Participants: Magna Parks
Series Code: 13SCM
Program Code: 13SCM000013
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00:30 Well good morning once again.
00:32 And we welcome our host audience and our world-wide audience 00:37 to hour #3 of this morning. We are just prior to lunch 00:41 so in case you are thinking about that it is coming 00:45 but we have 1 more presentation before we allow you to break 00:49 for your mid-day meal, and it comes from Dr. Magna Parks. 00:54 She has been introduced to you previously, 00:56 having spoken before. Was a professor of psychology 01:00 at Oakwood University for a time. 01:03 Holds her Ph. D. in that field 01:05 and is a much-sought-after speaker. 01:09 Plain, practical ministry. Today we're going to be 01:13 dealing with Growth Through Trial. 01:17 And I remember a discussion that I had some time ago 01:21 with another pastor, and the question was: 01:24 What teaches better lessons, success or failure? 01:29 Do we learn more when we succeed? 01:30 Or do we learn more when we fail? 01:34 A necessary part of growth is trial. 01:38 Sometimes we would like to avoid trial, but 01:41 indeed the Lord brings certain trials for our growth. 01:44 And that is what she is going to talk about today. 01:47 So we're very, very pleased to have Dr. Magna Parks 01:51 to bring us this particular presentation. 01:54 Before she speaks our music is coming from 01:58 someone that I had the privilege of baptizing some 28 years ago. 02:04 That's going back a little ways. 02:07 She was a singer in the world 02:09 and making a respectable amount of money doing that. 02:14 But she gave her heart to the Lord 02:16 and brought a number of souls with her. 02:18 I know it was my privilege to baptize her back in 1986. 02:21 I do believe, September. 02:23 Are you going to say how late I was all the time? 02:25 I was not going to say, but since you opened the door... 02:30 I was not going to say that she came to church late 02:33 every single Sabbath... never came to church on time. 02:36 But having said that, she came to church late 02:40 because she went out and brought a number of people 02:42 from the music industry to church with her. 02:44 So in going around to pick them up 02:47 it made her delayed. But what I did like is 02:50 she marched that group of musicians and singers 02:52 down the aisle of the church and sat right on the front row. 02:55 And they opened their books and their Bibles 02:57 and their pens and took notes. 03:01 So when she came to the Lord she went immediately back 03:03 to the entertainment industry to bring others with her. 03:06 And a number of those individuals we baptized 03:08 and are in the church to this day. And one of them, 03:11 Darryl, came here and did an interview at 3ABN. 03:13 So if you're going to be late because you're bringing souls 03:16 with you, then you can be as late as you want. 03:18 But she did get in time for the sermon. 03:20 Usually just about sermon time she would get there. 03:23 And then she hosted a Bible study in her home 03:27 on Friday evening. And that Bible study went 03:29 sometimes to 1... 2 o'clock in the morning 03:31 with these same industry people. 03:33 So it's hard to study the Bible till 1 o'clock and then get up 03:36 real, real early for church on Sabbath. 03:37 So I gave her a pass on that. 03:41 But we have been friends for that time... 03:44 she and her two sons. And now she is here 03:47 at 3ABN and doing just a wonderful job for the Lord. 03:50 Yvonne, what are you going to sing? 03:51 He Still Leads. He Still Leads... Yvonne Lewis. 04:13 When trials and tests 04:17 have come my way, 04:21 when I have failed 04:25 or I have strayed, 04:29 my heart can hope 04:33 for I believe 04:37 that He still leads... 04:41 He leadeth me. 04:46 When daylight fades 04:49 and life is gone, 04:54 when night is long 04:59 and faith is hard, 05:02 I trust in Him 05:06 though I can't see 05:10 for He still leads... 05:14 He leadeth me. 05:19 He still leads... 05:23 with hands extending grace. 05:28 He still leads 05:31 with mercies new each day. 05:36 Whatever comes 05:39 my soul He'll keep. 05:44 For He still leads... 05:48 He leadeth me. 05:58 And when I stand 06:02 on Jordan's shore, 06:06 when death is near 06:10 and life is o'er 06:15 I will not fear 06:19 the waters deep. 06:22 Oh no... for He still leads... 06:27 He leadeth me. 06:31 Oh, He still leads 06:35 with hands extending grace. 06:40 He still leads 06:44 with mercies new each day. 06:48 Whatever comes 06:52 my soul He'll keep. 06:56 For He still leads... 07:00 He leadeth me. 07:05 He leadeth me, 07:09 He leadeth me. 07:13 By His own hand 07:17 Jesus leadeth me. 07:24 His faithful follower 07:29 I would be 07:32 for by His hand 07:36 Jesus leadeth me. 07:41 Yes He still leads... 07:44 by 07:47 saving grace. 07:50 He still leads 07:53 with mercies new each day. 07:58 Whatever comes 08:02 my soul He'll keep. 08:06 For He still leads... 08:11 He leadeth me. 08:18 Oh, He still leads... 08:22 He leadeth 08:27 me. 08:36 Amen. 08:41 Thank you, Yvonne, for that. That was beautiful. 08:44 He leadeth me. 08:45 I was writing down some of the words. 08:46 She says: "I trust Him though I can't see, 08:50 He leadeth me... He still leads. 08:52 Whatever comes my way He leadeth me. " 08:55 Amen? Amen! Thank you so much for that. 08:57 Good morning... no... good afternoon. 09:01 How are you all? Good. 09:03 Good to be back with you. Let's bow our heads for prayer. 09:06 Father, we thank you so much that You lead us 09:09 and we pray that we may always remember this 09:12 no matter what comes our way. 09:14 And as we talk about growth through trials may this theme 09:18 run constantly through our minds and our hearts. 09:20 We pray for Your Holy Spirit to continue to abide in this 09:23 place. In the name of Jesus Your Son we do pray, Amen. 09:28 Amen. Difficulties, trials, adversity. 09:33 Have you heard those words? 09:35 Can you relate to those words? 09:38 If you can't relate, that means you're not still living. 09:41 Only those who are 6' under cannot relate to the words 09:46 difficulties, difficulties, trials. 09:49 Everyone sitting here... I'm sure if I took a mike 09:52 and I went to each one of you you would be able to tell me 09:55 some difficulty that you've been through 09:57 or that you're currently going through now. 09:59 Amen? 10:01 Unfortunately, I always look at things through how 10:04 society teaches us. We're not learning real well 10:08 how to deal with difficulties. 10:10 I mean, that's always been the case 10:12 but it's getting even worse. We have a quick-fix society now. 10:16 You drive up and you order your food. 10:18 You press a button and the TV turns on. 10:21 And I can go on and on with the wonderful things that technology 10:25 has done, but you know what it's done? 10:27 It's conditioned our mind to say: "I can't handle things; 10:31 I want to get it fixed immediately. " 10:33 Right? As a psychologist 10:37 I deal with people and sometimes people call me. 10:40 I'm not in practice any more 10:42 but I do a lot of phone counseling. 10:44 And sometimes people call me 10:45 merely because they're having a hard time dealing with 10:48 their difficulties. I'm glad to be there, brothers and sisters, 10:51 but I'm going to make a confession to you. 10:53 It saddens my heart... I don't know how to say this 10:57 without making people feel bad 10:59 or... but it saddens my heart that Christians 11:02 are having an increasingly- difficult time dealing with 11:06 difficulties that come their way. 11:07 Does that make sense what I'm saying? 11:09 It really does. I have a quote by a psychologist... 11:12 Actually, it was a book written by a psychiatrist 11:15 and a lay person, and listen to the title: 11:18 One Nation Under Therapy. 11:22 And the subtitle is: 11:25 How the Self-Help Movement is Eroding our Strength. 11:30 And it really is happening. 11:32 And in the book they say this: 11:34 "In this era of grief and trauma counseling 11:38 one is tempted to ask how humanity managed to survive 11:44 for thousands of years before its advent. 11:47 In previous years we were more likely to seek solace 11:51 from a priest or a minister or to accept another explanation 11:56 for catastrophe. 11:58 We were once fairly recognized to what could not be changed; 12:04 now we want answers. " 12:06 And there's several things in the book that they talk about 12:09 where they see this self-help movement. 12:11 Sad to say, my people - many of them - pushing people 12:15 to rely too much on human beings for help. 12:18 Now no man is an island so I don't want you leaving here 12:21 thinking that I'm saying: "Don't ever talk to people. " 12:23 Jesus sought for support from His disciples at times, right? 12:28 But what I'm saying is we're becoming too dependent 12:30 on human beings. And as difficulties come our way 12:34 we don't know how to handle them as well. 12:36 And so I've written a book about... This is just an aside. 12:41 If you're interested, in my booth I've written a book 12:42 about the dangers... Some of you have it. 12:45 You stopped by my table and told me. It's called 12:47 Christians Beware: the Dangers of Secular Psychology. 12:49 And I talk about some of the ways that psychology - 12:52 sad to say, secular psychology - how it has had 12:55 a negative impact in some ways. 12:57 And I also have a series that I did at Pastor Bohr's church 13:01 called Mind Games... similar information to the book. 13:04 But psychology has done some good things and in other ways 13:06 has not done some good things. 13:08 Now we have words such as trauma, crisis, 13:12 and we use these words. 13:13 And one things that's connected with the word trauma - 13:16 I'm sure you've heard about this - is post-traumatic 13:19 stress disorder. Have you heard of that? 13:21 Actually that word came about right after the World War 13:24 veterans - World War II veterans - came back 13:27 and we heard about them having shell shock and flashbacks 13:31 and nightmares, and the term post-traumatic stress disorder 13:34 was first applied to them. And then we started to apply it 13:37 to abuse victims and people who were raped 13:39 dealing with all kinds of trauma. 13:41 So it is a real phenomenon and I don't want to minimize 13:46 that at all. I've met people who... they can't sleep 13:49 because they have nightmares of the horrible thing that has 13:51 happened to them. Or they avoid certain places 13:54 because it reminds them of how they were taken advantage of 13:57 and mistreated. 13:58 So I don't want you to at all think I'm minimizing that. 14:01 But today I want to talk about another side to difficulties... 14:05 a side in which we can be helped to become better people 14:09 and better Christians, in fact. 14:11 And the Bible tells us that in many different ways... 14:15 shows us that we can grow from trials in many texts, 14:19 but there's just a few I want to share with you. 14:21 One that we'll look up and see on the screen or you could use 14:23 your Bible to turn to: James chapter 1 verses 2-3. 14:28 A verse that we are familiar with. 14:30 James chapter 1 verses 2 and 3. 14:34 You're familiar with this verse I'm sure. 14:36 You could read it on the screen as well. 14:44 What type of temptations? Divers. 14:46 Do you know what that means? 14:48 Different! When you fall into different temptations... 14:58 You don't feel that way when you're being tried, do you? 15:00 But the end result if we hang in there 15:04 is that "the trying of your faith worketh patience. " 15:08 Another one. Romans chapter 5 and verse 3. 15:12 Romans chapter 5 and verse 3. 15:26 You'll see that as a common theme with these verses. 15:29 The Lord says through different people: "If you hang in there 15:31 and deal with this difficulty it's going to work patience. " 15:35 And it's so interesting to me 'cause I think of the end of the 15:39 three angels' messages. What do they say? 15:41 What does it say? "Here is the... 15:43 patience of the saints. 15:45 Here are they that keep the commandments of God 15:47 and have the faith of Jesus. " But we always think about 15:50 the commandment keeping but what other characteristic 15:54 is going to be shown? Patience. 15:56 And that patience, brothers and sisters, 15:58 is going to be developed by the trials that God is allowing 16:02 to come our way. 16:03 It's something that's simple but profound 16:06 when I started to connect that. 16:08 Another verse: Hebrews 12 verse 11. 16:11 Hebrews 12 verse 11. 16:21 That's real. Nothing seems to be joyous at the time that 16:24 we're going through it. 16:36 We're being trained by these various things 16:39 that are coming our way. 16:41 It's a school... We're in school. Did you know that? 16:43 As we're down here on earth we're actually in school. 16:46 And do you ever graduate from this earthly school? 16:49 Yes she says. Yes, we graduate when Jesus comes and gives us 16:53 instead of our diplomas what? Our crowns! Amen! 16:56 But we're in school and we're being trained. 16:59 I like this quote that I read from the Spirit of Prophecy. 17:02 I just found it this morning. She says: 17:04 "Faith, patience... " Umm, can I read my words? 17:08 "forbearance, heavenly-mindedness, 17:12 trust in your heavenly Father. " 17:14 Listen to why she describes these: 17:16 "are the perfect blossoms 17:20 which mature amidst clouds and disappointments 17:25 and bereavement. " 17:26 So they're flowers that blossom 17:29 amidst clouds, disappointment, and bereavement. 17:33 Now we can benefit from difficulties. 17:37 And finally I always say psychology is hundreds of years 17:41 before the Bible. 17:42 Because in 1995 two psychologists, 17:45 Drs. Tedeschi and Calhoun, 17:47 they came up with the concept called "post-traumatic growth. " 17:53 Have you ever heard that? 17:55 We hear a lot about post-traumatic stress 17:58 but these two psychologists came up with the idea 18:01 of post-traumatic growth. 18:04 It's interesting to see how they're catching up 18:06 with the Bible. And this is what post-traumatic growth... 18:09 You could read the definition on the screen: 18:24 Isn't that something? 18:26 You see why I say psychology is catching up with the Bible? 18:29 Because all the verses we just read and many other 18:31 already told us that. 18:33 But psychologists now realize 18:35 that we can grow as a result of adversity. 18:39 And the interesting thing about this is that 18:42 for them as they looked at this 18:44 the growth occurs with the distress that we feel. 18:48 So because a person is going through something 18:51 and they're growing, it doesn't mean they will not feel fear. 18:54 It doesn't mean they will not feel... I already said fear... 18:58 anxious or worried. That might still be going on, 19:02 but the difference is those emotions are not overriding 19:07 the growth. So you're growing as you're crying. 19:11 You're growing as you're lonely but you're still growing. 19:15 So we're trained to avoid these things, 19:18 and one psychologist said: "If we're only aware 19:22 of the bad consequences of adversity 19:25 we will assume that we should feel bad 19:28 and we can actually end up talk- ing ourselves into depression. 19:32 Because all we are familiar with is: "You know, I've had 19:35 this terrible thing happen and this is what usually happens 19:38 to people who experience this. " 19:40 And that's what we're focusing on. 19:41 And we can actually talk ourself into anxiety 19:44 or into depression. But if we recognize and start 19:47 to understand not only can I experience post-traumatic stress 19:51 but I can experience post-traumatic growth 19:53 that whole process will help you respond differently 19:56 to adversity. Amen? 19:59 Listen to some things that research found that 20:02 people say after they experience post-traumatic growth. 20:05 This is some of the statements they made. 20:08 One person said: "My priorities have changed. " 20:12 Another person said: "I feel closer to my friends and my 20:16 family. " Another person dealing with trauma and dealing with 20:21 growth said: "I understand myself better. " 20:25 And still another person said: 20:27 "I have a new sense of meaning and purpose. " 20:31 These are some statements people made as they did the 20:34 research on post-traumatic growth. 20:37 Now, psychologists have been studying this more and more. 20:40 We understand the old research showed - 20:43 and it's still true to some extent - 20:45 that some people have had such horrible experiences 20:49 when they were younger that they are more sensitive 20:52 to stress when they get older. 20:54 OK... so they're kind of sensitized. 20:56 That explains why one person will have a breakup with 20:59 a boyfriend and decide to try to kill themselves 21:03 whereas another person may have a breakup and not try 21:06 to kill themselves. A lot of times psychologists can 21:08 go back and recognize there are some difficult things 21:11 they've been through so they're more sensitive to stress. 21:14 However, there's some new research that's actually showing 21:18 that people who experience early adversity 21:22 actually cope with later adversity better. 21:26 But it's so interesting. They compared 3 different groups. 21:29 One group had no adversity when growing up. 21:33 Do they really exist? 21:35 I guess so... they found them for the research! 21:38 Another group had a moderate amount of adversity. 21:42 And then there was a third group that had a high amount 21:46 of adversity. I don't have the research in front of me 21:49 so I can't tell you how they distinguished between 21:51 the moderate and the high amount. 21:53 But what they found was those who had no adversity 21:56 versus those who had too much adversity... 21:59 they didn't handle stress very well later on. 22:01 But the ones who had just the right amount of adversity 22:07 they had a better sense of mental health. 22:10 Better growth and did much better in life. 22:13 As Christians we don't... we recognize 22:17 that God also looks at what comes our way. 22:20 We read this verse you read on the screen with me. 22:23 You know this verse... I Corinthians 10:13. 22:49 We have to believe this 22:51 in spite of how difficult a trial may appear. 22:54 And I also like what the servant of the Lord says. 22:57 I also will show this on the screen as well. 22:59 She says: 23:31 That's so encouraging to me 23:34 and it should be encouraging to you as well. 23:37 Everything that comes your way 23:39 God puts it in a scale and measures it 23:42 and says: "Can Magna handle this? " 23:43 "Can Johnny handle this? " 23:45 "Can Sue handle this? " 23:47 "I think she can... I think he can. " 23:50 And He allows it to come their way... our way. 23:53 And she goes on in this same quote and I'm going to 23:55 just say what she said. She said: 23:57 "When we're overpowered by the difficulties 24:00 we can't charge God. " 24:02 "The reason we're overpowered, " she says, "is because 24:05 for one, we've not been vigilant enough; 24:08 we've not been prayerful enough; 24:12 or we have not used by faith the provisions 24:17 that God has given to us. " 24:18 So we can't say: "God, You're putting this on me... 24:21 I can't handle this. Why are You allowing this? " 24:24 No, it's because there are some things we're not doing 24:27 that's helping us to be able to bear that particular burden. 24:31 God knows how much adversity is enough. 24:35 This verse and this quote became particularly dear to me 24:39 in my life about... I'm going to share a little with you. 24:44 I was teaching at Oakwood and engaged to be married 24:48 and a month before the wedding I called the marriage off 24:52 because the Lord told me not to marry this particular 24:54 gentleman. Moved to Atlanta. 24:57 And after I moved to Atlanta about a month later 25:01 a brother of mine who was a physician in California 25:04 became missing 25:06 and we didn't find him for three years. 25:08 My mother just went downhill. 25:11 You know when they found him? 25:13 A week before my wedding three years later. 25:17 They found his body. We don't know: foul play? 25:20 We tried to find out; we never found out the truth. 25:23 Six months later my mother had a stroke. 25:27 Then as time went on... And I'm sure all of you 25:30 all have stories. But I don't want to make mine 25:32 seem like I'm just so much more... have been through 25:35 so much difficulty. But I'm just sharing with you. 25:38 I don't know how many years later 25:40 I lost use of this right arm right here. 25:42 Couldn't use it at all. I was married at that time. 25:44 And finally they found out I was diagnosed with 25:47 multiple sclerosis. 25:49 But by God's grace through natural methods - 25:51 and different people use different ways - 25:53 so I'm not at all saying that that's the way you have to go. 25:55 I decided to go that route. 25:57 And it's been six years... no problem. OK? Amen! 26:01 So God brought me through that. 26:03 And then a few years after that 26:05 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. 26:07 And six month later she died. 26:10 A year and a half after that 26:12 which was my most trying situation that I'm still 26:15 working through my husband died suddenly. 26:18 We were doing ministry together. 26:19 In fact, he had come here and he did a few cooking schools. 26:23 I don't know, some of you may have seen him. 26:24 He did a few cooking programs. 26:25 He and I appeared on 3ABN Today. 26:27 I did some issues and answers programs. 26:29 I mean, we were rolling along with our ministry. 26:31 And he had something called AV malformation. 26:34 Something that you're born with, a congenital brain disorder. 26:36 Had problems with his legs. 26:37 Giving you the short end of the story. 26:39 And three years later he had an aneurysm and died. OK? 26:42 I Corinthian 10:13 was my watchword. 26:47 In the middle of the night... Well I didn't wake up a lot. 26:49 Thank God, I slept well. 26:51 But in the morning I'd wake up and I'd have to repeat that 26:53 and say: "Lord, You knew this was coming Magna's way. 26:56 You allowed it; You weighed and measured it. 26:58 I don't understand it. " I still don't understand it 27:00 but I can tell you, brothers and sisters: 27:02 not bragging... I am a different person today 27:06 than I was before my husband passed. 27:08 Some of those things that I read to you that the people said: 27:11 "I have new meaning and purpose. " 27:13 "I'm a different person. " 27:14 "I'm closer to my friends and family members. " 27:16 I can tell you that that is for me... 27:18 so I can personally - PERSONALLY - attest 27:21 to the idea of post-traumatic growth. 27:24 Now I was watching a video one day by a woman 27:30 who was a game developer. 27:32 And she had a brain concussion. 27:37 Her doctor put her to bed rest for three months. 27:40 She became suicidal. 27:42 And while she was in the bed - she wasn't religious at all - 27:45 the thought came to her: "I'm not going to let this 27:47 bring me down. " And she was a game developer 27:50 so she devised a game called "Super-Better. " 27:54 And she asked her sister to participate in that game 27:57 with her. But she did research for this game, 27:59 and I want to share with you some of the research. 28:01 I hope you don't mind when I share research with you 28:03 because I think it's so exciting to see what research is showing. 28:08 And in the research she found 28:11 that post-traumatic growth occurs because people 28:15 are resilient. Have you heard that word before. 28:18 And she said that resilience 28:22 was very important as she ran across the research. 28:25 And resilience is the key to people growing as a result 28:29 of trials and difficulties. 28:31 And she found four types of resilience that we must build. 28:36 She said by the way, even people who don't deal 28:38 with trauma, they will grow if you develop these four types 28:41 of resilience. And let me tell you these four types. 28:44 Physical resilience. 28:47 Mental resilience. 28:49 Emotional resilience. 28:52 And social resilience. 28:54 Physical, mental, emotional, and social resilience. 29:00 And let's talk about each one of these 29:02 based on what... her name is Jane McGonigal. 29:04 M- C-G-O-N-I-G-A-L if you ever want to look her up. 29:08 Jane McGonigal. 29:09 With physical resilience the research shows 29:13 that your body can resist more stress 29:17 and heal itself faster when you're physically strong. 29:21 The research shows that the number one thing you can do 29:25 to boost your resilience is to not sit still. 29:30 So that means you all 29:31 are all not boosting your resilience right now. 29:34 But that's OK... "there's a time and place for everything: 29:36 the wise man Solomon tells us. 29:38 Every second that you are not sitting still 29:42 you improve the strength of your heart and your brain. 29:47 And another psychologist, Dr. David Hoversten... 29:49 I think he's actually a MD, a psychiatrist. 29:51 He says: "People who are physically toughened 29:55 are able to withstand prolonged stress better than others. 29:58 Exercise makes us mentally and emotionally strong. " 30:03 I know for myself the day after my husband died 30:06 I was out walking. 30:08 I did it before... but I did it even more. 30:10 Walking every day. And I know for a fact 30:13 that getting out, walking in nature, 30:16 talking to the Lord, not only helped me spiritually but 30:19 it built me physically to withstand what I would have to 30:22 deal with losing him. 30:23 So that's physical resilience. 30:25 Let's look at mental resilience. 30:26 And this is the one that's really important. 30:29 Mental resilience has to do with developing more mental 30:32 focus, more discipline, more determination, 30:37 and more will power. 30:40 There are characteristics of mental resilience. 30:44 These are the characteristics that we need to develop: 30:46 mental focus, more discipline, determination and will power. 30:50 And basically, what mental resilience says is 30:53 you are changing how you look at the situation. 30:58 I remember when my husband died I said: "Lord, 31:00 we were right in the height of building our ministry. 31:03 Why did You do this? " And you know what the 31:04 Holy Spirit said to me? "Magna, you're concerned about 31:07 your ministry but My concern is salvation. " 31:11 And the reason that was significant - if I could be 31:13 personal again - my husband and I would have morning 31:15 and evening devotionals and we would hold hands. 31:18 And he would take my hands and on our knees he would say: 31:19 "Lord, I want to be saved. I want Magna to be saved. 31:23 And if it means that one of us has to go before the other... " 31:25 And I would just stiffen. 31:27 And after prayer I'd say: "Al, why are you saying that? " 31:29 He says: "Magna, we have to be serious 31:30 about our salvation 31:32 and if it means that one of us has to go before the other 31:35 so be it. " Little did he know what he was saying. 31:39 Little did he know. 31:40 But we have to change the way we look at situations. 31:43 This includes we need to see obstacles as challenges 31:47 to be overcome and not to block us. 31:51 Change how we look at things. 31:53 We need to find meaning in difficult situations. 31:58 Instead of viewing yourself as a victim 32:01 view yourself as a victor. Amen! 32:05 Say: "I am a victor... I can be an overcomer 32:09 with this situation... even though I don't feel like it. " 32:12 You have to develop the perspective of learning 32:16 from mistakes rather than denying mistakes. 32:20 We're talking about mental resilience. 32:22 And she has a quote from Christ Object Lessons - 32:25 Ellen White - that I have to share with you. 32:26 I wanted to get it on the screen but we don't have it. 32:28 Just listen. It's Christ Object Lessons page 332. 32:32 She says: "Bear this in mind: 32:34 if you have made mistakes you may gain a victory 32:39 by discerning these mistakes 32:42 and by regarding them... " I like this phrase... 32:46 "as beacons of warning 32:49 to enable you to shun their repetition. 32:53 Thus you turn your defeat 32:56 into victory, disappointing the enemy 32:59 and honoring your Redeemer. " Amen. 33:02 Isn't that encouraging? 33:04 We must look at our mistakes as beacons of warning. 33:08 Very important. 33:10 Still talking about mental resilience... 33:12 other ways to change how we look at things 33:15 is to be persevering. 33:17 Don't give up. 33:19 Learn new behaviors. 33:21 And another thing the research shows: 33:23 take decisive action. 33:27 What do I mean by that? 33:29 Well, one writer cited a few examples of decisive action. 33:33 For example, those who survive a disaster 33:37 and they become more involved in rebuilding their community 33:41 guess what? They experience more post-traumatic growth. 33:45 If you're a cancer survivor 33:48 and you decide you're going to live a healthier lifestyle 33:51 not only because you want to try to address your disease 33:54 but just to decide to do that, 33:56 you experience more post-traumatic growth. 34:00 If you are a parent who has lost a child 34:03 and you go and volunteer in a school, 34:05 you're building your mental resilience; you'll experience 34:07 more... say it with me... post-traumatic growth. 34:12 OK... so you're building your mental resilience. 34:15 You all understanding me on that? 34:17 Let's go to the next area: emotional resilience. 34:21 And that is the ability to manage our emotions 34:24 and to evoke positive emotions. 34:28 You know we can do that, right? 34:29 By what we say to ourselves we can evoke positive emotions. 34:33 Psychologists have come up with something called 34:36 the three-to-one positive emotion ratio. 34:40 For every three negative emotions you experience 34:43 that day, that week, that hour 34:48 if you can experience one positive emotion 34:52 you will do better and you'll grow. 34:54 So there's the three to one. 34:56 I'm sorry. I said that completely wrong. 34:59 Please... three positive emotions 35:03 for every negative emotion. 35:05 So if you're experiencing a negative emotion, 35:08 if you can say somehow "Lord" or change your thought pattern 35:11 and experience three positive emotions, 35:14 so it's a three to one - positive to negative - 35:17 then you can greatly manage your health and your ability 35:20 to deal with problems. OK? 35:22 Learn how to manage your strong feelings and your impulses 35:26 instead of giving in to them 35:28 and realize that you have a choice in most situations 35:32 and that you can have some control over yourself. 35:35 I talk about and I have the DVD: What We Think We Become. 35:38 Many of us think ourselves into problems. 35:41 You know that? 35:42 One psychologist said that... I went to a workshop... 35:45 He says: "What we think is killing us. " 35:49 It's not only the diseases... it's what we're thinking 35:52 that's killing us. 35:53 And so you have the ability to develop positive emotions. 35:57 You have the ability to manage your emotions. 36:00 And the people who are better able to do this 36:02 they experience more what? Post-traumatic growth. 36:07 OK. And then the last one that the research shows 36:11 is social resilience. 36:14 You gain strength from your friends, 36:17 your friends, your neighbors, your community. 36:20 The research shows that people who suffer alone 36:25 are less likely to grow from a trauma. 36:30 I can personally say this has been one of the most powerful 36:33 things for me. In fact, one of the girlfriends who was 36:36 there for me, she drove up with me here to 3ABN. 36:38 Gwen... she's here. 36:40 And having friends and family members... 36:43 There's another couple who is here... the Gardners. 36:45 They were also there for me. 36:46 They came in and cooked food that day of the funeral. 36:49 Them and some other friends. 36:50 I could just name people... I shouldn't name people 36:52 because some of my friends are going to say: 36:53 "You didn't mention my name. " 36:54 But I have many good friends and I know that that's what 36:58 helped me grow from dealing with the loss of my husband. 37:01 Another thing under this social resilience 37:04 is gratitude. The research shows that 37:07 when you experience gratitude 37:10 the memories of your difficulties are less likely 37:15 to resurface. 37:17 If you express gratitude: "Thank you so much 37:19 for being there for me. " 37:21 "Father, thank you for what You've done for me today. " 37:23 Just expressing gratitude. When you do that 37:26 those negative memories will come up less. 37:29 That's what the research shows. 37:31 And that will help you ex- perience post-traumatic growth. 37:34 Another thing that's important is just the mere thing of touch. 37:38 Hugging... shaking a hand. 37:41 Putting your hand on someone's shoulder. 37:44 All of these things contribute to post-traumatic growth. 37:48 So, the four areas again? 37:51 Physical resilience, 37:53 mental resilience, 37:55 emotional resilience, 37:56 and social resilience. 37:58 And whether or not you're going through a trial right now 38:01 these things the research shows 38:04 when you practice them regularly 38:07 they add 10 years to your life. Amen! 38:11 It's amazing the mind-body connection. 38:14 Now Jesus also recognized the importance 38:19 of social relationships. And it's interesting... 38:23 the other thing about this social resilience 38:25 that leads me to what I was going to say about Jesus 38:28 is those who surround themselves with people 38:31 who have also been through what they have gone through 38:35 experience more growth. 38:37 And the Mount of Transfiguration... 38:41 do you remember who appeared with Jesus? 38:43 Moses and Elijah. Moses and Elijah. 38:46 Listen to what the servant of the Lord says: 38:48 "At the transfiguration the Lord sent Moses and Elijah 38:53 to talk with Jesus concerning His suffering 38:57 and death. " And listen to what she says in this sentence: 39:00 "Instead of choosing angels to converse with His Son 39:04 God chose those who had themselves 39:09 experienced the trials of earth. " 39:12 Isn't that something? 39:14 God cares for everything, brothers and sisters. 39:16 He could have sent the angels to talk with Jesus 39:19 but He said: "No, Moses and Elijah can relate 39:22 to an extent to what He's going through. 39:23 I'm going to send them to talk to Him. " 39:25 What a merciful, wonderful God we serve. Amen? Amen! 39:29 So we've talked about these four areas, but you know... 39:33 One more thing I meant to men- tion with the social resilience. 39:36 There's research that says that those who forgive more 39:40 experience more growth. 39:42 Forgiveness is so important. 39:45 Have you all heard of the story of Corrie ten Boom? 39:48 Some of you might have heard the story. 39:50 This was a Dutch Christian who hid a lot of the Jews 39:54 during the Nazi time trying to kill the Jews... genocide. 39:57 And she hid a lot of them and eventually 39:59 was imprisoned. And she... after she got out 40:03 did a lot of talking, and one of her favorite topics 40:05 to talk about was forgiveness. 40:07 Even though she had experienced that adversity and that trauma. 40:10 One day she was talking about forgiveness 40:12 and someone walked up to her. 40:14 And it was one of the guards in the Nazi camp 40:16 who treated her very badly and her family. 40:19 And he reached out his hand and said: "Will you forgive me? " 40:22 She said bitterness arose. 40:24 Hatred arose. But then certain verses came to her mind. 40:28 She said: "I have to do this; I speak about this. " 40:30 Reached out her hand and forgave him. 40:33 Do you think she has post- traumatic growth from that? 40:36 Now forgiveness is not something that sometimes is 40:39 humanly possible. But by God's grace 40:42 we can forgive. And so the Bible tells us this, too. 40:46 That's why God tells us so much to forgive one another. 40:48 It's not only because we can make it into the kingdom 40:51 but it's also good for our mental health. 40:53 That's why I like when she says: "True psychology is 40:56 found in the scriptures" because it is! 40:59 If we follow the scriptures, much mental health can grow 41:02 as a result. So forgiveness is very important. 41:06 All of these things are good. 41:08 But one of the most important things to help us deal 41:11 is the spiritual aspect. 41:14 We need to have a relationship with the Lord. 41:17 Right before my husband died 41:20 the Holy Spirit impressed me to read the book of Job. 41:23 Didn't know why I would be reading it. 41:26 But many of those things that I read came back to my mind 41:30 after he passed, and my devotional life 41:33 increased even more. Prayer and devotional 41:35 life is really important to me today. 41:38 But the spiritual aspect is very important 41:41 when we think about growing as a result of trials. 41:45 Let's just talk about a few... a couple of Bible characters 41:49 to see if they grew. One of my favorites I mentioned yesterday 41:52 was Joseph. Joseph is an example for me in many ways. 41:56 And the servant of the Lord talks about him in 41:58 Patriarchs and Prophets and she says that 42:00 he was a petted kind of spoiled child 42:04 because he was the father's favorite. 42:06 But the day that he was carried away in that caravan - 42:09 I think it was the Midianites he was sold to - 42:11 going on his way to Egypt he was afraid 42:14 and wondered what was going to happen. 42:16 But then he began to think of his father 42:20 who talked about the heavenly Father 42:22 who was there all the time. Jacob talked about how God 42:24 was with him and helped him through various things. 42:27 And he began to think about it and as he thought about it 42:31 this is what happened. Read with me on the screen - 42:34 in your mind - as I read it. 42:36 The quote says: 43:17 Is that not post-traumatic growth? 43:20 Because of that experience Joseph became a stronger person. 43:25 And that's why at the end when his brothers came to him 43:27 and they were fearful that now that Jacob had died 43:30 he was going to do something to them. Remember? 43:32 And this is what he said in Genesis 50:20 43:35 showing the growth. He said: 43:36 "But as for you... ye thought evil against me 43:40 but God meant it unto good 43:43 to bring to pass as it is this day 43:46 to save much people alive. " 43:49 Talk about someone who grew as a result of their trauma! 43:52 I was just reading Desire of Ages too, and I was reading 43:55 about Mary and Martha after they sent the message to Jesus 43:58 that Lazarus had died. And Jesus kind of took His time. 44:01 But in Desire of Ages she tells us that their faith 44:04 was severely tried. And she goes on to say 44:08 that Jesus knew that because of the struggle 44:13 through which they were now passing 44:15 their faith would shine forth with far greater power. 44:20 I wonder if He seeks to do the same for us sometimes 44:24 when He doesn't answer our prayers right away. 44:27 I wonder if He's saying: "I'm going to let 44:30 Suzanne struggle here for a little while 44:33 because I want her faith to grow with more power. 44:38 I want her to become a stronger person. " 44:40 While Suzanne is crying "Why me, Lord? 44:43 Why am I going through this? " 44:44 And God is saying: "If you will just hang in there 44:46 you'll be a better person... you'll be stronger; 44:49 you'll be more like Me. " 44:51 But when we're going through the situation we don't realize it. 44:54 Another example of a person who experienced trauma: 44:57 Paul. I mean, Paul went through a lot. 44:59 He talked about being beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, 45:04 placed in various different situations. 45:06 But he ended up saying in II Corinthians 4:8-9- 45:10 I love this verse: 45:11 "We are troubled on every side yet not distressed. 45:15 We are perplexed but not in despair. 45:19 Persecuted... but not forsaken. 45:22 Cast down but not destroyed. " 45:25 He also reached the point where he could say, 45:29 I'll have it on the screen again II Corinthians 12:10: 45:50 That's II Corinthians 12 verse 10. 45:54 Then, of course, the ultimate example was Christ, 45:58 who suffered in ways that we will never have to suffer. 46:02 And one of the things that Paul says that I thought was 46:05 interesting is that Christ learned as a result 46:10 of His suffering. 46:12 In Hebrews 5:8 we read: 46:24 Isn't that something that Christ actually had to learn. 46:27 He grew as a result of the trauma. 46:30 I guess we can say that... that might be kind of stretching it. 46:32 But He learned as a result of the suffering. 46:36 He learned obedience. 46:37 And time will not allow me to talk about Moses 46:40 and about Naomi and about different other characters 46:44 in the Bible who grew as a result of their difficulties. 46:49 The Psalmist David said in Psalm 119:71 46:53 it should be on the screen: 47:03 David actually got to the point to say: "Lord, it's good 47:07 that I've been through these difficulties because now 47:09 I can learn what You're trying to teach me. " 47:12 Do you think David felt good as he was going through 47:14 these difficulties? I want you to get that in your mind 47:18 that the growth doesn't mean you will not feel bad sometimes. 47:22 That you will not feel afraid. 47:24 But you can still grow from that. 47:26 The Bible commentators tell us that the lessons learned 47:31 from such experiences are invaluable in the development 47:36 of Christian character. 47:38 We can also learn about ourselves as a result of trials. 47:42 We should have this one on the screen from Desire of Ages. 47:45 She says to us: 47:58 Do you know that sometimes we are blindsided 48:00 to what's going on with us? 48:01 Some people, they don't want to hear that anything is wrong 48:03 with them. And God says: "OK, you won't hear it from 48:05 your husband, you won't hear it from your wife, 48:08 I'm going to let a few things come your way 48:10 so you can see a little bit about yourself. " 48:12 In His mercy He does that. 48:14 because "the heart is desperately wicked 48:16 and deceitful above all things. " 48:18 And then one of the last quotes that I'm going to mention 48:22 is one that really stuck out with me when I re-read 48:24 Steps to Christ again. 48:26 And you should see it on the screen. She says: 48:51 You know, after Adam sinned 48:53 that was the first time they saw thorns and thistles. 48:56 And so God allowed this to happen. It was a curse 49:00 but it was also a blessing because in that 49:02 He was able to bring Adam up. The labor and toil that he 49:05 had to do. And for us, the difficulties in life 49:08 is part of the training - I mentioned that earlier - 49:11 that we need as God tries to lift us up from the ruin 49:15 that sin has brought closer to the image that He has 49:19 for us. Does that make sense? 49:20 It doesn't feel like it 49:22 but that's what God wants when He allows 49:27 things to come our way. Difficulties are hard, 49:30 and we still need to understand 49:32 that people are going through that. 49:33 I don't want you to walk away from this. 49:35 This is the danger about talking about post-traumatic growth. 49:38 That when you see somebody going through something 49:40 "Oh, you can grow from that. " 49:41 You know, and we don't show any sensitivity. 49:44 I don't want you to walk away doing that. 49:46 "Oh, you know, I heard that about post-traumatic growth. 49:48 You'll be OK... you'll grow. " 49:49 I don't want you doing that, OK? 49:52 We still need to be sensitive to people. 49:55 We still need to reach out to people. 49:57 We still need to hurt when they hurt, OK? 50:00 But we in our own lives as we're going through these things 50:03 say: "Father, I can grow from this. " 50:05 You know, you don't have to be down; you don't have to be 50:07 depressed. "I can grow from this, Lord. 50:10 Help me to grow; show me what I can do. 50:11 Show me who I can help. 50:13 Show me how I can develop my body better. 50:16 Show me what I can read in Your Word, 50:17 what promises I can hang on to that will help me to grow. " 50:21 And the Lord will do so. Do you believe that? 50:23 Amen. He will do so. 50:25 Going through trials are also important because 50:28 there are times that are soon to come... we don't talk about 50:31 it a lot but have you heard of something called 50:33 "the time of trouble? " Yes. 50:36 It is coming, brothers and sisters. 50:38 I don't mean to make light of it. 50:39 And I remember talking to Lewis Walton one time, and he 50:42 used this phrase. He said: "Some things are test runs for us 50:45 or trial runs for us. " 50:47 And I believe some of the trials we are going through now 50:50 are like the test runs for those of us who are going to be 50:53 alive during that time. And if we can grow now 50:56 when that time of trouble comes when Jesus steps out of that 50:59 Most Holy Place and He says that "He that is filthy, let him 51:02 be filthy still; he that is righteous let him be righteous 51:04 still... " Brothers and sisters, if we've not passed the test 51:07 before that we're in big trouble at that time. 51:11 So overcoming trials and growing through trials 51:15 is not just for us. It's also a thing about eternity. 51:18 It is also a thing about us standing before the universe 51:21 as witnesses to what God can do. 51:23 There will be a people who are going to grow 51:26 and they're going to stand during that time. 51:27 Do you want to be one of those? 51:29 I want to be one of those. 51:30 But start today, brothers and sisters, 51:32 with the little tests that are coming your way. 51:34 Start today. He will help you to grow. 51:37 We are in a time, and I don't believe it will be very long 51:41 before we see that time coming and we need to grow. 51:45 Trials are one... I want you through all of this 51:48 to walk away saying: "Father, I want to deal with 51:51 trials a different way. " 51:53 That's what... if nothing else you get from this 51:55 I want imprinted in your mind that trials are things 51:58 that I can grow from and not have to run from and avoid. 52:03 Amen? That's what I want you to learn from this. 52:06 Post-traumatic growth. And if you experience that growth 52:10 you can sing the song that I want you to sing with me. 52:12 It's a song by Andre Crouch. 52:14 Just the chorus. How many of you all know "Through It All? " 52:17 I love this song. We could sing it together. 52:20 Just sing it: Through it all... 52:25 through it all... 52:28 I've learned to trust in Jesus, 52:33 I've learned to trust in God. 52:38 Through it all... 52:43 through it all... 52:47 I've learned to depend upon 52:52 His Word. 52:55 Isn't that what we want to do? Amen! 52:57 God bless you brothers and sisters. 53:10 Amen. That is powerful! 53:13 Gives me time to tell one quick story. 53:16 When I... You hear me refer to the Ephesus Church 53:19 so very much. Thank you for bringing that microphone up. 53:23 When I got there at Ephesus I did 117 funerals 53:26 in the seven years that I pastored there. 53:28 That was one funeral every 18 days. 53:30 It seems like every time I went away on a trip 53:32 I came back to do a funeral. 53:33 My first funeral was a lady by the name of Sr. Kathleen Downs. 53:38 I remember it because it was one month after I got to that 53:40 church. Kathleen Downs was a very beautiful, tall, 53:43 statuesque lady of about 5'8", 5'9". 53:46 When I met her she was 5'9" - about 89 pounds. 53:50 She was wasting away of cancer 53:52 and they had put her in one of those home where they put you 53:55 to just die and not bother you. 53:58 But the thing about Kathleen Downs is 54:00 when I met her she was singing for Jesus. 54:06 And even though her body was wasting away 54:09 she sang for Jesus as long as she could. 54:12 And don't you know that there were people on that floor 54:14 that took note of her singing for Jesus. 54:17 And the doctor told me... 54:21 He used a term that I never heard a doctor use before. 54:23 He said: "This lady is in apocalyptic pain. " 54:27 That's the term he used. 54:29 But she never asked for medication; she never asked 54:32 for drugs; she never asked for anything to dull the pain. 54:35 She just sang for Jesus just as long as she could. 54:39 And then one day she went to sleep in Jesus. 54:42 Well, we had her funeral. And I remember the funeral 54:45 very well because at the funeral her doctor came. 54:49 The oncologist came. 54:51 The nurse practitioner came. 54:54 The ward nurse came. 54:57 Her personal nurse came 54:59 and just about everyone from that floor that attended her 55:02 came to that funeral because they wanted to see 55:05 what kind of woman is it? What kind of faith is it? 55:08 What kind of religion is it that can keep someone 55:11 singing for God through the kind of suffering 55:15 that she was attending? 55:17 Now I'd like to say that we baptized them all. 55:21 I cannot say that. 55:22 We only baptized one... one nurse. 55:25 Here's my question: 55:27 did Kathleen Downs have to get cancer for that nurse 55:30 to be baptized? 55:33 Hmmm. 55:35 Did she? 55:37 Could there have been any other way 55:40 for that nurse to come to Christ beside Kathleen Downs 55:44 suffering from cancer? 55:47 I'll tell you the truth. 55:49 I'm not theologian enough to answer that question. 55:52 But I will say this: 55:53 she did get cancer and she did live for Jesus 55:57 and she did sing for Jesus. 56:00 And the Bible says when you stand up for Christ 56:03 Christ stands up for you. 56:04 And there are people who will see you standing up 56:07 for Christ and be drawn to Him. 56:09 I don't know if she HAD to. 56:11 I think God could have found maybe some other way. 56:13 But she DID stand up for Christ and somebody saw that 56:18 and they wanted to have that in their own lives. 56:21 This growing in trials - and I like what Dr. Parks said. 56:25 Trials are trials. They're tough... 56:27 and you cannot smile and grin all the time. 56:30 But you can praise God even through your trials 56:33 and you can remember Hebrews 13:5-6 56:36 which tells us we are not alone 56:38 and in whatever state we are we've got to be content 56:40 because God has weighed that trial and given it to us. 56:43 And we can boldly say: "God is my helper. 56:45 What can man do to me? " 56:48 It's a rhetorical question because the answer is nothing. 56:50 When you're in the hands of God 56:52 you are as we used to say in New York 56:55 "bullet proof. " 56:57 Because even if they kill you they haven't hurt you. 56:59 You just caught an earlier bus... 57:01 you're going to sleep a little longer 57:03 and then one day you'll wake up in Christ Jesus. 57:06 117 funerals... and at every funeral I said the same thing. 57:09 I said: "Death in Christ 57:13 is not such a bad thing. 57:16 Not really. Death in Christ is to be preferred 57:21 to life without Him... 57:24 because those who live for Christ 57:27 and die in Christ will one day live again. " |
Revised 2014-12-17