00:52:39.15
May be you're still
living in your parents' house
00:52:39.19\00:52:41.36
and it doesn't feel
like there's anything big
00:52:41.39\00:52:42.96
or great happening in your life.
00:52:42.99\00:52:46.26
And often,
00:52:46.29\00:52:48.83
the simple life
you live in your home
00:52:48.86\00:52:50.67
is the hardest one
00:52:50.70\00:52:52.03
to live
patiently and faithfully.
00:52:52.07\00:52:54.94
I think often we either
consciously or unconsciously
00:52:54.97\00:52:58.47
feel that our homes
are just a waiting place,
00:52:59.67\00:53:03.55
waiting to go to something big,
waiting for real life to start.
00:53:03.58\00:53:08.28
And our family
members tend to have a knack
00:53:08.32\00:53:11.99
for getting under our
skin like nobody else can.
00:53:12.02\00:53:18.09
But I really, I love
the song Hidden Valley,
00:53:18.13\00:53:20.73
so I don't know if anybody
else is familiar with that song.
00:53:20.76\00:53:23.10
But the chorus goes,
00:53:23.13\00:53:24.47
Hidden valleys
produce a life song
00:53:24.50\00:53:26.63
Hidden valleys
will make a heart strong
00:53:26.67\00:53:29.40
Desperation can
cause you to sing
00:53:29.44\00:53:31.91
Hidden Valley turn
shepherds to kings.
00:53:31.94\00:53:35.81
I want to challenge you
00:53:35.84\00:53:37.18
to not wait till something
big is happening in your life
00:53:37.21\00:53:39.91
to live faithfully.
00:53:39.95\00:53:41.88
God will truly bless you
00:53:41.92\00:53:43.25
as you develop faithfulness
in these small places.
00:53:43.28\00:53:48.06
You know, when I
was thinking and praying
00:53:48.09\00:53:51.23
about what I was supposed
to share with you today,
00:53:51.26\00:53:55.46
I found myself
just for a little while
00:53:55.50\00:53:58.03
really wishing that my
story had been different.
00:53:58.07\00:54:01.64
I was wishing that
I could get up here
00:54:01.67\00:54:03.71
and inspire you with a
story of my faithful living.
00:54:03.74\00:54:07.98
How God had placed
this huge part in my heart
00:54:08.01\00:54:10.15
for the mission field
and how I gave up everything
00:54:10.18\00:54:12.21
and went, and how God had done
this amazing work in my life.
00:54:12.25\00:54:15.32
I felt like if that
was my story then I could--
00:54:16.12\00:54:21.92
then I could get up here
00:54:21.96\00:54:23.29
and inspire you with
the great commission.
00:54:23.32\00:54:25.79
I thought of all
the missionaries I know
00:54:25.83\00:54:27.93
who have arrived
in the mission field
00:54:27.96\00:54:29.30
all glowing on
fire to do God's work,
00:54:29.33\00:54:31.80
and I felt, I
thought of all of them
00:54:31.83\00:54:34.17
and how much better equipped
00:54:34.20\00:54:35.64
I thought each of
them would be to be up here
00:54:35.67\00:54:37.37
and share with you their story.
00:54:37.41\00:54:40.94
But that's not my story.
00:54:40.98\00:54:43.91
God took me a different route
00:54:43.95\00:54:45.28
and he's slowly
and gently changed
00:54:45.31\00:54:47.05
a struggling
rebellious girl's heart
00:54:47.08\00:54:49.62
and he has turned it towards him
00:54:49.65\00:54:52.12
and a desire for
sharing his gospel.
00:54:52.15\00:54:55.39
And I can't get up here
00:54:55.42\00:54:56.76
and tell you all
about my goodness,
00:54:56.79\00:54:58.36
and my obedience,
and my faithfulness,
00:54:58.39\00:55:00.53
faithful mission service.
00:55:00.56\00:55:04.07
But what I can tell you today
is that I'm a normal person,
00:55:04.10\00:55:08.14
I am not some
missionary super hero.
00:55:08.17\00:55:11.67
And I can tell
you about the work
00:55:11.71\00:55:13.21
that God's done in my life,
00:55:13.24\00:55:17.68
in a very
imperfect girl's heart.
00:55:17.71\00:55:20.78
I just want to say that
God still working on me.
00:55:20.82\00:55:23.69
I've not reach
some level of perfection
00:55:23.72\00:55:25.49
the to be able to be up
here and share with you at GYC.
00:55:25.52\00:55:29.19
You have no idea of
the struggle that I faced
00:55:29.22\00:55:32.33
with the reality
of GYC looming up
00:55:32.36\00:55:34.50
and that I would need
to share my story with you,
00:55:34.53\00:55:37.13
and I just felt
so insignificant,
00:55:37.60\00:55:39.73
and imperfect, and unworthy.
00:55:39.77\00:55:43.14
But God is still working in
me and he's not finished yet.
00:55:43.17\00:55:45.67
And I believe that,
00:55:45.71\00:55:47.04
I have a greater
story to tell you all
00:55:47.08\00:55:50.15
because of my
imperfections and failings.
00:55:50.18\00:55:53.42
And because I also
have a greater story
00:55:53.45\00:55:55.18
of God's faithfulness to me
00:55:55.22\00:55:56.55
and all that he
has done in my life.
00:55:56.58\00:55:58.09
The three big passions
God has on my heart right now
00:56:03.93\00:56:06.70
is contentedness in
the simple place I'm at,
00:56:06.73\00:56:10.30
and faithfulness
in my daily living,
00:56:10.33\00:56:12.53
and, but most of all
00:56:12.57\00:56:14.14
a constant surrender
of my plans and dreams
00:56:14.17\00:56:16.30
in exchange for the plans
and dreams that God has for me.
00:56:16.34\00:56:21.64
And let me tell you
00:56:21.68\00:56:23.01
that's a pretty
incredible exchange,
00:56:23.04\00:56:26.05
and that's a challenge I
really want to end this with.
00:56:26.08\00:56:29.12
When I was
praying and asking God
00:56:29.15\00:56:30.55
about what I was
supposed to share,
00:56:30.59\00:56:32.25
I really felt
00:56:32.29\00:56:34.06
that although my heart is
largely in the mission field
00:56:34.09\00:56:36.42
I was not
supposed to challenge you
00:56:36.66\00:56:38.03
to a commitment to
foreign mission work.
00:56:38.06\00:56:39.89
When Jesus comes back,
he's not going to ask us
00:56:43.77\00:56:46.37
if we went to
Thailand or China or India.
00:56:46.40\00:56:48.94
You know, God's going to ask us,
00:56:50.31\00:56:51.64
"Did you do work
that I called you to do?
00:56:51.67\00:56:53.74
Were you a faithful servant?"
00:56:53.78\00:56:56.75
And I want to be
able to say, "Yes, Lord,
00:56:56.78\00:56:58.58
I was faithful and
all that you asked of me."
00:56:58.61\00:57:02.68
God doesn't need you to
necessarily commit today
00:57:02.72\00:57:04.95
to go to a mission field.
00:57:04.99\00:57:07.59
God wants you to commit today
00:57:07.62\00:57:09.42
to following his
leading wherever he sends you.
00:57:09.46\00:57:13.50
And that might
mean that he sends you
00:57:13.53\00:57:14.86
to Papa New Guinea,
00:57:14.90\00:57:16.26
it might mean
that you're in school,
00:57:16.30\00:57:18.53
it might mean that you're
the CEO of a large company
00:57:18.57\00:57:21.00
or it might mean
00:57:21.04\00:57:22.37
that you're simply
raising your little kids.
00:57:22.40\00:57:25.14
But I want to
challenge you today
00:57:25.17\00:57:27.01
to give up your ideas
00:57:27.04\00:57:28.54
of how you think
you will best serve God,
00:57:28.58\00:57:31.68
to give your hopes, your
plans, your dreams to God.
00:57:31.71\00:57:37.55
As you've heard from my story,
00:57:37.59\00:57:40.79
the issuance of
surrender and trust
00:57:40.82\00:57:43.16
has really been a
theme through my life.
00:57:43.19\00:57:46.16
And I look back on the
moment when I finally chose
00:57:46.19\00:57:49.23
to completely give
all my plans to God
00:57:49.26\00:57:51.93
as being a
pivotal point in my life.
00:57:51.97\00:57:55.90
My favourite text
ever is John 10:10,
00:57:55.94\00:57:58.47
"I am come that
they may have life
00:57:58.51\00:58:00.38
and that they may
have it abundantly."
00:58:00.41\00:58:03.98
God came to this earth
not just to give you life,
00:58:04.01\00:58:06.08
but to give you abundant life.
00:58:06.11\00:58:09.68
How can you not
choose to trust a God
00:58:09.72\00:58:12.42
that wants to give
you an abundant life?
00:58:12.45\00:58:16.19
Today, I want to challenge you
00:58:16.22\00:58:17.79
to make that
choice to trust him.
00:58:17.83\00:58:22.43
And I want to
challenge you specifically too
00:58:22.46\00:58:24.60
if you haven't
already to make some time soon
00:58:24.63\00:58:29.04
to sit down and think
through the plans and dreams
00:58:29.07\00:58:32.31
you have for yourself,
and to give those to God.
00:58:32.34\00:58:38.85
You can trust him with them.
00:58:38.88\00:58:41.95
I can't tell you that
your life will always be easy
00:58:41.98\00:58:45.75
or that it
won't ever be painful.
00:58:45.79\00:58:48.72
But I can promise you
that you will always look back
00:58:48.76\00:58:52.59
and be able to say that
it was completely worth it
00:58:52.63\00:58:55.70
and that life with
Jesus has been sweet.
00:58:55.73\00:58:57.63
Thank you.
00:59:08.11\00:59:09.44